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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drop friend off after work out of my way

291 replies

Cherryblossomgirly · 27/04/2023 17:09

My friend doesn’t drive and she usually gets the bus back home from work bus she has recently been asking me and someone else to drop her off as it’s free, shorter journey time and they’ve become unreliable recently. The thing is, she lives the opposite way so I have to drive southbound 20 minutes, 20 minutes back to the junction and then 15 minutes northbound home, so a journey for me which would normally take about 20 minutes ends up taking about an hour (and because of traffic HER SIDE last night took almost 2hrs!) I know it’s good to be helpful but it’s just too cheeky for me, I wouldn’t mind if it were on the way but it’s just too much! I want to stop doing it but I don’t know what to excuse to give.
My other work friend complains about it too but it’s not as far for her as for me.

OP posts:
hairypaws · 27/04/2023 17:11

Keep it very simple. Just tell her the arrangement doesn't work for you and she needs to sort out her own commute. No way would I be stuck it's this routine.

BarrelOfOtters · 27/04/2023 17:11

I think you have to say sorry but you can't do it anymore, it's too far out of her way. I wouldn't expect a friend to drive an extra hour and 40 minutes for me after work unless it was an absolute emergency. It's really not unreasonable to say it doesn't work for you.

MrsSkylerWhite · 27/04/2023 17:13

She’s completely unreasonable even asking.

No, you live in the opposite direction, is all that’s needed.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/04/2023 17:13

she has recently been asking me and someone else to drop her off as it’s free

It’s not free, though-is it? Free for her maybe, but it’s not free for you in either time or petrol! I’d tell her that.

jellyfrizz · 27/04/2023 17:13

Tell her it took you two hours and you just can't afford that kind of time.

TheKobayashiMaru · 27/04/2023 17:13

Does she offer to pay for petrol?

Sleepydaffodil · 27/04/2023 17:14

Grow a backbone and just say you don’t want to! You don’t need to give an excuse!
Honestly, I don’t know how people get through life being such people pleasers. It doesn’t make you a bad person to say no to doing something that not only doesn’t benefit you but actually has a negative impact on you. I genuinely don’t understand why you’d not have said no the first time you were asked.

Iwrotethelyricstoaxlf · 27/04/2023 17:15

Friend

you live in the opposite direction and it’s more than doubling my travel time (don’t mention cost as she can counter that with money) so I won’t be able to take you home any more.

Hankunamatata · 27/04/2023 17:16

Just say no

Iloveacurry · 27/04/2023 17:18

She’s being a CF. She lives in the opposite direction, why would you drive her home? It’s not on your way!

HighlandDays · 27/04/2023 17:18

If you're awkward about a blunt no, can you say it's taking too long for you to get back to your child / dog / hobby / class / partner and dinner??

Leftphalange100 · 27/04/2023 17:19

You don't have to give an excuse. I agree you need to grow a backbone!

Just message and say that from next week she will have to make alternative arrangements, as adding all that extra time onto your working day doesn't work for you.

It's not your responsibility to organise someone else's commute from work

Undisclosedlocation · 27/04/2023 17:19

What on earth do you mean by wanting to find an excuse! Just say no

You should have said no when the CF asked initially. A true friend wouldn’t make such an imposition, she sounds like a user to me

SallyWD · 27/04/2023 17:20

Tell her it's taking too much of your time, you need to get home and it's costing a fortune in petrol.
She's being outrageously cheeky!

Newusernameaug · 27/04/2023 17:20

No is a complete sentence!

or if you want to be polite, no sorry friend, giving you a life doesn’t work for me as it’s at least an hour if not 2 hrs to get home,

Pinkdelight3 · 27/04/2023 17:21

This is nuts. You don't need an excuse. It's not on your way, so you're not 'dropping her off', you're doing a special journey with a load of extra aggro. Fuck that. Just say no, you need to get home and she needs to make her own way home.

Sewingdufus · 27/04/2023 17:21

A simple no would do. But if you want a longer answer explain how it’s quicker for her but trebles your journey time, ask her for mileage expenses for the additional mileage, or offer to drive her to your area but explain you’re not going out of your way!

she’s a CFer to even ask.

Iris1976 · 27/04/2023 17:22

I voted yabu,to just not tell her exactly that,I'm not doing it again because it can take between 1-2 hours to get home.
If she's a friend she wouldn't expect you to.

Weallgottachangesometime · 27/04/2023 17:22

Why not just say exactly what you said above. “Sorry I can’t drop you home, after I’d dropped you home Wednesday I didn’t get home until x and I need to be back earlier than that”.

or just say sorry I’m not able to tonight….and just keep saying that until she gets the picture.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 27/04/2023 17:23

Does she know where you live and how far you're detouring? If she does she's a complete CF.

I would never have agreed to this in the first place. I'd be blunt and tell her how much it's costing you in petrol and time.

MelchiorsMistress · 27/04/2023 17:23

Im shocked you agreed to this as more than a one off in the first place! Just tell her you’ve found that it’s taking too long to drive her and you want to be home at a more reasonable time so you will no longer be able to give her a lift.

Send her a message if it’s easier.

Original poster
Cherryblossomgirly · 27/04/2023 17:24

The reason I find it awkward to say no is that she is a quite a close friend and I’ve known her for over 11 years so I wouldn’t want any awkwardness. She knows what I do at home so can’t say I need to rush back for anything.

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 27/04/2023 17:24

The word drop off implies her home is en route to yours. What she's actually asking is: will you take me home.

Leeds2 · 27/04/2023 17:25

If it helps, use last night's delay to explain why you won't be taking her home anymore.

MelchiorsMistress · 27/04/2023 17:26

It’s already awkward though. She’s happy for you to feel awkward because she’s getting a massive favour every day and she doesn’t even have to pay for it. Put the awkwardness back in her court.