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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to wish my husband wouldn't call for a "chat" at lunchtime?

241 replies

JAPB79 · 27/04/2023 14:02

I don't mind if there's a reason for calling, but random chats everyday, often after having already texted to ask how my day's going, are a bit much. Especially when I'm at work. I have nothing to say and I just want to get on with my day! We'll speak later at home! Anyone else or am I a grumpy, ungrateful cow?! The most annoying thing is that he will call me, then expect me to make conversation!
If anyone is sympathetic to my cause, any ideas on how to gently ask him to cease and desist unless there's something to say?!

OP posts:
PortiasBiscuit · 27/04/2023 14:03

Don’t answer, set automatic text and bang that when he calls . This is what I do with my daughters.

Mwnci123 · 27/04/2023 14:03

I call my husband for a chat at lunch and we message during the day. If he told me he didn't like it I'd stop. Obviously I think you're being a little bit grumpy about it, biased as I am, but in his position I would just want to be told straight.

alittlequinnie · 27/04/2023 14:04

I sit with my husband at lunchtime but I still don't really "talk" to him!

... and I really love him - just want to either get on with work or "switch off" at lunchtime!

PousseyNotMoira · 27/04/2023 14:04

Just ask him to stop. This is your husband, presumably you can just communicate with him directly?

Heroicallyfound · 27/04/2023 14:04

Tell him what you need (space to concentrate on work? Time alone?) and ask him what he needs (maybe he needs more quality time with you??)

Just talk to him about it!

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 27/04/2023 14:04

Just tell him and be brutally honest. I think that would be too much for me too.

MintJulia · 27/04/2023 14:05

You could try letting the call go to voicemail.

Be in a swimming pool, or mowing the lawn or in the dentist (no calls allowed). Or make pastry, you can't answer a phone when covered in butter & flour. He'll soon get used to it 🙂

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 27/04/2023 14:05

My husband always rings at lunch for a chat, if I don't want to or can't speak I just don't answer.

Simples

Aaron95 · 27/04/2023 14:06

That would annoy me too. Strikes me as very clingy. But then I work with some people who do text their OH many times each day and have calls like you mention every single lunchime. I think that's weird, but they find it odd that I don't normally talk to my OH until I get home in the evening.

So I would say no you are not unreasonable to ask him to stop unless it is important.

HarryBlaster · 27/04/2023 14:07

I feel the same! I get exactly the same thing. Bearing in mind that we wfh together 98% of the time as well. The odd time I’m staying at my mum’s for one night on my own with our dd and he’ll expect a call in the evening and a full blown chat about anything and everything. This is when I don’t see my mum regularly and I’m really looking forward to the chat and enjoying getting some time away. Drives me crazy. It’s definitely not you, don’t worry. Or I’m a grumpy cow too 😂

Brbreeze · 27/04/2023 14:07

I used to speak to my husband every day at lunchtime, probably for most of the last 10 years. It would mean getting away from my desk and going for a walk which was good for me, even just for 10 minutes.
Fallen out of the habit since having a baby 18 months ago, we usually text instead. Shame really because we never have time for a proper conversation nowadays!

Trez1510 · 27/04/2023 14:08

My partner and I used to chat every lunchtime when we worked.

It was a 'touch base' type of call (unless there was something specific to update on) and lasted ten minutes max.

I enjoyed those calls, the removal from work pressure or the ability to vent freely, even for ten minutes.

Each to their own, though.

mainsfed · 27/04/2023 14:09

Don’t answer, ask him to text you if it’s impotahnt.

mainsfed · 27/04/2023 14:10

Trez1510 · 27/04/2023 14:08

My partner and I used to chat every lunchtime when we worked.

It was a 'touch base' type of call (unless there was something specific to update on) and lasted ten minutes max.

I enjoyed those calls, the removal from work pressure or the ability to vent freely, even for ten minutes.

Each to their own, though.

10 minutes to touch base? We do that in 10 seconds 🤣

Original poster
JAPB79 · 27/04/2023 14:11

HarryBlaster · 27/04/2023 14:07

I feel the same! I get exactly the same thing. Bearing in mind that we wfh together 98% of the time as well. The odd time I’m staying at my mum’s for one night on my own with our dd and he’ll expect a call in the evening and a full blown chat about anything and everything. This is when I don’t see my mum regularly and I’m really looking forward to the chat and enjoying getting some time away. Drives me crazy. It’s definitely not you, don’t worry. Or I’m a grumpy cow too 😂

Good to know it's not just me 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
JAPB79 · 27/04/2023 14:12

PousseyNotMoira · 27/04/2023 14:04

Just ask him to stop. This is your husband, presumably you can just communicate with him directly?

I know you're right. He can be a bit sensitive but I do need to be upfront.

OP posts:
Original poster
JAPB79 · 27/04/2023 14:12

Heroicallyfound · 27/04/2023 14:04

Tell him what you need (space to concentrate on work? Time alone?) and ask him what he needs (maybe he needs more quality time with you??)

Just talk to him about it!

We definitely could do with more time.

OP posts:
Original poster
JAPB79 · 27/04/2023 14:13

Aaron95 · 27/04/2023 14:06

That would annoy me too. Strikes me as very clingy. But then I work with some people who do text their OH many times each day and have calls like you mention every single lunchime. I think that's weird, but they find it odd that I don't normally talk to my OH until I get home in the evening.

So I would say no you are not unreasonable to ask him to stop unless it is important.

I'm a massive introvert so by the time I'm done with the school run and spending all morning sorting out dd for school before that I don't want to speak to anyone 😆

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/04/2023 14:13

I hate talking on the phone to anyone for any reason, so thankfully dh wouldn't dream of ringing me unless it was urgent. Daily phonecalls every lunch when you will see each other in a few hours would drive me mad.

So if you don't want to do it then you need to talk to him.

Original poster
JAPB79 · 27/04/2023 14:14

Brbreeze · 27/04/2023 14:07

I used to speak to my husband every day at lunchtime, probably for most of the last 10 years. It would mean getting away from my desk and going for a walk which was good for me, even just for 10 minutes.
Fallen out of the habit since having a baby 18 months ago, we usually text instead. Shame really because we never have time for a proper conversation nowadays!

Ah that's a shame. It does change with children. I think this is half my problem. Spending so much time speaking to 5 year old dd I'm exhausted for all other conversations!

OP posts:
Cotswoldmama · 27/04/2023 14:15

I'd find it annoying an clingy. I'd find it weird for him to even text unless it's for something specific. If I was to get a call or text I would assume it was something important and be annoyed if it was just to see how my day was going.

Trez1510 · 27/04/2023 14:15

mainsfed · 27/04/2023 14:10

10 minutes to touch base? We do that in 10 seconds 🤣

Show quote history

Well, aren't you efficient (or boring)?

As I said, each to their own. 🙂

Original poster
JAPB79 · 27/04/2023 14:16

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 27/04/2023 14:13

I hate talking on the phone to anyone for any reason, so thankfully dh wouldn't dream of ringing me unless it was urgent. Daily phonecalls every lunch when you will see each other in a few hours would drive me mad.

So if you don't want to do it then you need to talk to him.

Yes I hate the phone too! Always have. Texting is a godsend 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
JAPB79 · 27/04/2023 14:16

Cotswoldmama · 27/04/2023 14:15

I'd find it annoying an clingy. I'd find it weird for him to even text unless it's for something specific. If I was to get a call or text I would assume it was something important and be annoyed if it was just to see how my day was going.

We're kindred spirits 😂

OP posts:
Mrstwiddle · 27/04/2023 14:17

I can't imagine this, what are you actually finding there is to talk about?! It seems rather needy on his part.

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