... to wish my husband wouldn't call for a "chat" at lunchtime?

[JAPB79]

I don't mind if there's a reason for calling, but random chats everyday, often after having already texted to ask how my day's going, are a bit much. Especially when I'm at work. I have nothing to say and I just want to get on with my day! We'll speak later at home! Anyone else or am I a grumpy, ungrateful cow?! The most annoying thing is that he will call me, then expect me to make conversation!
If anyone is sympathetic to my cause, any ideas on how to gently ask him to cease and desist unless there's something to say?!

Yes this is the part I find hardest. I'm not a chit chatty person. I hate small talk! Nothing against it, just not for me. Maybe I should suggest someone else who'd like it 😆

Yes!

I had a BF who would phone for a chat in the evening, but wait for me to make the conversation. In the early days, I'd oblige and drone on. In the latter days, when he was getting on my last nerve, I'd just stay silent until he spoke. Used to amuse me.

You will be amazed at how quickly he gets out of the habit after a few days of ignoring the phone. He might ask a few times, you can say you were super busy and the time got away with you. I bet after a week or two he’s out of the habit. It happened with my mother

This would drive me bats. Lunch is for either working, cracking on with a personal bit of admin, or zoning out and staring into space on a bench with a sandwich. Talking would mean being “on” and I’m already “on” all day at work and during the nursery runs and weekends when DD doesn’t shut up. I, and by the sound of it you, need off time.

You could try to explain that to him nicely but if it were me I’d probably just pick up the phone once and shout “WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT? NO!” and regret that you can’t satisfyingly hang up a smartphone the same way you could a nice clattery landline.

To each their own but we call each other at lunch to touch base. Sometimes we have a quick 3 minutes and one of us is too busy to talk much. Other times it’s longer while we’re discussing the various things we’ve been doing, or have to do.

I like it personally but just tell him if you don’t.

This would do my head in.

Me and DP don't speak during the day at all.

At least one of us works from home every day because of the dog.

When the person who's been out gets home, we get a brew and sit in the living room.

The person who's been out then gives a full run-down of absolutely everything in their day in chronological order.

Then its the turn of the person who's been at home.

We call it the "Sex O'clock News" because its the least sexy thing you can imagine but it feels incredibly intimate and loving.

No! I’m in my thirties and same! I’m rather surprised at some of these responses, tbh. I don’t know and have never worked with, anyone who has done this.

If DH rang me at lunchtime, I’d genuinely assume something terrible had happened (good stuff, he’d text me or wait till we got home).

I ring my husband twice a day, on my breaks, mainly to touch base, remind him to collect something or other, kids activities and discuss bits happening for either of us. 2 to 3 mins calls. I go through periods of feeling tied down by this routine but then recently he was working somewhere where he couldnt ring me all day and it was disconcerting to be honest.

"Oh DH my signal is so crap today" click

That’s a fair point. If I don’t like something, I just tell DH (and vice versa). It’s very hard to imagine a situation where I couldn’t do that. I take on board that this isn’t the nature of everyone’s relationship.

I don’t see how anything ever gets sorted if you can’t just say what you want/need, though. ☹️

That would drive me nuts. I think perhaps it's an introvert/extrovert kind of thing? I need to be away from people to recharge. I'd find having to talk to someone at lunch every single day exhausting - even if it was someone I loved dearly.
And it's not easy to just say so. People do take it personally. XH used to really get the hump when I asked for a bit of quiet time. It's not the reason he's an ex, but I really don't miss that bit either.
No real advice here, OP, but by god, I get it

I’m with you Op.
I only call DH during the day ( or vice Verda) if there’s an emergency. Text only if one of us is at home and we need something doing.
I find it a bit weird when colleagues and family call their other half all the time. It’s a bit needy
My SIL gets a bit flappy if her DH calls her and she can’t answer the phone straight away due to driving. The second she’s able to she calls him back. I don’t know if it’s him being controlling or her just being a bit strange

My DP each day asks what time I finish work. It’s the same time everyday. He also calls me on his way home when he finished work and is surprised I am still working. I work at home

when he comes to mine - he finishes early - he spends ages chatting to me when I am still working.

I now don’t answer and don’t talk to him when at home. I work 2 hrs more than him.

It's a bloody nightmare! 🤣

I would hate that! I could understand it maybe if the two of you were so busy with your lives and children etc. at the end of the day, that this was the only good time you had to catch up. My husband and I are not in that position so we have plenty of time in the evening to chat. The only time we ever call or text during the day is for logistical reasons. I'll be home at this time, or please pick up milk when you're at the store, etc.

I don't need a phone call from him to know he's thinking about me, and vice versa.

I (very, very briefly) had a relationship like this. But before mobiles. He'd ring my desk phone so couldn't just ignore it as open plan office where desks facing each other in an octagon set up. He'd ask inane questions about what I was up to/working on that I had to answer in front of colleagues. Awful. Clingy man.

Personally I find the people calling it needy a bit odd.

I’m not sure if it’s an age thing my parents are happily together and don’t speak at all throughout the day unless it’s important.

but myself and my partner message every few hours and probably call up to 3 times a day for quick catch ups. neither myself or my partner cares if one of us doesn’t answer or reply but we enjoy talking to each other

to the person who said they’d run out of things to talk about what do you do when you have to actually spend time with them? At weekends or evenings out…

Can I ask why you do this? And why you’d be hurt? No judgement, just genuinely interested!

Lunchtime is my time to myself/read my book/mess about on MN/chat to my friends/chat to colleagues/listen to music/randomly shop for shoes online/run the occasional errand/insert solo activity. Do you (or he) not need or enjoy that solo period? Do you carve out other parts of the day for yourself or do you just not want that?

It wasn't me, but I do think it would be harder to find things to talk about when we spend time together, if we'd already updated each other on what was going on with each other over the phone three times a day!

How about telling him that
Its not that hard op

Stop complaining on here and deal with your "problem " by chatting to the guy.

Or don't answer your phone ?!

@Verigio

"I do this 🙈 call him on lunch AND in the car on my way home!"

In the car on the way home? But why? Aren't you going to see him as soon as you get home?

OP don't you think it's a bit strange that you can't just tell him?

I sound cranky
Apologies

But I do mean it
Just talk to him and be honest :)

Yes it does feel a bit needy. There's very little to talk about and I'd rather leave it for later.