To not want to drop friend off after work out of my way

[Cherryblossomgirly]

My friend doesn’t drive and she usually gets the bus back home from work bus she has recently been asking me and someone else to drop her off as it’s free, shorter journey time and they’ve become unreliable recently. The thing is, she lives the opposite way so I have to drive southbound 20 minutes, 20 minutes back to the junction and then 15 minutes northbound home, so a journey for me which would normally take about 20 minutes ends up taking about an hour (and because of traffic HER SIDE last night took almost 2hrs!) I know it’s good to be helpful but it’s just too cheeky for me, I wouldn’t mind if it were on the way but it’s just too much! I want to stop doing it but I don’t know what to excuse to give.
My other work friend complains about it too but it’s not as far for her as for me.

“mate, I’m so sorry but I’m not going to be able to drop you off anymore as it’s taking me an absolute age to get home afterwards- took me 2 hours last night and it’s normally a 20 minute journey. Soz”
she isn’t your responsibility, and it’s not you making things awkward it’s her. Text her if you don’t want the face to face conversation

She might be a close friend, but she doesn’t sound a good one!

How often is she asking you to do this?

I’d poke up with a little awkwardness rather than 2 hour journeys and a fuck tonne of petrol costs.

"[mate], it's been taking me 1-2 hours to get home every night and it's wearing me out. I'm sorry but since you live in the opposite direction to my house I can't do lifts anymore. Xx"

Sadly you are now stuck doing this forever as we can offer you no excuse or reason that you will be brave enough to use.

Maybe you should move house nearer to her?

Just tell her it took you 2 hours yesterday, that’s ridiculous! No way is she reasonable to ask you again.

Ha, almost the same as me, but better worded. OP, do this.

I'm the one that's voted YABU , for giving the lift in the first place.

What on earth possessed you to drive over 30 mins out of your way to give someone a lift home?

First time they asked I would have genuinely been puzzled , and probably would have ssaid "well obviously I can't, it's 35 minutes at least on my journey because it's in the opposite direction "

Bizarre situation, and more your fault than your CF colleague.

Possibly she hasn't stopped to think how much extra she's added to your journey

You need to spell it out - sorry even without traffic it's over 40minutes out my way, I can't do that

The longer this goes on the more resentment will grow and spoil any friendship you have.
Be honest and say you can no longer afford the extra time on a regular basis.

I got pushed into bringing a colleague into work every morning… opposite direction and very early shift start. Never offered fuel money ever. She started being later and later making us later into work. Final straw was the one morning, I got a row for us BOTH being late!!!
I wasn’t bloody late!!
She made us late😡
Next day she just never came for the lift, so I carried on to work - she rang work for me to go and fetch her!!! (No!)
She was really nasty to me after that!!
I never get involved in lifts except in very rare situations… somehow the ‘lifter’ gets the blame!

Some people just take the piss unfortunately and your work pal sounds like one of them. Just tell them you can’t do it anymore and she’s going to have to make her own arrangements to get to work- like normal non piss taking adults do!

She is really not a good friend, this is a totally unreasonable request and she should never have asked. Just say "I'll drop you home tomorrow but that's it. I'm not driving x minutes in the opposite direction any more."

Is she such a good friend? Surely if she was such a good friend she would know your situation (in that she would have asked how much you go out of your way to where she needs to be?). It doesn't seem to be the case tho. It is as if you are two strangers with uncomfortable arrangements? Do you not speak to each other??

She is clearly taking the p*.

Why did you agree to this in the first place?? Crazy arrangement, your ’friend’ has a brass neck!

OK thanks for the replies I’ll have to nip it in the bud soon and to whoever asked how often it is it’s usually Mondays and Wednesdays. I don’t work Thu/Fri so might put something over the weekend as I would rather do that than face to face.

No-one in their right mind would sacrifice a 20 minute drive for 2 hours! You're crazy to not refuse, just because you might hurt her feelings! She wants to get home quicker than the bus, but she's not considering how much extra time its adding onto yours?! Shes being very self absorbed and entitled. You can still be polite but firm. Just message her, "I'm really sorry but I can't give you any more lifts home from work. It's turned my 20 minute journey into 2 hours yesterday. Take care."

I feel for you as I'm the same.

I used to work in a place where various workers on different days would ask for lifts which were always out of my way and I did it for ages and when I stopped it was from made up excuses like 'I'm going straight to my friends house or going shopping etc'.

I know it's bloody ridiculous. Thankfully I work from home now.

That was years ago though in my 20s. I think now I would actually say its well out of the way if asked or just come up with something like I need to be home at x time for this that or the other straight off the bat.

So if you can't just say no ans it's out of your way, there is probably a number of things you could come up with.

I have to go to my friends straight from work to help ger with x for x period of time.

You have a new puppy and need to get home, provided she will never come to your house and see the lack of dog.

You've started an evening class...

Hopefully it's of some help. It's a bloody horrible situation to be in.

She’s the one creating the awkwardness by being a CF and expecting you to do it. Not your problem, don’t feel bad for a second.

If anything, your first sentence shows why it shouldn’t be awkward. You’re not acquaintances - your friends shouldn’t judge you for speaking freely

Is there a specific reason she hasn't learnt to drive?

Does she live with anyone who can give her lifts?

Has she actually said to you that she wants you to drive her because it’s free??

Jinx 😁

A friend of 11 years surely knows where you live and realises how much you have to go out of your way? Just seems rather odd your friend has no comprehension or takes no notice of this?

I wouldn't mention the extra petrol it takes you or ask for a payment because she'll then think thst you'll do it if she pays.

Just tell her that you did it as a favour but can't carry on because it's the wrong way and takes you too long.