To think this is gender stereotyping?

[angiec89]

Was talking with a friend a few days ago and she mentioned she was looking for a babysitter for her two kids this Saturday. I suggested DS as he's 16 and local (he could walk there and back), and she knows him well. He's done babysitting before for other friends and neighbours.
My friend looked surprised and essentially said thanks but no thanks.
I thought that seemed reasonable enough as her kids are quite young so maybe she wanted someone older. But no, instead she asked her neighbour's 14 year old daughter instead!
AIBU to think this is because my son's a male?

Well of course you have to be vigilant of your own relatives. The majority of CSA takes place within the family. There is a weighing up of risk vs benefit which needs to be taken into account. I wanted to have a partnership and children, I believed my partner was a good person, so I took the plunge and had children even though it is a statistical fact that domestic abuse often begins during pregnancy. That was my risk to take.

With my kids, I am extra vigilant because they are vulnerable and utterly dependent on me to make good choices for them. It's necessary for their family life to have close relationships with their father, grandfather, other male relatives and family friends. But I still remain vigilant because that is my job, and I would not ignore signs or red flags if I saw them just because they are family/friends.

In this instance, there is no need for the mum to take any risk whatsoever (beyond the inherent risk of leaving your kids on someone else's care). She has a safer option for her kids. Why shouldn't she take that safer option?

Yes? Where have you been living 😂

It's not misogynistic to point out nearly all false allegations come from woman.

Surly you see the double standard there

That’s your right. I wouldn’t take offence. Neither would my daughter. Do what you feel is best to protect yourself. Good people aren’t offended by this.

It doesn’t take away from the fact that most sex offences are committed by men and that males are more likely to be a danger to women and children. And men of course.

You've missed out the first part of her post . It makes sense when its put together

How does anyone trust their children’s fathers around their children, if they’re all potential sex abusers, let alone bathing and changing their baby son/daughter?

Ah yes, a very comparable number with 8% of allegations that are false compared to the 99% of sexual offences that are committed by men 😂

Then you are part of the problem.

Absolute madness.

People need to stop assuming that all men and predators.

You'll be unlikely to find a great hue and cry from women over you deciding to limit your dating pool. Honestly.

Absolutely spot on. I despair reading this thread. There are also other types of abuse and statiscally females abuse children more than males (probably because they are morr likely to be the primary caregivers but my point still stands that they're not any safer).

You've twisted it. I would say woman make up 98%-100% of that 8% that make false allegations. It's not all woman ,its not even alot of woman.but it is nearly always woman that make those false allegations

😂😂 yes it's hard to be distraught

Luckily I'm extremely happy with my wife . And shes extremely happy with me

Yes it is. My DH is SAHD and has offered to look after kids (friends of my kids) or bring them to clubs etc a few time and the parents (not super friendly but would talk to them most days at school) always say No but in many cases I know they asked another mum. I think people are distrustful of males (not in their family) with kids.

Acceptable level of risk based on risk assessment. But you'd have to be bloody stupid to refuse to entertain the possibility that your partner/brother/dad could be a risk to your kids. You have to be prepared to entertain it, to safeguard your kids. Not 'watching them like a hawk' anxious; but open to receiving evidence of the unthinkable.

Speaking as someone who witnessed the exposure of paternal sexual abuse in my wider family. I knew him well and suspected NOTHING. I do not ever intend to be so clueless and trusting ever again, especially not in relation to my own precious girls.

Why is everyone marrying and having babies with potential sex abusers then?
Then allowing the fathers to be alone with their children?
Or do you watch every interaction and nappy change and do all the childcare?
Or does it only apply to everyone else’s sons and husbands?

But then « the vast majority of sexual assaults are done by males » . These males are also someone’s son / possibly husband and father.

Are we supposed to ignore the statistics just to make sure boys/mens don’t feel treated like predators?
In the balance I’ll always choose the less risky option for my DC (female sitter in this case).

Nope. I’m someone who minimises the chances of my children being abused. That’s really only a problem to abusers who want access to my children I suppose.

Gender stereotyping is saying nonsense like girls hair is long, boys hair is short.

Choosing a female babysitter over a male babysitter is a risk based decision informed by crime stats.

It's not merely gender stereotyping though is it. It's based on facts. I'm sorry to say but over 90% of sexual assaults are from males towards females so dismissing it as 'gender stereotyping' is seriously underestimating the risks that exist in our society. I have three boys and a girl and sadly have never offered my boys to babysit my friends daughters because I wouldn't leave a friends boy in charge of my daughter. Sad but true.

So I was supposed to grow up thinking my father could possibly abuse me and my sister sexually and I was stupid if I didn’t think that? 🤔

Apparently being molested is a risk you force your children to take because there's nothing worse than stereotyping.

No, you should have grown up blissfully ignorant of such thoughts. You were a child, you bore no responsibility for safeguarding yourself. Your mother, however, should have been willing to see evidence you were being abused, if you were, and to act on any suspicion, no matter how terrible.

Do you have any idea how many abused children, when they find the courage to speak up, are told they are making it up and dismissed because people won't believe it of their son/husband/brother/father?