Do you think that women are really cruel?

[Mooshamoo]

I just think that every stage of my life has been destroyed by women.

As a child, it was the adult women that were around me that were the cruellest.

School, the girls were so cruel. I got on with the boys.
college, the same
work, the same.

I just started a new job (remote)and we have been in training for two months. As there is a lot of training.

The way the job works is that we have four managers while we are training. They all do shifts as managers with us. Then when we complete training , we are assigned one full time managers.

During the training, the two female managers only messaged me and called me to tell me what I was doing wrong. They kept telling me I was doing things wrong. They were nasty and cruel to me. The two male managers were different, they were really supportive of me, as I had just started in the job. They said to ask them any questions etc.

When I finished training, I prayed that I would get one of the male managers, which I did. He is very nice and supportive.

Now, a month into the job, we have been told that we will all be assigned a quality coach. Which will be one of three people. The quality coaches are two men and a woman. I've dealt with the two men before and they are lovely, supportive and kind. The woman is a bully and just enjoys having power over people.

Again I prayed to get one of the men, but I got the woman this time. She has been making my life a misery. She is supposed to be supportive and helpful to me, but she has been really abusive to me and she is awful. She enjoys knocking people down. One of my. Other team mates also has her, and also says that she is abusing her really badly. Like as quality coach her job is meant to be supporting and helping you. But she just tells you that you are shit and useless.

My other team mates that have the male quality coaches, say that they are so kind and supportive to them , and are really helpful.

I just wonder, what is this? Why do women always seem to enjoy knocking people down and being cruel?

What do you want exactly? You're on a majority female site, with a majority of female posters, and when they comment (quite rationally) you say all women are bitches. Grand stuff, take yourself off to reddit of somewhere.

If I wanted to do it I would do it by my own choice

A stranger on the internet telling me to do it, is not going to make me do it

@Mooshamoo I think the hope of most people posting is that if almost everyone is united in saying "this is not a healthy way of seeing the world", you might wonder if "hey, all those women might have a point. Maybe some help would improve my (currently unhappy) situation."

Rather than "you mean women are proving my point that women are horrible and cruel."

I've been the bitterly unhappy person with a heightened perceive slights and hurts.
It sucked.
I wish I'd known what I saw wasn't what was actually happening much earlier. I thought my mindset was normal. It took people outside to point out no, that's skewed. And I got counselling. And I'm much happier now.

The fact that you don't think therapy is any good doesn't mean that therapy isn't any good. The fact that you think that advice on a forum to seek mental health support is bad advice doesn't mean that it's bad advice. The fact that you think that the statement 'women are cruel' might be true doesn't mean it's true.

You seem to state your feelings as facts that can be applied to anybody... or as if we should 'know' that you think counselling is a bad idea, or that we should 'know' you don't want mental health support.

Why do you do that, when there is so much evidence to say that therapy is a good idea, and there are so many threads where people take advice and seek mental health support, and there are so many people who are women, so they can't possibly all be cruel? Why does your mind choose those paths to go down?

Sorry you've encountered two terrible therapists.

That doesn't mean that therapy is no good though.

I've seen a few different therapists, mostly NHS, and none were like you describe. Mine were supportive and helpful.

And yes, therapists are people too. That's why they have extensive therapy themselves, before they begin working with clients.

10+ women came on here and said that I had mental health issues.

I said it's offensive to say that to a stranger on the internet that you've never met. And that they are using it in this instance to call me unstable.and to knock me down

People are responding to what you write, that's all

what would you tell you? Do you think what you've written is 'normal' ?

Advising someone with clear mental health issues to seek appropriate support is not gaslighting. Gaslighting is trying to convince someone with good mental health that they have mental health problems.

That has not been my life experience at all. You have some real issues if you think you can blame all your problems on one gender. YABU.

You are doing it again OP.

The same damaged (not a critiscism - somebody in your young life damaged you, It's not your fault) thinking that proclaims "all women are cruel" has just proclaimed "no therapist will work for me."

You have met TWO therapists in you life, out of millions.

The first time I tried to disclose my CSA to a health professional, I felt her response was sarcastic. Whether it was, or whether I was misinterpreting due to my own triggers & skewed impressions, is moot - the point is that, oike you, I did not go back to see her.

So it was years before I finally accessed the thorough, expert MH help I needed. I found a therapist who suited me, who challenged or showed compassion in equal measures ... & my life slowly improved, as I learned to recognise behaviour traits, & avoid abusive people. Some of those traits were my own. It's very common for adults who were abused as children to seek out, or be sought out, by people who continue the abuse in subtle, or different ways. The survivor is often too mired in muddled thinking patterns to spot it for herself. Therapy helps her do just that.

When a chilkd;s early life is blighted by abuse, that child will gravitate toward more abuse as an adult - not consciously, but because it feels like home, & they mistake it for love. Often, "we do what we know - not what we want."

You responded positively to @sparepantsandtoothbrush's post, & what a result that it led you to think about the film Good Will Hunting.
I don't know why, but that post kind of got something through to me. Maybe I am a bit defensive about getting mental health help.
Give yourself some self-care OP.
Look on it the same as you would for any physical health discomfort - you have an issue, you see a medical professional.
Or even as a personal fitness goal - you'd like to be fitter/run a marathon/build some muscle, so you go to a gym, work with a trainer. MH improves when we actively exercise healthy thinking patterns - & we ALL needs help in seeing the wood for the trees about what's healthy, & how to maintain it, at some stage in our lives.

Thanks for this. Food for thought!

Of course some women can be cruel. And some men can be cruel. It is wildly inaccurate to suggest that women "always seem to enjoy knocking people down and being cruel." That is a huge generalisation that cannot possibly be supported with evidence.

I agree with you OP, but you won't get much agreement here, a very feminist space, and as everyone knows, there plenty of vipers here!

I have some fantastic female friends, they are like sisters, my closest friends are women. I also have plenty of male friends. But noone can do psychology bullying as well as women and girls. I purposely avoid ending up in only female friendship groups, it usually gets complicated and catty in my experience. Maybe I've just been unlucky but I'm pretty old now and have formed my own opinions.

Psychological*

But noone can do psychology bullying as well as women and girls

Apart from abusive men. They're pretty good at it.

There are obviously psychologically abusive men too, but it's just my experience, and I'm referring mostly to groups rather than domestic situations.

Hmmmm, I think men and women psychologically abuse in very different ways. Women really know which buttons to press to emotionally hurt each other.

I think you're right, it comes from emotional intelligence and knowing how to hurt.
You don't really get the male equivalent of the AIBU pile ins and take downs. If you do please show me where because I'd love to witness it!

Yup, that's the one! Mooshamoo was saying that all of England, is cruel, now it's all women.

You need some help, OP. Based on this and other threads, you’re not receiving the support you need and I urge you to find it.

If you choose to see this as cruel, victim blaming, it rather makes my point.

It’s not being ‘cruel’ to point out you clearly need some help, it’s being kind.

Erm, Twitter?

God, who is left? Someone needs to do a Venn diagram 😂

I only have female friends and none of the friendships overlap. Never had a problem since I stopped group friendships that's when the drama, and bullying kicks in. I don't think it's women I think its female group dynamics. Mixed groups I socialised with didn't have the issues.

My experience of therapy is extensive and I have sought help from a number of people from NHS clinical psychologists for trauma to hypnotherapists. Some were amazing. Others couldn’t help me at all. They lacked the insight into my needs. Inexperience perhaps, one was full of herself another bullied me. The one, who helped me the most was a very empathetic woman, who opened up to me at a soul level. It was very difficult work but healed me the most.

Two therapists, who don’t match are two therapists, who don’t match.

Have you heard of Heart Speak? This is a technique, where the therapist gets the client to work through their trauma but they don’t need to share what happened with them to make the process work. It may help as you’re obviously feeling very vulnerable. There are a few therapists in the uk.

was thinking about a study that I read about children who suffered psychological abuse. It affected them for their whole lives and it badly impacted many areas of their lives. Sexual abuse is of course more harmful, but psychological abuse is also abuse, and it has many negative effects on people

Absolutely and I think that people who have suffered this are encouraged to get some kind of specialist therapy to help them come to terms with their past and find a better way forward

I guess you've never heard of reddit?

Yes absolutely. We know what hurts US, so we know which stick to wield when it comes to others.