I'm reporting us for social services later. But will they actually help?

[SocialserviceswillTheyhelp]

I have 4 children, we live in a safe and secure home both me and the children's father are here, we work full time and the children have had a safe, loving and well attached upbringing.

On child has a diagnoses of ADHD. One of the symptoms is awful violent meltdowns. He hurts himself and others.
This has been going on since he was 3 years old, he is now 12.
He is an amazing, loving, empathetic, funny child who I utter adore.
But when life does not go his way, he destroys our home, he throws things, he punches, we have massive holes in our walls, our doors, he has smashed glass more times than I can count.
He has never heard our youngest directly but he has been collateral damage by flying objects.
He has repeatedly punched me and left bruises for weeks.
He has run away, he was wondering the streets until 10pm last night saying he wasn't coming home. He switched off his "find my iPhone" so I couldn't see where he was.

What I have tried:

Getting a key worker. They said we were accepted for help in feb 2021 and haven't heard back since.

Speaking to the school over and over. They are next to useless and apparently have an amazing Family Support worker who I am
yet to hear from.

Ive read books - Life without Brakes, 10 ways the a less defiant child, and more.

I've even tried a flipping healer out of pure desperation.

We have regular family outings and regular one to one with him, we will play board games, play cards or the other night we simply went for a nice drive together and had a long chat about anything and everything.

I've tried calling them police during a violent meltdown. They say "do you want your child to have a criminal record?" I say no, they say there's nothing they can do then.

Hes in the CAMHS waiting list for ADHD, that's been 3.5 years.

He got diagnosed privately 2 years ago but the practice closed down so we can try meds, which we were waiting for secondary school to try.

We tried going to the Gp to rush along the CAMHS thing as suggested on here and they said that was impossible.

So that leaves me with reporting myself to SS. Will they help?

In my experience, no. Sorry ☹️. I hope your local authority is better than ours was.

There is only one way to find out. I know like all departments they are stretched to bursting but it's worth a try.

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. In my experience (ASD son) a decent GP is the gatekeeper for many services. Keep pushing them.
It sounds like your boy would benefit from meds to help him with anxiety/mood. For that he needs the involvement of a paediatric psychiatrist. Have you tried to get a referral to a paediatrician?

Can I ask what else has been done with your gp?

how does he sleep?

but yes report to children's services,
good luck

Yes but you will need to ring them in crisis and tell them you are unsafe and you can’t care for him anymore. It’s the nuclear option but LA’s are so pared down to the bones this seems to be the only course of action to get some help.

Caveat: it may differ from LA to LA.

I don’t think they would be able to do anything, at least not in the short term, unless you tell them you are driving there to release your kid to go under their care.

There is another option you have not tried as yet: jump the waiting list by having an ADHD private assessment, if confirmed, he will get medicines and a diagnose that may help to make thing easier for him and the family. You will need to pay for the medication until his turn to be tested by CAMHS arrive BUT I assure you, it will be cheaper than the financial an emotional cost his outbursts might be causing you.

put pressure on the school/keyworker

Depending on the LA you might be offered an Early help service rather than social care but in my LA you would definately get help. As a child with a disability he is entitled to an assessment of need under section 17 of the children act as a child in need of services, this could either be by social care if there is a safeguarding element or early help, also depending where the disability team sit in the LA. Hope this helps, good luck.

Your posts sounds similar to my son . He's been very aggressive and violent towards me and smashed up my house . He's no longer at school as we deregistered as school made the situation worse. No help no support and they seemed to put themselves out to make it worse. I reported him to the police when he was being violent thry took 6 hours to come. Then reported me to social services because my house was a mess (after) ds trashed it. Anyway social services were not interested.

Oh I forgot to say whilst he was registered at school I did have a bit of help from early help which I asked for He's the one who helped me deregister Ds. Him and son went for a few coffees and chat then case was closed.

During this time I was begging for help from CAMHS they kept rejecting us. Even discharged him beside seeing him. Saying they had tried to contact me when they had not..so I put in a complaint to PALS.

DS also gos out late at night 12am/3am when ever ge feels to he just gos. Nothing I can do about it .

Anyway Ds tried to take his own life it was only then that professionals listened. He's now bel f seem by CAMHS but it took that massive fight and for DS to do what he did.

With social services you don't know what you will get it cam be from one extreme to thr other some are worth their weight in gold. Others fuck your life up.

Does his diet include sugary foods, ready meals, man made items, chocolate, daily ? If so can you restrict/ exclude them. Would this help?

In my experience of friends who've self referred, they've not been usefully helped, no. Either they're assigned a social worker who then never contacts them again, or they're signed a worker who is micro managing yet unhelpful in any way that matters. I wouldn't ever do it tbh.

Sorry you're going through this.
Have you looked into ADHD360? they're private but I've heard good things and are fast getting you back on the NHS route (if you qualify) unlike others

Try the medication. It's worth exploring at this point. You have nothing left to lose. Why wait till High School?

Social care might be able to help but the only thing they will possibly be able to offer is respite and maybe some parenting support courses.

I would guess that what you need is respite and for your son to try some ahdh medication. You say he has a private diagnosis? Can you make a gp appointment and ask about trying ADHD meds? They will either be able to prescribe them or will refer you to someone who can. Take your diagnosis paperwork when you go.

When you phone social services you need to ask for the disability social workers. They are a different set of people from the normal social work team and deal specifically with kids with additional needs. You need to ask for an urgent care assessment and if you are at breaking point you need to tell them that you are in crisis and at risk of family breakdown.

I’ve got to post just to say I’m so sorry for those of you dealing with such difficulties with your children. You are so strong!

I hope you get help op. I doubt children’s services can help but you never know. Medication might be the only way. I’ve no experience of this but just wanted to say you sound like a fabulous mother and I’m in awe of your strength. I hope you and your child get the help and support you need.

Why haven’t you tried the medication yet? Why wait?

What can someone else do?

What does help look like for you?

-respite care
-medication
-change of diet help
-counselling/anger management (long term)
-All of the above?

I am asking because when I was a teacher, working with a violent child - I came up with a big blank regarding help. No one knew what to do or how to actually help.

@Campsie I'm sure you mean well, but this advice is like telling someone to apply arnica cream to a severed foot.

OP, I have a son of a similar age with ADHD. Honestly, medication has had a transformative effect. It doesn't help with temper and impulse control- those have to be learned the hard way - but my goodness, it's so easier to work on them when your head is relatively clear and quiet.

If I was in your position, then given the utter failure of CAMHS to support your son, I'd be moving heaven and earth and doing whatever it took to get another private diagnosis and support. Don't delay: do it do it do it. It sounds like both of you are at breaking point.

In my experience no but hopefully you get a better response.

Just to give you a bit of light at the end of the tunnel my DS was exactly as you describe. He was diagnosed with ADHD as a small child then later on with ASD.

I was terrified of how bad things would get as a teen but the process of puberty seemed to realign him somehow. From about 14 things started getting a bit better and his aggressive, impulsive behaviour lessened.

He's 19 now and whilst he still has the sort of social struggles that many neurodivergent people do but he's not had violent outbursts or run away for 4/5 years now and has actually turned in to a gentle and pleasant young man. Which I'll be honest I never could have imagined at one point.

I don't know how things will work out with your DS but sometimes it helps to know that things can get better and it probably won't always be like this.

Are you in touch with other local ADHD parents? Are you saying you can’t access ADHD meds because you had a private diagnosis and that clinic is now shut so you can’t access a private prescriber? Can you ask your GP (or local parents) for signposting to a private clinic who could take you down the route to prescribing?

In a completely different tack you might find this interesting https://thedoctorskitchen.com/podcasts/84-the-brain-series-part-2-of-3-eating-for-adhd-with-dr-rachel-gow

He got diagnosed privately 2 years ago but the practice closed down so we can try meds, which we were waiting for secondary school to try.
Have you tried contacting other private clinics to see if they would work with him, provide medication on the basis his diagnosis? Guessing that's can't try medication or my question makes no sense. Would a private paediatrician or private child psychiatrist work with you on the basis of his existing diagnosis?

You might find Ross Greene's explosive child and lives in the balance site useful. Sorry I have no idea on SS on this matter, generally there seems to be no real help unless things actually fall apart completely, breakdown/self harm/kicked child out. Autism and anxiety here rather than ADHD. It's a tough road, I'm sorry you're all having to deal with this and no support, it's shit. I hope you can all get the support you need.

You can ask for a carer,s assessment for yourself but whether it will achieve much I can't say ,my son is severely autistic and has severe learning disabilities, we currently have a disability social worker ,we were assessed for overnight respite before Xmas and were granted two nights a month it hasnt,materialised ,yet we were also granted every other Saturday 10-3at a club for children with disabilities,(he already went to e same club for one day a week in the school holidays ) which he started last week ,it's a slow process and dependent on the lever of need ime,you may get sent on some courses

If you can afford it your best option might be a private psychiatrist appointment to discuss meds, then if they work get the GP to take over the prescription. CAMHS is shockingly under resourced, children get added to the waiting lists faster than they are seen as there are so few staff 😞

Have I misunderstood or has he never had any medication for his ADHD?