... to wish my husband wouldn't call for a "chat" at lunchtime?

[JAPB79]

I don't mind if there's a reason for calling, but random chats everyday, often after having already texted to ask how my day's going, are a bit much. Especially when I'm at work. I have nothing to say and I just want to get on with my day! We'll speak later at home! Anyone else or am I a grumpy, ungrateful cow?! The most annoying thing is that he will call me, then expect me to make conversation!
If anyone is sympathetic to my cause, any ideas on how to gently ask him to cease and desist unless there's something to say?!

Dh and I wouldn't even ring each other if we went away for a few days. I literally cannot imagine wanting to talk to him in the middle of a work day.

To each their own I suppose

So clingy ... can't you just tell him you are busy ...or switch your phone off. I can't imagine just phoning my DH 'for a chat' mid day. Do you WFH or in an office/shared space?

I have never in 35 years, phoned Dp in working hours unless it was an emergency.

This is how I feel. Would happily go days without speaking. Sadly he feels differently.

This is half the problem. I'm either WFH or in a solo office space.

This is the gold standard for me.

Agree gray - we are probably the same vintage, is it a generation thing to need to be in touch constantly?

He's 46 and I'm 43 🤷‍♀️

I find it needy too and my H does it 4 or 5 times a day. We work 'together' for ourselves, but I go to the coworking hub- but sometimes he calls me just about general stuff - he is at home WFH -

It's always driven me nuts- he thinks I'm odd that I don't much go for it

It's sweet that you both phone each other and chat.
I would cherish the sentiment but deal with the practicality.
Perhaps suggest that certain days of the week are better/worse than others due to work demands.

Then he can phone you some days and knows you won't be up for a chat or even answer on others without him being offended.

I’d be annoyed by that. Either don’t answer or say you’re busy and you’ll chat later.

My DH often likes to call for a long rambling chats! I mean, it's quite sweet in a way but I'd rather just catch up face to face at the end of the day.

Oh I would hate that and would feel completely suffocated. I'm also mid-40s, maybe it is a thing. We didn't grow up being available at all times so it doesn't come as natural to us. My teenage kids are flabbergasted I can go for long dog walks or to the shop and leave my phone at home. I just love being in my own space sometimes without feeling that I need to be available to everyone.

I love these posts. They clearly come from people who are not married to needy and fragile individuals who find any kind of feedback like this deeply hurtful!

OP - I hear you. I would not like this. I think I'm with you and @Cotswoldmama

That sounds very needy. The weirdest thing is that he calls you and then expects you to make conversation. So he isn’t calling to say something, he just vaguely wants you to chat? And you’ve already had a text convo? I’d hate that, but then I don’t enjoy purposeless chitchat anyway.
I suspect there isn’t a way to ask him to stop apart from telling him you don’t want daily calls. I’d just reject the call and let it go to voicemail!

I've heard there's such a thing as being "touched out" - when you've been mauled and climbed all over by young children all day. Maybe this is the mental/verbal version!

see i would love that, And it shows hes thinking of you and cares for you, i think its sweet. BUT it would depend on his reaction if you were to busy and didnt answer/talk because if he wasnt okay with not talking to you at lunch then id have a problem with it

I do this 🙈 call him on lunch AND in the car on my way home!

If he asked me to stop I would but I’d be a little hurt on the inside!

As PP have said your best bet is to only answer when you can be arsed to talk!

It wouldn't cross dp's mind to phone me just for a chat...we see enough of each other at home! Not sure I could cope with it either, I like to spend much lunch breaks alone in peace and quiet or I don't feel like I've had a proper break. Maybe just try and phase them out by not answering? Unless you can ask him to stop without upsetting him

Oh that would absolutely stifle me. If I called dh during his workday, it would be an emergency or for something fairly urgent.

you are grumpy.

I speak to DH most lunch times for a chat unless one of us is very busy at which point we say so. We also chat on our commute home from work even though the journey is only 20 mins

I speak to my husband most days at lunch for a quick catch up. He works from home 3 days a week but the two he is in the office we like to chat. I suppose I am used to him being around and miss him. He calls me.

Just tell him if it’s not for you. There is really nothing to say on these calls. If he’s sensitive it will be hard to phrase it. Maybe phrase it as you wanting to stop all talking and do some mindfulness type thing at lunch?

I used to have one of those. I worked away during the week, 8-4 with no access to my phone though. They'd text me every morning at 8.30 wishing me good morning, then getting more irrate that I'd ignored them from lunch time onwards. Every single day. No matter how many times I explained to them. Clingy AF.

Reduce it - don't answer and text after lunch - 'Sorry busy day all ok, chat later x'

Or mention to him - I'm guna xxx (go to shop, look online for, etc) at lunch today.

Exactly this.