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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is gender stereotyping?

225 replies

angiec89 · 27/04/2023 08:28

Was talking with a friend a few days ago and she mentioned she was looking for a babysitter for her two kids this Saturday. I suggested DS as he's 16 and local (he could walk there and back), and she knows him well. He's done babysitting before for other friends and neighbours.
My friend looked surprised and essentially said thanks but no thanks.
I thought that seemed reasonable enough as her kids are quite young so maybe she wanted someone older. But no, instead she asked her neighbour's 14 year old daughter instead!
AIBU to think this is because my son's a male?

OP posts:
Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 11:07

massistar · 27/04/2023 11:02

This makes me really sad. I have a DD and a DS and had a teenage boy babysitter they adored. DS in turn at 17 has babysat for the younger kids of our friends. Luckily our friends have known him since he was a toddler and don't view him as a potential child molester. Confused

But in the crudest way all males are potential child molesters aren’t they?

Your son is no different just because he’s your son, and your friends know him.

Most abuse is perpetrated by somebody the child knows and the family trusts, hence how they get the access.

Its not personal, it’s safeguarding

Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 11:10

SomePosters · 27/04/2023 11:07

Someone’s boy was molesting my pre school self when he was 11

I’m sure his mother thought he was beyond question too

Exactly. Yet on other threads everyone is saying to keep men out of women’s changing rooms. Yet leaving them unaccompanied with small children in a house for hours is fine. Can anyone square that one for me?

NotAnotherBathBomb · 27/04/2023 11:11

...I don't understand all the 'but they know him!' Comments. Please read up more on CSA if you have children, knowing someone has never been a barrier to committing CSA.

And sorry to OP for feeling offended, but unless her friend is calling her son a rapist it is simply a preference which she has every right to exercise.

SomePosters · 27/04/2023 11:11

onefinemess · 27/04/2023 10:30

Wow!

No wonder teenage boys are suffering with mental health issues.

Imagine being branded a child abuser and rapist just for existing!

Do you all view your fathers, brothers and husbands the same way?

Christ, that's just toxic.

What changes just because the boy isn't related to the children?

Can a teenage boy have any contact with his own siblings or is that now too dangerous?

What if you had two teenage boys, should they be kept apart incase they abuse each other?

Perhaps you'd all be happy to send your teenage sons to some sort of internment camp, to keep the rest of the children safe from their perverted desires.

Are you all really treating your sons like that?

What do you say to them?

At what point do you label them sexual predators?

Possibly the most disturbing thing I have read on here.

Or is it just other people's sons who are rapists, but not yours?

Was replying to this

Its all very well believing your sons couldn’t possibly be the problem… but someone sons create these statistics

NoFall · 27/04/2023 11:13

So much child abuse happens because a mother thought they could trust a male relative or friend around their children. It’s not easy to hear, but it’s true.

Taking the statistically safer option for her children in this situation is just what parents should do.

DancedByTheLightOfTheMoon · 27/04/2023 11:13

Oh the irony.
Yet so many mum's can't wait to bring a new man into the home and blend families within five minutes of meeting him.

NoFall · 27/04/2023 11:14

DancedByTheLightOfTheMoon · 27/04/2023 11:13

Oh the irony.
Yet so many mum's can't wait to bring a new man into the home and blend families within five minutes of meeting him.

They’re irresponsible.

Hellsmovie · 27/04/2023 11:14

Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 11:07

But in the crudest way all males are potential child molesters aren’t they?

Your son is no different just because he’s your son, and your friends know him.

Most abuse is perpetrated by somebody the child knows and the family trusts, hence how they get the access.

Its not personal, it’s safeguarding

Show quote history

Anybody is a potential child molester. Society just refuses to acknowledge that "anybody" includes woman

Tekkentime · 27/04/2023 11:15

NoFall · 27/04/2023 11:13

So much child abuse happens because a mother thought they could trust a male relative or friend around their children. It’s not easy to hear, but it’s true.

Taking the statistically safer option for her children in this situation is just what parents should do.

I agree. Try telling your molested child that you just didn't want to stereotype, i'm sure that'd really help.

MUMTO2DS1DD · 27/04/2023 11:16

onefinemess · 27/04/2023 10:30

Wow!

No wonder teenage boys are suffering with mental health issues.

Imagine being branded a child abuser and rapist just for existing!

Do you all view your fathers, brothers and husbands the same way?

Christ, that's just toxic.

What changes just because the boy isn't related to the children?

Can a teenage boy have any contact with his own siblings or is that now too dangerous?

What if you had two teenage boys, should they be kept apart incase they abuse each other?

Perhaps you'd all be happy to send your teenage sons to some sort of internment camp, to keep the rest of the children safe from their perverted desires.

Are you all really treating your sons like that?

What do you say to them?

At what point do you label them sexual predators?

Possibly the most disturbing thing I have read on here.

Or is it just other people's sons who are rapists, but not yours?

I’m not sure whether this is just the perceived view on MN or real life.
Does this mean every father, brother, uncle, male doctor, dentist, teacher is viewed as a potential sex offender?

OhMerde · 27/04/2023 11:16

angiec89 · 27/04/2023 10:29

She knows my son since he was a baby! I couldn't understand why she'd think like that!
She has one boy and one girl, and I have a young daughter who my son helps looks after.
He's only 16, I think this is madness!

Show quote history

It's not madness...It's data and statistics. Sounds like you're in the not all men/not my son camp though.

RosaBonheur · 27/04/2023 11:16

Hellsmovie · 27/04/2023 11:14

Anybody is a potential child molester. Society just refuses to acknowledge that "anybody" includes woman

Show quote history

Yeah but statistically we know that nearly all sexual offences are committed by male perpetrators.

JudgeJ · 27/04/2023 11:17

Moonlightsonatas · 27/04/2023 08:30

Yes it’s unfair but I wouldn’t want a 16 year old boy looking after my daughters, sorry!

But you would have a 16 year old girl look after your sons, which is just as unfair and stereotyping.

ChopperC110P · 27/04/2023 11:17

Interesting how a child the OPs friend knows and has seen grow up to be a 16yr old has morphed into a “strange man.” He’s not a stranger and he’s not a man.

OhMerde · 27/04/2023 11:19

Hellsmovie · 27/04/2023 10:39

@angiec89 I hope your taking this all in, a vast majority of MN sees your boy as a potential abuser,rapist and violent person just because hes male .

Youre obviously a man. It's not personal flower. Don't get all offended. Women are at risk from men and we don't know the good ones from the bad ones, so men as a w

OhMerde · 27/04/2023 11:20

Whoops.....so men as a whole have to be viewed with caution.

ClaraThePigeon · 27/04/2023 11:21

Anybody is a potential child molester. Society just refuses to acknowledge that "anybody" includes woman

Considering that I am female and have committed exactly zero crimes, have childcare experience, excellent character references and still need background checks when working/volunteering with children and vulnerable adults I'm not sure that it does but one sex commits the vast majority of sexual abuse and it isn't the female sex.

NoFall · 27/04/2023 11:21

JudgeJ · 27/04/2023 11:17

But you would have a 16 year old girl look after your sons, which is just as unfair and stereotyping.

Show quote history

What? I think you’re missing the point.

Hellsmovie · 27/04/2023 11:22

OhMerde · 27/04/2023 11:20

Whoops.....so men as a whole have to be viewed with caution.

I agree .the same way I would view any potential new female I dated as having potential to make false allegations

Coffeeandbourbons · 27/04/2023 11:22

JudgeJ · 27/04/2023 11:17

But you would have a 16 year old girl look after your sons, which is just as unfair and stereotyping.

Show quote history

But much less risky.

VeronicaTimeTurner · 27/04/2023 11:22

I wouldn’t want a teenage boy or any man for that matter looking after my little children either. Of course the majority of them are good but I would not be taking the risk.

(I have 3 teenage boys).

OhMerde · 27/04/2023 11:23

JudgeJ · 27/04/2023 11:17

But you would have a 16 year old girl look after your sons, which is just as unfair and stereotyping.

Show quote history

Not if you understand risk and statistics it's not.

NoFall · 27/04/2023 11:23

The good men aren’t offended by this. They understand.

OhMerde · 27/04/2023 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AtomicBlondeRose · 27/04/2023 11:25

In child safeguarding there’s a concept called “it can happen here” - in other words, those horrible stories, those terrible people, those awful situations are NOT just things that happen to other people in other places, they can happen in your home and workplace to your children in your care. Bring blind to that is what leads to predators exploiting those blindnesses. All adults around children are potentially a risk. ALL of them. Statistically it’s far more likely that a man is a risk than a woman. That’s why as a teacher we shouldn’t be alone in a room with a child with the door closed - am I offended that people think I could harm a child? No! Because it’s all part of keeping children safe and if I believe in that I also have to believe it applies to me, and it applies to people I know, even if I know them well, even if they’re nice, even if I’ve known them for years.

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