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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is gender stereotyping?

225 replies

angiec89 · 27/04/2023 08:28

Was talking with a friend a few days ago and she mentioned she was looking for a babysitter for her two kids this Saturday. I suggested DS as he's 16 and local (he could walk there and back), and she knows him well. He's done babysitting before for other friends and neighbours.
My friend looked surprised and essentially said thanks but no thanks.
I thought that seemed reasonable enough as her kids are quite young so maybe she wanted someone older. But no, instead she asked her neighbour's 14 year old daughter instead!
AIBU to think this is because my son's a male?

OP posts:
Moonlightsonatas · 27/04/2023 08:30

Yes it’s unfair but I wouldn’t want a 16 year old boy looking after my daughters, sorry!

msisfine · 27/04/2023 08:32

I'd much rather a 16 year old with some experience look after my kid than a 14 year old! If he's sensible and reliable I'd have no issue with it

PuttingDownRoots · 27/04/2023 08:33

My next doors 16yo lad used to babysit for mine when they little. DDs loved him. His mum used to pop in to read a bedtime story though as he was worried it was inappropriate to be in little girls bedrooms.

Unfortunately society can be very judge about men that chose to work with children.

GP75 · 27/04/2023 08:33

It's sex stereotyping, 99% of sexual offenders are male so I wouldn't take the chance on a 16 year old lad, lovely though he no doubt is 🤷

Hugasauras · 27/04/2023 08:36

Yes it is but I don't think it's hard to understand why. It's not fair for your son, but we know that men are overwhelmingly more likely to carry out sex offences than women, and I wouldn't have an unknown man looking after my young children either.

Of course I'm not suggesting for a minute your son would do anything of the sort, but unfortunately he's paying the price for a systemic and deep-rooted issue in our society with men and sexual violence. It's why I've also told my daughter if she's ever lost to find a woman to ask for help.

MuffinToSeeHere · 27/04/2023 08:39

msisfine · 27/04/2023 08:32

I'd much rather a 16 year old with some experience look after my kid than a 14 year old! If he's sensible and reliable I'd have no issue with it

Agreed. I think I'd want a babysitter to be a minimum of 16 regardless of their gender. 14 year olds whilst possibly mature would not be my choice to look after 1 young child let alone 2 independently.

Hellsmovie · 27/04/2023 08:44

Unfortunately your boy is viewed as a potential rapist, just for being male .

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 27/04/2023 08:52

It's safeguarding. Look at the sex-divided statistics for CSA. No I'm sure not your son but why would she take that risk when she doesn't have to?

Oysterbabe · 27/04/2023 08:56

It's sad but you only have to look at the stats to understand why someone would choose a female to look after their girls.

MuffinToSeeHere · 27/04/2023 08:58

Oysterbabe · 27/04/2023 08:56

It's sad but you only have to look at the stats to understand why someone would choose a female to look after their girls.

It's interesting a few posters have automatically assumed the children are female, the op didn't actually say did she?

YouAreNotBatman · 27/04/2023 08:59

No way I’d let any boy or a man babysit.
98% sexual assaults are done by males.
And even more so I wouldn’t want a 16 y/o anywhere near a child, not today’s world where most of them have been brought up with violent porn and their brain’s are all messed up, add to that that no one seems to have any boundaries, so who know what he’d do.

Bimbom · 27/04/2023 09:01

I'd far rather my child be looked after by a 14yo girl than a 16yo boy. Sorry!

Irequireausername · 27/04/2023 09:27

I'd rather stereotype and prevent my kids potentially being molested.

Original poster
angiec89 · 27/04/2023 10:29

Irequireausername · 27/04/2023 09:27

I'd rather stereotype and prevent my kids potentially being molested.

She knows my son since he was a baby! I couldn't understand why she'd think like that!
She has one boy and one girl, and I have a young daughter who my son helps looks after.
He's only 16, I think this is madness!

OP posts:
onefinemess · 27/04/2023 10:30

Wow!

No wonder teenage boys are suffering with mental health issues.

Imagine being branded a child abuser and rapist just for existing!

Do you all view your fathers, brothers and husbands the same way?

Christ, that's just toxic.

What changes just because the boy isn't related to the children?

Can a teenage boy have any contact with his own siblings or is that now too dangerous?

What if you had two teenage boys, should they be kept apart incase they abuse each other?

Perhaps you'd all be happy to send your teenage sons to some sort of internment camp, to keep the rest of the children safe from their perverted desires.

Are you all really treating your sons like that?

What do you say to them?

At what point do you label them sexual predators?

Possibly the most disturbing thing I have read on here.

Or is it just other people's sons who are rapists, but not yours?

Hellsmovie · 27/04/2023 10:32

onefinemess · 27/04/2023 10:30

Wow!

No wonder teenage boys are suffering with mental health issues.

Imagine being branded a child abuser and rapist just for existing!

Do you all view your fathers, brothers and husbands the same way?

Christ, that's just toxic.

What changes just because the boy isn't related to the children?

Can a teenage boy have any contact with his own siblings or is that now too dangerous?

What if you had two teenage boys, should they be kept apart incase they abuse each other?

Perhaps you'd all be happy to send your teenage sons to some sort of internment camp, to keep the rest of the children safe from their perverted desires.

Are you all really treating your sons like that?

What do you say to them?

At what point do you label them sexual predators?

Possibly the most disturbing thing I have read on here.

Or is it just other people's sons who are rapists, but not yours?

Best post so far

Dotjones · 27/04/2023 10:32

He's only 16, I think this is madness!

Unfortunately there are plenty of cases of boys under 16 who have committed sex offences. A guy I was at school with was convicted of raping someone when he was 12. Yes it's true women and girls can be sex offenders too, but society sees them as less of a risk.

pizzaHeart · 27/04/2023 10:34

I suspect it’s more stereotyping that girls are better with children and generally more reliable with household duties than boys.
A lot of people still think this way.

Original poster
angiec89 · 27/04/2023 10:37

onefinemess · 27/04/2023 10:30

Wow!

No wonder teenage boys are suffering with mental health issues.

Imagine being branded a child abuser and rapist just for existing!

Do you all view your fathers, brothers and husbands the same way?

Christ, that's just toxic.

What changes just because the boy isn't related to the children?

Can a teenage boy have any contact with his own siblings or is that now too dangerous?

What if you had two teenage boys, should they be kept apart incase they abuse each other?

Perhaps you'd all be happy to send your teenage sons to some sort of internment camp, to keep the rest of the children safe from their perverted desires.

Are you all really treating your sons like that?

What do you say to them?

At what point do you label them sexual predators?

Possibly the most disturbing thing I have read on here.

Or is it just other people's sons who are rapists, but not yours?

Thank you 🙏. Brilliant point

OP posts:
NoFall · 27/04/2023 10:38

angiec89 · 27/04/2023 10:29

She knows my son since he was a baby! I couldn't understand why she'd think like that!
She has one boy and one girl, and I have a young daughter who my son helps looks after.
He's only 16, I think this is madness!

Show quote history

You’re free to think it’s madness. She’s free to do what she thinks is best for her children.

You may know your son wouldn’t harm her children, she doesn’t. She hasn’t lived with him or brought him up. She doesn’t know who he really is as a person.

I have a son and wouldn’t take offence. Neither would he.

PinkPlantCase · 27/04/2023 10:38

Dotjones · 27/04/2023 10:32

He's only 16, I think this is madness!

Unfortunately there are plenty of cases of boys under 16 who have committed sex offences. A guy I was at school with was convicted of raping someone when he was 12. Yes it's true women and girls can be sex offenders too, but society sees them as less of a risk.

Totally not the point of the thread but there must have been so much more going for a 12 year old to be a rapist. He was likely subject to abuse himself and from a very dysfunctional background. It’s a really sad outcome but not at all typical for 12 year olds even ones who become unpleasant people as they grow up.

ClaraThePigeon · 27/04/2023 10:38

She knows my son since he was a baby! I couldn't understand why she'd think like that!

I picked up a newspaper one day to find an old childhood friend on the front page because he was a paedophile. He'd been a lovely, quiet boy whom I'd known since he was a baby. He was the son of a good friend of my Mothers and we'd spent a lot of time together as children. I doubt that your son has any such inclinations but having known someone since they were a baby doesn't mean much.

And yes women can abuse children too but the vast majority of sexual assault and rape are committed by men and boys.

Hellsmovie · 27/04/2023 10:39

@angiec89 I hope your taking this all in, a vast majority of MN sees your boy as a potential abuser,rapist and violent person just because hes male .

stepMummY1 · 27/04/2023 10:39

MuffinToSeeHere · 27/04/2023 08:58

It's interesting a few posters have automatically assumed the children are female, the op didn't actually say did she?

Show quote history

It's irrelevant.

Moomoola · 27/04/2023 10:39

onefinemess · 27/04/2023 10:30

Wow!

No wonder teenage boys are suffering with mental health issues.

Imagine being branded a child abuser and rapist just for existing!

Do you all view your fathers, brothers and husbands the same way?

Christ, that's just toxic.

What changes just because the boy isn't related to the children?

Can a teenage boy have any contact with his own siblings or is that now too dangerous?

What if you had two teenage boys, should they be kept apart incase they abuse each other?

Perhaps you'd all be happy to send your teenage sons to some sort of internment camp, to keep the rest of the children safe from their perverted desires.

Are you all really treating your sons like that?

What do you say to them?

At what point do you label them sexual predators?

Possibly the most disturbing thing I have read on here.

Or is it just other people's sons who are rapists, but not yours?

Wow, utterly shocked that people assume rapist etc! He knows the children, has experience, is 16. He sounds absolutely fine to me. It could be any reason at all, may even be that the other girl wants less money/ is friends with the mum, who knows? The above pp puts it better than I can. Do we really live in such a hateful society?