To think this is gender stereotyping?

[angiec89]

Was talking with a friend a few days ago and she mentioned she was looking for a babysitter for her two kids this Saturday. I suggested DS as he's 16 and local (he could walk there and back), and she knows him well. He's done babysitting before for other friends and neighbours.
My friend looked surprised and essentially said thanks but no thanks.
I thought that seemed reasonable enough as her kids are quite young so maybe she wanted someone older. But no, instead she asked her neighbour's 14 year old daughter instead!
AIBU to think this is because my son's a male?

It could be because the girl is closer etc or it could be safeguarding.

I was abused by a male babysitter my dad trusted. His best friend! I used to think I was shit person for being wary of men as I grew up, because some men seemed to get very offended if you behaved anything less than fully comfortable in their presence and sadly with parents who taught me that hurting a man's feelings is super rude it made me have shit boundaries because I'd quash any gut feeling a male may me being a creep. My nephew also been sexually assaulted by a teenage boy who the family had known since being a baby. So they're way more guarded now too.

If someone is supposed to be a close friend gets angry with me for my boundaries and ends the friendship as a pp suggested then that's fine. I don't want friends who thinks I have to allow the males in their family to be with my children. I don't push my male family members on them either and in fact, I go regularly to an activity with my best friend and her teen dd, it's an activity dh loves too and sometimes when the teen isn't there dh is invited. She's very uncomfortable around men and she doesn't want dh coming all the time with us and that's totally fine. He isn't offended in the slightest and neither am I.

Dh fully understands that someone stating "over 90 per cent of sexual offences are committed by males" is not saying "over 90 per cent of males are rapist" and calling him a rapist, he himself says from his own life experience he's noticed the type of man who gets angry/offended at a woman's boundaries and expects her to change her boundaries around who she is alone with or what she does with her body are showing they don't care about her consent and are ones to avoid.

I haven't checked stats in a long time but it used to be that as well as most sexual offences being carried out by men, abused children were abused by someone close to the child, such a family member or close family friend so yes, some of those do include not leaving children alone with male family for some people, if they've experienced being abused by a male family member.

As a mother to 4 young boys I am also shocked and saddened to see the majority of people's reactions to the idea of a teenage male babysitter.

Well I'm shocked and saddened that not hurting men and boys' feelings seems to be more important than protecting children and acknowledging reality seemingly more offensive than women and children regularly being sexually assaulted, raped and murdered by men.

If I'd overlooked him in favour of hiring solely teen girl babysitters, what message would that be sending to my own son?

it’s not about your sons feelings it’s about what is safest for children.

kids don’t exist to affirm boys and men.

has he done babysitting first aid certificates and all that? that might help.

I would have hired him, for my DDs if i knew him and trusted him. If it was going to be a regular gig i'd invite him over a few times to get to know him.

Your silly little rant made no difference.
Or sense.
You really thought that was somekind of gotcha.
No belief ’has fallen down’.

You are both right. Its her choice, I wouldn't be offended, its just a sad state our society is in

the problem is, as we know, yes #NotAllMen but also #WeDon'tKnowWhichOnes

so it is up to everyone to make up their own minds. The NAMALT argument gets used a lot, it is true but as long as people don't know for sure? what are they supposed to do.

Say something did happen. Who will get more of the blame? the boy or the parents for getting him to babysit?

I have sons. I still choose female babysitters because I can do maths, and the stats say that men (and boys) are so overwhelmingly more likely to commit sexual offences, and that sexual offences are overwhelmingly committed by people that know the victim.

My sons can also do maths, and so understand that whilst they would never do this sort of thing, they do share a major attribute with those that do, so they have nothing to take offence at by someone refusing their help. How is that person to tell if they would or they wouldn't?

I'm not likely to have a car accident either, but I still wear my seatbelt.

This, this, absolutely this.

Stop making it all about your sons who can do no wrong. (#some (rather a lot) of them do)

'She hasn't used you Timmy, because as a society men commit 99% of sexual crimes so it's a risk for her that we shouldn't expect her to make. What do you think we can do as a society to reduce the number of crimes males commit?'

Lets raise our sons so that overwhelming statistic comes down, then we can chat about it being unfair that boys can't get babysitting jobs as easily as girls can. Until then, it's just making reasonable decisions given the odds.

Two people were offering a service, one was chosen. The OP has decided that there was more to it than that. Do we now have to conduct formal interviews and keep documentation for 20 years explaining how we arrived at our decision in case of a challenge to that decision of how we picked the babysitter?

I worked in care for a few years. This obviously involved personal care including helping people to shower. Occasionally, not very often, I had a male client tell me that he didn't want a young woman showering him. Not once did it occur to me to take it personally or to be offended by his polite request because I thought that his comfort, dignity and wishes took priority over any hurt feelings I may have had.(Not that I had any of those)

Now I realise that I should have been hurt, devastated and offended by him casting aspersions upon my good character.

Whose daughters would you like to use to give men this opportunity?

nope. It makes me think of the Ferengi.

Wow this thread is so telling of who has attending safeguarding training and who hasn’t! 100% agree with the posters saying everyone poses a potential risk to children of sexual abuse or otherwise, and that as parents we must/should (although sadly doesn’t always happen as PP have noted) take the statistically lowest risk option when it comes to childcare.

The other parent is totally within their rights to make a decision based on the info they have, and you OP have no idea of their reasoning, nor do you have the right to ask.

This!

I don’t disagree with you but I think anyone with teenage sons has obviously age-appropriate conversations about misogyny etc. and the sad fact that society can be often distrustful of men because of the actions of some. Teens are very familiar with the likes of Andrew Tate, for instance. My sister has a teenage son and it’s unfortunate that the conversations she has with him about being a good man are often rooted in another news story about a woman being killed. It’s for this reason that I think my nephew would actually understand where the OP’s friend was coming from, as unfair as it may be.

I don’t agree with this view either. I know a few mature woman with whom I wouldn’t leave my child for 5 minutes and some 20 y.o young males who are absolutely fine to babysit.

I would hate it if somebody refused my lovely DS for this reason.....but I probably wouldn't put him forward for it, for tje same reason I myself wouldn't like a young boy babysitting.

I'm sorry, it's awful, but it's how it is. I'm sure your DS is lovely

Whatever her reasoning she's entitled to say no to someone looking after her children who she doesn't want babysitting them. She doesn't need to allow your 16 year old son to look after them just because you would be trusting of him. It's well known boys mature more slowly than girls so that may have been her reasoning. Maybe her children are more comfortable with a female - my son is. There's no way I would have a 16 year old boy looking after my children, though I also wouldn't have a 14 year old girl either!

Is it just me that gets serious incel vibes from any man who describes women as "females"

I totally get what you mean and for me, it depends on what else comes out of their mouth. A lot of people seem to use female or male when referring to sex because "woman" for many people includes males who identify as women and I know a lot of women who use males instead of men for the same reason. The cis prefix is often offensive to many so using "male" includes biological men across all gender identifies and female for the same.

I don't know what the answer is here, I don't believe sex can be changed but I've seen men pounced in for using women to only mean females because it's transphobic so I don't think any man using that term is always giving incel vibes.

I misread the tone of your comment, I thought you were saying it in the same incredulous manner as some of the others, but I’ve seen your earlier comments now

The risks posed by women as sex offenders are consistently underestimated, especially by women. Around 2.5% of convictions are women, but studies put actual figures around 12% and some up to 25%, as we know they’re vastly underreported.

What’s important is to consider the risk anyone poses to your child, not divide it based on sex. Assuming women in general are ‘safe’ leads to complacency and perpetuates the underreporting.

What studies?! Do you have links?

Hard "no" on any male being left unattended with my children.