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Original poster

Do you think that women are really cruel?

291 replies

Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:42

I just think that every stage of my life has been destroyed by women.

As a child, it was the adult women that were around me that were the cruellest.

School, the girls were so cruel. I got on with the boys.
college, the same
work, the same.

I just started a new job (remote)and we have been in training for two months. As there is a lot of training.

The way the job works is that we have four managers while we are training. They all do shifts as managers with us. Then when we complete training , we are assigned one full time managers.

During the training, the two female managers only messaged me and called me to tell me what I was doing wrong. They kept telling me I was doing things wrong. They were nasty and cruel to me. The two male managers were different, they were really supportive of me, as I had just started in the job. They said to ask them any questions etc.

When I finished training, I prayed that I would get one of the male managers, which I did. He is very nice and supportive.

Now, a month into the job, we have been told that we will all be assigned a quality coach. Which will be one of three people. The quality coaches are two men and a woman. I've dealt with the two men before and they are lovely, supportive and kind. The woman is a bully and just enjoys having power over people.

Again I prayed to get one of the men, but I got the woman this time. She has been making my life a misery. She is supposed to be supportive and helpful to me, but she has been really abusive to me and she is awful. She enjoys knocking people down. One of my. Other team mates also has her, and also says that she is abusing her really badly. Like as quality coach her job is meant to be supporting and helping you. But she just tells you that you are shit and useless.

My other team mates that have the male quality coaches, say that they are so kind and supportive to them , and are really helpful.

I just wonder, what is this? Why do women always seem to enjoy knocking people down and being cruel?

OP posts:
gwenneh · 28/04/2023 14:01

Hobnobswantshernameback · 28/04/2023 13:58

What do you want from this thread OP?

The OP appears to be searching for support for their own confirmation bias, which also fits with the pattern of other threads.

AnonKat · 28/04/2023 14:02

Yet there are constant posts about evil MIL, SIL, women and women. I'm a woman and women can be cruel.

WinterofOurDiscountTentz · 28/04/2023 14:03

It's not victim blaming when you have invented your own victimhood.

mujermarie · 28/04/2023 14:04

And I had lots of male friends when I was younger, OP, but almost exclusively women as I've aged. I find them more empathetic than men on the whole.

Desperatelydoomscrolling · 28/04/2023 14:06

Buy OP, why are people victim blaming when you arnt actually a victim in most peoples eyes. The other posters are not saying you deserved this behaviour, they are saying you are seeing behaviour that isn't really there to further your own cause.
I do think you need to work on how you take any kind of criticism or disagreement. I'm sure you are a great person other than this but how you are appearing is like you are trying to self sabotage every relationship that isn't with a man and you'll end up feeling miserable and angry and a victim way more than you need to be. Hope you work on it and feel better soon OP.

blackbeardsballsack · 28/04/2023 14:07

It is because of pure jealousy from other women. Because she is so pretty.

Some people think that anyone who doesn't like them or doesn't agree with them must be jealous. It's a really strange way of thinking. Especially when they pin the jealousy to looks. Not everyone chooses how nice (or not) to be towards other people based on how they look. Do you really think that all women are so hung up on how other women look that they base their interactions with them upon this?

A certain cohort of men are certainly nicer to women that they find aesthetically pleasing, but I have genuinely never met a woman who has been nasty to another woman because they are 'pretty'. When another woman is unkind to me, my immediate thought isn't 'it must be because I'm so gorgeous and she's jealous'. I think you have an issue with women. Do you see other women as competition?

BigMacExtraPickles · 28/04/2023 14:08

awakeeveeynight · 28/04/2023 12:57

I have the opposite experience. However, I'm really wary of women who struggled to form female relationships. It's usually them that are the problem...

💯

trisfreya · 28/04/2023 14:08

Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 12:57

You're proving my point - by being cruel.

Show quote history

There's your issue, you're too sensitive (being kind) or paranoid delusional (not bring kind)

drpet49 · 28/04/2023 14:11

Some women yes.

Sparklfairy · 28/04/2023 14:11

I think it's rather strange to post on a forum mostly used by women - especially when you admit to using other forums - and accuse women of being cruel and men are lovely...

Fwiw I kind of agree with your basic sentiment. I went to an all girls secondary school and the bullying is deeply insidious, very different to the boys school next door.

I never really learned how to play the 'girl game' in office politics. The reputation destruction, the gossip, the cliques. I hate it all.

But men are cruel in different ways. I'll play along with your very black and white, stereotypical thinking, and suggest that men are only 'lovely' to women when they want - or think they have a chance at getting - something from them. So all these 'lovely' men you speak of, on some level, want to be on your good side for their own benefit. That might be an ego boost or to look good for their own boss when you're productive and helpful etc. But that nice persona is a front, a mask, to suit their own agenda.

If any of these lovely men at work left the company and you were no longer useful for their progression, or some nice eye candy with the small chance of a shag, they would not be replying to your 'chatty' hows the new job texts. Is that cruel as well?

Oh, and if you don't like my male stereotypes and think 'your' men are different, don't do the same about women.

Original poster
Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 14:11

Im not talking about victim blaming about myself. I'm talking about other women that I have seen be bullied.

People on here are saying that if a woman thinks that other women are cruel, than it is the first woman's problem.

But I am thinking about other women that i know. I have seen really lovely women being viciously bullied in workplaces. And it definitely wasnt the victim's fault.

In each case where I have seen a woman be bullied at work, the woman was lovely. It was always the bully that was the much more aggressive person. The pattern of bullying that i have seen in workplaces, usually comes from jealousy.

OP posts:
FishHaveFeelings · 28/04/2023 14:12

Some of the responses on here are awful! So so mean and yes, cruel. And to deny it or try to wrap it up as something else, is the most obvious example of gas lighting.

Yes, the OP is clearly struggling with inter personal relationships whether she cares to admit that or not. But who's to say that her perception is off, that women being mean to her is all imagined and in her head? she may be more sensitive to slights or digs due to previous trauma, but that's not to say it didn't happen.Would it not be more useful to help by offering strategies to deal with negative behaviours/ bullying and in enforcing boundaries ? and yes, professional mental health support may well come in to that.

Whichwhatnow · 28/04/2023 14:13

OP I have been through school, college and university, and have now been in a highly competitive industry (law) for nearly a decade. There were some nasty pieces of work/bullies in school. However since then I can genuinely only think of one woman (a former boss) who I would actually describe as 'cruel'. Sure, there have been some women I don't get on with, either in my personal or professional life - tedious women, know it all women, piss taking women, women who are just twats IMO. All easily avoided or ignored. But none of them were 'cruel', and they have been far outweighed by all the lovely, supportive women I have had the pleasure of knowing.

It makes me wonder if you automatically call anyone who you don't get on with (or who doesn't get on with you) cruel? I just can't imagine coming across so many genuinely cruel women (or people in general, for that matter).

blackbeardsballsack · 28/04/2023 14:15

Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 14:11

Im not talking about victim blaming about myself. I'm talking about other women that I have seen be bullied.

People on here are saying that if a woman thinks that other women are cruel, than it is the first woman's problem.

But I am thinking about other women that i know. I have seen really lovely women being viciously bullied in workplaces. And it definitely wasnt the victim's fault.

In each case where I have seen a woman be bullied at work, the woman was lovely. It was always the bully that was the much more aggressive person. The pattern of bullying that i have seen in workplaces, usually comes from jealousy.

What makes you think that it is because of jealousy?

Can you give us some examples of the 'vicious' bullying?

MsDeb · 28/04/2023 14:15

I wasn't victim blaming, OP you are blaming all women for your issues. To be honest, on further reflection you could be looked at with some sympathy but not for the reasons you would like.
I'd also probably be very wary of you in a workplace because if you truly believe you are constantly being victimised, others need to be vigilant around you to protect themselves from false claims.

moomoomoo27 · 28/04/2023 14:16

In a work context - the cruel women are threatened by you, the men seem nice because they want to flirt or have sex with you. Neither option is good.

Deadpalm · 28/04/2023 14:16

I think OP is using the word cruel instead of mean or harsh or simply not nice...

Bluekerfuffle · 28/04/2023 14:16

I’ve had the opposite experience at work. The arses that complain about other people behind their backs and try and create problems between people have been male and the females usually quite pleasant and helpful to each other.

Original poster
Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 14:17

Sparklfairy · 28/04/2023 14:11

I think it's rather strange to post on a forum mostly used by women - especially when you admit to using other forums - and accuse women of being cruel and men are lovely...

Fwiw I kind of agree with your basic sentiment. I went to an all girls secondary school and the bullying is deeply insidious, very different to the boys school next door.

I never really learned how to play the 'girl game' in office politics. The reputation destruction, the gossip, the cliques. I hate it all.

But men are cruel in different ways. I'll play along with your very black and white, stereotypical thinking, and suggest that men are only 'lovely' to women when they want - or think they have a chance at getting - something from them. So all these 'lovely' men you speak of, on some level, want to be on your good side for their own benefit. That might be an ego boost or to look good for their own boss when you're productive and helpful etc. But that nice persona is a front, a mask, to suit their own agenda.

If any of these lovely men at work left the company and you were no longer useful for their progression, or some nice eye candy with the small chance of a shag, they would not be replying to your 'chatty' hows the new job texts. Is that cruel as well?

Oh, and if you don't like my male stereotypes and think 'your' men are different, don't do the same about women.

I think that you have an interesting point.

OP posts:
lightinthebox · 28/04/2023 14:17

I'm talking about other women that I have seen be bullied.

But in your OP on this thread you only talk about yourself and your experiences.

As others say, what do you want from this thread? Validation?

Are you willing to seek Mental Health help? That's not being cruel, but simply just advice to help you be happier and deal with past issues.

ModestMoon · 28/04/2023 14:18

I'm saying that there is a particular cruelty that is particular to women. Which is to tear down and abuse other women. And to be really vicious to women. They really like to diminish others and break them down.

And we have all experienced that in some shape or form.

I have honestly never experienced this. I have never had a woman be really vicious to me, or try to tear me down. The closest thing is a couple of girls I worked with on a Saturday in high school who were a bit mean to me. I have however experienced some bad treatment at the hands of men: sexual and emotional abuse, to start with. Belittling in the workplace, dropping me as a friend for women they wanted to sleep with.

The women in my life are wonderful. Clever, funny, caring and thoughtful people. You need to find the people who are right for you, be they male or female.

Runaway0 · 28/04/2023 14:19

Women don't have the physical power men do so we resort to relational aggression to display dominance. The most severe emotional bullying I've had has been by girls. It's gotten definitely less as I've gotten older I'm more assertive. I think you should have cbt to work on your assertiveness op.

Original poster
Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 14:20

MsDeb · 28/04/2023 14:15

I wasn't victim blaming, OP you are blaming all women for your issues. To be honest, on further reflection you could be looked at with some sympathy but not for the reasons you would like.
I'd also probably be very wary of you in a workplace because if you truly believe you are constantly being victimised, others need to be vigilant around you to protect themselves from false claims.

Oh my god.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mooshamoo · 28/04/2023 14:21

Runaway0 · 28/04/2023 14:19

Women don't have the physical power men do so we resort to relational aggression to display dominance. The most severe emotional bullying I've had has been by girls. It's gotten definitely less as I've gotten older I'm more assertive. I think you should have cbt to work on your assertiveness op.

Yes the most severe emotional bullying I've had, has been by girls too.

OP posts:
newnamethanks · 28/04/2023 14:23

Some women can be but, frankly, if I were seeking out a compassionate response to something distressing, my first call would not be to a man. Not to any man. You should seek help OP.