To think this is gender stereotyping?

[angiec89]

Was talking with a friend a few days ago and she mentioned she was looking for a babysitter for her two kids this Saturday. I suggested DS as he's 16 and local (he could walk there and back), and she knows him well. He's done babysitting before for other friends and neighbours.
My friend looked surprised and essentially said thanks but no thanks.
I thought that seemed reasonable enough as her kids are quite young so maybe she wanted someone older. But no, instead she asked her neighbour's 14 year old daughter instead!
AIBU to think this is because my son's a male?

Sorry but I wouldn't want a teen boy looking after my girls either.

But what do you suggest, given that male violence against women and girls is such a huge and common problem? Almost every one of my friends has a story about some degree of sexual violence or threatening behaviour from a man in their past; in fact, most of them have several stories like that, including rape and child abuse.

Perhaps instead of criticising people for being wary of letting unrelated men look after their children unsupervised, we should be tackling the fact that so many young men are violent towards women and that's why women are understandably a bit wary of letting a man they don't know that well look after their children. It's not nice for the many innocent men around, but I'm not willing to lower my safety boundaries for my children so as not to hurt someone's feelings I'm afraid.

As for mental health issues, ditto for all the women and girls who have been sexually abused or victims of violence at the hands of men (sadly a very large number).

We have a huge problem with violent young men who then turn into violent older men. Until that is tackled, everyone else suffers. No it's not fair for OP's son, but it's not fair women and girls are being raped and assaulted every day by men. It's not fair for anyone.

As she hasn't given a reason I think YABU.

Maybe the girl has done it before and knows the kids and their routine.
Maybe she doesn't like your son.
Maybe she's seen him with her DCs and just didn't like how he interacted with them.

And yes I have a son and a daughter - both adults now.
Personally I wouldn't have left them with another child to take care of them regardless of sex.

Do we really live in such a hateful society?

It's not hateful to recognise risk and to promote safeguarding. Let's do away with all safeguarding checks for people working with children and vulnerable adults then because it's apparently wrong to acknowledge that some people can and do harm others.

Oh for goodness sake. My teen boy is kind, funny, patient. My teen girl is selfish, self obsessed, can’t get off her phone and is hugely into the trans thing. I would 100% chooses my son over my daughter to babysit.
maybe look at the individual? Sorry OP am astonished at this thread.

I mean yes, it is stereotyping at one level.

Ultimately she’s allowed to decide for herself who minds her own kids though. 🤷‍♂️

Another more benign reason why she prefers the neighbours daughter might be that her babysitter can quickly get adult help if necessary since her own parents are right next door.

A 16 year old boy that I knew and trusted, I might agree.

A 16 year old male, no. Sorry. Gender stereotypes may be in effect here but it’s a stereotype for a reason

Most of our babysitters were boys - lovely lads, their parents were friends of ours and they lived very locally. I liked my children seeing that looking after kids wasn't a "women and girls" thing.

A 16 year old you've known his whole life isn't the same as some random lad offering babysitting work. Your friend is being weird.

How overdramatic!

Read some statistic.
And boys are younger and younger these day when it comes to starting molesting.

And no one is saying it’s all of them.
But you just never know which one’s are, until it’s too late.

If you want to change this, raise son’s better, call men and bous out on their behaviour and do not be blind or man pandering fool like this commenter.

I actually think this is the most likely explanation, even though I don't necessarily agree with that view.

FWIW I wouldn't have left my DC with a teenage babysitter of either sex. Even though as a child I was often looked after by my own, very responsible, teenage sisters and I had numerous babysitting jobs myself as a teenager. Still preferred leaving DD with adult women of mature years

YANBU.

My brother and I had a male babysitter a few times. He taught us how to play computer games. We loved him.

YABU.

Males are much more likely to be sex offenders.

The same reason we have safeguarding and don’t let them into changing rooms etc.

If it was a 16 year old boy she'd never met then it would definitely be gender sterotyping but as she does know your son there could be lots of reasons she'd prefer him to not babysit. She might not approve of his hobbies, she might think he's a bit inattentive and the 14 year old will pay more attention to her children. Her children might like him too much and refuse to go to bed because they want to hang out with him instead. She might worry he'd be texting his friends all night and the baby-sitter she chose isn't nearly as popular.

Gender stereotyping is a big issue for boys babysitting but it might not be the primary motivator in this case.

I do agree with your friend though. I’m sure your son is a cracking lad but ultimately it’s the parents choice who they feel comfortable with looking after their children.

It's not a question of labelling any individual, it's a question of statistical risk and choosing the least risky option for your kids.

It's a bit like the age difference the OP is trying to bring in. Are all 14 year olds irresponsible? Are all 16 year olds responsible? No. But on average, you'd expect a 16 year old to have more about them than a 14 year old, all other things being equal.

So with sex. Do all boys abuse children? OBVIOUSLY not. Are all girls totally innocent of sexual abuse of children? Sadly not. But on average, the risk of a boy abusing your children is far, far, FAR higher. So all else being equal, why on earth wouldn't you choose a girl?

This is awful. I would reconsider the friendship tbh, I would be so offended.

The same way boys/men should weary of girls/woman because of false allegations of rape and sexual assault , we know it's not all girls/woman that make false allegations, but it is 99%-100% girls/woman that make false allegations

Every single word of this 👏

This makes me really sad. I have a DD and a DS and had a teenage boy babysitter they adored. DS in turn at 17 has babysat for the younger kids of our friends. Luckily our friends have known him since he was a toddler and don't view him as a potential child molester.

Oh my god.

Small kids aren’t there to validate teen boys and their issues.

Its called safeguarding. It doesn’t mean every male is a rapist or paedophile, it means they’re much more likely to be than women, hence we don’t share changing rooms or prisons with them.

Being left alone with unlimited access to small children is no different in my opinion.

It's not a question of labelling any individual, it's a question of statistical risk and choosing the least risky option for your kids.

Unfortunately this is the case. It's not that the OPs DS is being 'branded a rapist', that's ridiculous hyperbole. It's down to a genuine statistical difference between the behaviour of the sexes, not mere 'gender'.

@YouAreNotBatman

With that attitude, YOU are part of the problem.

As I said, labelling someone a predator and rapist just because they exist is utterly toxic.

If you say "you never know which ones are" then you must be including your own family members and friends.

To say otherwise would go against your own logic.

So, do you allow any males you know to have any contact with you?

I mean, "you never know which ones are" right?

See how quickly that belief falls down?

Someone’s boy was molesting my pre school self when he was 11

I’m sure his mother thought he was beyond question too