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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you think that women are really cruel?

291 replies

Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:42

I just think that every stage of my life has been destroyed by women.

As a child, it was the adult women that were around me that were the cruellest.

School, the girls were so cruel. I got on with the boys.
college, the same
work, the same.

I just started a new job (remote)and we have been in training for two months. As there is a lot of training.

The way the job works is that we have four managers while we are training. They all do shifts as managers with us. Then when we complete training , we are assigned one full time managers.

During the training, the two female managers only messaged me and called me to tell me what I was doing wrong. They kept telling me I was doing things wrong. They were nasty and cruel to me. The two male managers were different, they were really supportive of me, as I had just started in the job. They said to ask them any questions etc.

When I finished training, I prayed that I would get one of the male managers, which I did. He is very nice and supportive.

Now, a month into the job, we have been told that we will all be assigned a quality coach. Which will be one of three people. The quality coaches are two men and a woman. I've dealt with the two men before and they are lovely, supportive and kind. The woman is a bully and just enjoys having power over people.

Again I prayed to get one of the men, but I got the woman this time. She has been making my life a misery. She is supposed to be supportive and helpful to me, but she has been really abusive to me and she is awful. She enjoys knocking people down. One of my. Other team mates also has her, and also says that she is abusing her really badly. Like as quality coach her job is meant to be supporting and helping you. But she just tells you that you are shit and useless.

My other team mates that have the male quality coaches, say that they are so kind and supportive to them , and are really helpful.

I just wonder, what is this? Why do women always seem to enjoy knocking people down and being cruel?

OP posts:
WinterofOurDiscountTentz · 28/04/2023 12:47

OP, I've said this on your other threads. You need serious indepth mental health support, not repeated threads on AIBU.
No, the 4 billion women on the planet are not all cruel, and you know yourself you have had just as many serious problems with men.

Hogi · 28/04/2023 12:49

Op, on your previous threads you have said men have been cruel to you.

Sex doesn't matter when it's comes to shit people. They're just shit.

Original poster
Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:50

WinterofOurDiscountTentz · 28/04/2023 12:47

OP, I've said this on your other threads. You need serious indepth mental health support, not repeated threads on AIBU.
No, the 4 billion women on the planet are not all cruel, and you know yourself you have had just as many serious problems with men.

Wow. I don't remember ever talking to you anywhere before? Acting like you know me is kind of bizarre

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 28/04/2023 12:51

I think that there is a type of woman who, once she achieves a position, likes to kick the ladder away for other women, I've worked with a couple like that! It may be generalising but it's been my experience that women also more likely to play favourites, one Acting Head had her little group of what was known as The Golden Girls, something I've never known a male Head do.
Some of the cruelest behaviour I've encountered was when I was working on a catalogue packing line as a student, some of the older women there were vile to the few young men, one 'prank' involved fastening a used sanitary pad to a lad's back, they thought it was hilarious and were very angry when we told him.

hippygirllucky · 28/04/2023 12:54

No. This is coming from inside of you, not because half of the human population is cruel and no one but you had noticed...

Sorry, not trying to be rude but seriously...

Original poster
Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:55

JudgeJ · 28/04/2023 12:51

I think that there is a type of woman who, once she achieves a position, likes to kick the ladder away for other women, I've worked with a couple like that! It may be generalising but it's been my experience that women also more likely to play favourites, one Acting Head had her little group of what was known as The Golden Girls, something I've never known a male Head do.
Some of the cruelest behaviour I've encountered was when I was working on a catalogue packing line as a student, some of the older women there were vile to the few young men, one 'prank' involved fastening a used sanitary pad to a lad's back, they thought it was hilarious and were very angry when we told him.

Yes I think there is a particular psychological cruelty in women. Where they like to knock other women down.

OP posts:
strawberryfluff · 28/04/2023 12:56

If you're being abused at work you need to speak to HR. I don't think this is a woman thing - you must have met other women before who weren't cruel.

Also do check that they are really being cruel and it's not just you expecting them to be warm and fuzzy and caring because they are women.

Watchkeys · 28/04/2023 12:56

Why do women always seem to enjoy knocking people down and being cruel

The answer is as simple as the question: they don't.

You haven't met all the women, so don't judge all the women.

FrenchFancie · 28/04/2023 12:56

Is t there a saying, something along the lines of - ‘if you meet one person that’s an arsehole, it’s likely that person is an arsehole. If every person you meet is an arsehole, it’s likely that you are, in fact, the arsehole’

basically it’s not possible for every person you meet to be cruel to you. Instead you need to look to yourself and seek mental health support / counselling.

awakeeveeynight · 28/04/2023 12:57

I have the opposite experience. However, I'm really wary of women who struggled to form female relationships. It's usually them that are the problem...

retinolalcohol · 28/04/2023 12:57

When girls are young/teenagers they can be cruel because it stems from competitiveness. They aren't yet mature enough to see that all women can shine - that you don't have to tear other women down to build yourself up.

Unless you have been the unluckiest person in universe and happen to only have come cross evil women, I think most other situations are likely due to your own interpretations and confirmation bias.
You've formed an opinion that women are cruel and so you are looking for reasons to support that. You possibly interpret the exact same words said by a man and woman very differently and don't realize you are doing it. It's also possible that this attitude you have subconsciously seeps out into the interactions you have with other women, automatically making it hard for them to be friendly/warm towards you - because YOU don't seem warm or friendly.

I have never found other women to be cruel to me and if anything most of the problem characters in my life have been men. Join a club, one that is meant to empower women (I do pole fitness but there will be lots of others) and you will find plenty of supportive, lovely, strong women who challenge this view that you have

Original poster
Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:57

FrenchFancie · 28/04/2023 12:56

Is t there a saying, something along the lines of - ‘if you meet one person that’s an arsehole, it’s likely that person is an arsehole. If every person you meet is an arsehole, it’s likely that you are, in fact, the arsehole’

basically it’s not possible for every person you meet to be cruel to you. Instead you need to look to yourself and seek mental health support / counselling.

You're proving my point - by being cruel.

OP posts:
strawberryfluff · 28/04/2023 12:58

Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:57

You're proving my point - by being cruel.

Show quote history

You're assuming that poster is a woman

MorrisZapp · 28/04/2023 12:59

Women are expected to be warm, self effacing, kind and supportive. When women aren't like this, it can feel like a shock. But men don't have to live up to any of these expectations. When they're warm and kind we think oh, what a lovely man!

GabriellaMontez · 28/04/2023 13:00

Three possibilities.

  1. You're right. All the women in the world are bitches.
  1. You've been unlucky.
  1. You are the problem, and need to take a look at your behaviour around other women and what you're projecting.
ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 28/04/2023 13:00

Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:57

You're proving my point - by being cruel.

Show quote history

It’s not being cruel though, it really is true. How can every woman you interact with either in school, college, workplace etc all be cruel. You’re the common denominator so you’re probably the one that’s bad vibes. Sorry!

MissLucyLiu · 28/04/2023 13:00

Some of the best support and love I have ever gotten is from women in my life. Your view here is very extreme. And actually it's the wrong way of looking at things and perhaps it begets the bad energy and bad return by inviting the wrong type of female company in my life.

I went to a girls only school and even though I went to study a male dominated subject in university and then working in male dominated industry I always crave more feminine contacts.

Sure there are women who are innately very competitive but so are men! They throw each other under the bus also have you not seen the fight to the top in politics and in managing director nominations.

Your extreme attitude towards women in general comes off. I am sure you are that person in the party I can spot 10 miles away to whom I would call 'not a girls girl' which is fine. Each to their own.

IhearyouClemFandango · 28/04/2023 13:01

Are you a woman OP? Are you cruel?

gwenneh · 28/04/2023 13:01

Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:50

Wow. I don't remember ever talking to you anywhere before? Acting like you know me is kind of bizarre

Show quote history

The advanced search feature definitely helps give other posters a bit of context when answering a question like yours; it's pretty easy to see that there's a pattern in your posts that indicates some outside support might give you some insight into why you feel the way you do.

No, women aren't any more cruel than men. Given your posts about some of the men in your life, it's interesting that you'd arrive at that conclusion.

casingchars · 28/04/2023 13:01

Your personal experiences can't possibly be extracted into a population level statistic.

LuciferRising · 28/04/2023 13:02

Forget the sex, you've appeared to have met a lot of 'cruel' people.

Original poster
Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 13:02

I'm not saying that every woman in the world is cruel.

I'm saying that there is a particular cruelty that is particular to women. Which is to tear down and abuse other women. And to be really vicious to women. They really like to diminish others and break them down.

And we have all experienced that in some shape or form.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 28/04/2023 13:02

Not at all. The women in my life are wonderful. It's men who have let me down my entire life. My own father was useless, DS's dad is useless, I've been sexually assaulted and harassed.

strawberryfluff · 28/04/2023 13:02

MorrisZapp · 28/04/2023 12:59

Women are expected to be warm, self effacing, kind and supportive. When women aren't like this, it can feel like a shock. But men don't have to live up to any of these expectations. When they're warm and kind we think oh, what a lovely man!

Yes that's what I was trying to get at OP. I'm not saying these women aren't cruel but it's worth checking your expectations of them.

Perhaps consider talking to HR about your work issues?

MissLucyLiu · 28/04/2023 13:03

gwenneh · 28/04/2023 13:01

The advanced search feature definitely helps give other posters a bit of context when answering a question like yours; it's pretty easy to see that there's a pattern in your posts that indicates some outside support might give you some insight into why you feel the way you do.

No, women aren't any more cruel than men. Given your posts about some of the men in your life, it's interesting that you'd arrive at that conclusion.

Show quote history

I cannot agree more. OP's thoughts pattern is not based on facts and therefore to fix this issue she needs to get some help and work within why this thoughts pattern started and fix it from the root. She might have experienced very bad & lack of love from mother etc as a young child.