I'm reporting us for social services later. But will they actually help?

[SocialserviceswillTheyhelp]

I have 4 children, we live in a safe and secure home both me and the children's father are here, we work full time and the children have had a safe, loving and well attached upbringing.

On child has a diagnoses of ADHD. One of the symptoms is awful violent meltdowns. He hurts himself and others.
This has been going on since he was 3 years old, he is now 12.
He is an amazing, loving, empathetic, funny child who I utter adore.
But when life does not go his way, he destroys our home, he throws things, he punches, we have massive holes in our walls, our doors, he has smashed glass more times than I can count.
He has never heard our youngest directly but he has been collateral damage by flying objects.
He has repeatedly punched me and left bruises for weeks.
He has run away, he was wondering the streets until 10pm last night saying he wasn't coming home. He switched off his "find my iPhone" so I couldn't see where he was.

What I have tried:

Getting a key worker. They said we were accepted for help in feb 2021 and haven't heard back since.

Speaking to the school over and over. They are next to useless and apparently have an amazing Family Support worker who I am
yet to hear from.

Ive read books - Life without Brakes, 10 ways the a less defiant child, and more.

I've even tried a flipping healer out of pure desperation.

We have regular family outings and regular one to one with him, we will play board games, play cards or the other night we simply went for a nice drive together and had a long chat about anything and everything.

I've tried calling them police during a violent meltdown. They say "do you want your child to have a criminal record?" I say no, they say there's nothing they can do then.

Hes in the CAMHS waiting list for ADHD, that's been 3.5 years.

He got diagnosed privately 2 years ago but the practice closed down so we can try meds, which we were waiting for secondary school to try.

We tried going to the Gp to rush along the CAMHS thing as suggested on here and they said that was impossible.

So that leaves me with reporting myself to SS. Will they help?

Gosh fake rhe mediation if you have the prescription it helps so so much

My 13yr old DD has ADHD went totally wild school refusing on verge being removed - 100% turn around star school girl 6m after medication routine. She's on the day one and a 24h relaxing one. Got to stage where couldn't talk after 6pm due to ticks

Get mediation sorted

I am asking this gently but what do you want social care to do? They can not move him up waiting lists, so when you talk to them be clear what you think that a social worker can do to help the situation.

In my experience, other than medication- which I understand you can't magic out of thin air - the onus is on you and others around him to change your behaviour to managing his behaviour. Are you registered with your local Carers Centre? Also look at local parent and peer support groups (CAMHS should be able to point you to these). They should run 'challenging behaviour' type workshops, which may help you with some techniques to tweak your parenting to hopefully find some things that help.
If nothing else, these groups can be great places to meet other carers in similar circumstances that help make things feel a little less lonely and isolating.

Good luck it appears to be luck of the draw who can get help heard different stories from friends living in same area.

I honestly wasn't thinking or suggesting it would be simple or straightforward, I was just putting across that sometimes all you can do is be clear and hope for the best. I was in different circumstances and this was a while ago now so I realise things have probably changed for the worst too.

They might do but a lot of the help is indirect.

We found they were not great at providing direct help but were good at kicking other services into touch. So their involvement bumped us up the list at CAMHS and helped to ensure education provision was the most appropriate placement (at one stage this was help to secure a special school placement and at another an EOTAS arrangement). This in turn made a huge difference to the challenging behaviour (ASC rather than ADHD in our case). They also helped us secure respite for ds2 albeit only a few hours a week which was beneficial not only for him but also for the rest of the family as it gave us all a short break. Be prepared though for an in depth assessment and regular monitoring visits.

My child has ADHD and ASD and the impulsive behaviour from the ADHD was tough. With the medication the impulse control is much better and things are much calmer. As you have had the ADHD assessment done privately before, hopefully you have the means to go privately to a psychiatrist to prescribe the medication, then they can transfer the prescription to your GP practice so you can get the meds for free under the NHS. It's what we have done.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all of this. It's so difficult.

As @Crazydoglady1980 said, it's important to think about what it is you actually want and what you think professionals can do. You must be exhausted, and I know sometimes we run out of the energy to fight with local services. But it sounds like what you think can help most is medication?
So concentrate your fight on getting that appointment - repeatedly ring the clinic asking for any cancelled appointments, make complaint about the delay, do a subject access request, complain to your MP. The loudest voice gets heard.
For child to parent violence (regardless of ADHD you should be safe in your own home), look into NVR or PEGS, other resources can be found on the holesinthewall website.

Have you tried contacting the 'early help' services in your area? These work closely with SS, but are not statutory services. They should be able to come out to do an assessment and assign you a worker. Definitely ring them back if you have done this and let them know that no one got back to you and you now need help more than ever.

If that doesn't work. You can ring your local children's social care department and ask to speak to someone on duty with the MASH team (Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub) explain all that is going on for you and then they will send a social worker from the Referral and Assessment team to complete an assessment with you and your family.

The school should have been far more proactive than they have been and I am sorry its been such an uphill struggle to access some support. Don't give up though and well done for being so proactive.

You are not reporting the family so much as asking for a care assessment under section 17 Children Act 1989. Your child qualifies as a child in need because he meets the criterion of having a disability by virtue of having the ADHD diagnosis. People are right that it may not result in much, but you won't know unless you try. I would suggest you strongly emphasise the danger to him and the other children and that there is a significant risk of family breakdown which from their point of view could get expensive.

How is he at school? Does he have an EHC Plan?

Yes you can call social services, tell them you are in crisis and cannot cope anymore, tell them you feel he's a risk to you and your other children which is what you are saying. But be aware that once this is in motion you will not be fully in control, if they decide specialist respite care or residential school is required you cannot refuse.

I've had the bruises, bites, got permanent scars (asd not adhd) I completely sympathise and I had a girl, still shorter than me as an adult so potentially less dangerous. I didn't get social services help but was under camhs from 10.

Medication is LIFE CHANGING for adhd please try this first. I say this as a woman who had a late diagnosis and wasted my whole youth and 20s frustrated and angry I have turned my life around xx

Why wouldnt they prescribe the medication until he was in secondary school? My son was prescribed his when he was 9

I wish people would stop posting that the OP should try medication. They want to try medication, but it's not something they currently have access to.

Wow, this is really what I needed to hear today.

We're on the way to a private clinic to sort out ADHD meds for my daughter who has had an absolute crisis this year and has barely been in school.

Good news stories are all I need at the moment 🙂

You need an early help referral but as PP have said, you need to think what type of support you want from the service and be prepared they will ask this.

Some other PP have suggested a disability social work assessment- yes you can request this but the assessment may show your child does not meet the criteria for longer term support and it maybe you would be signposted to early help anyway.

Also some incorrect advice here I'm my view.. you will get a safeguarding social worker if there are safeguarding concerns that meet threshold and from the limited info given this is not safeguarding ( of course there could be other factors that could make it)

And if you ring the LA and say you can't care for your child they will help, but respite (short breaks) is a small resource and not something the LA look at without an assessment and other interventions as the best place for a child is at home or with a family member. It isn't as easy ( and shouldn't be) to ring up and ask for a child to go into care ( I know you haven't said this OP but others have!)

Have you got any family /friends who could have him for a while when things escalate? Can you look at clubs and activities fir children with SEN to attend at weekends or school holidays

my son is 7, with ADHD, asd and pda. I dread how much harder this will be when he’s older (he’s tiny, the size of a 4/5 year old now). We’ve been through all the services, multiple times. Haven’t ever found anything to help. Still trying meds (he won’t take them though).
random side note as I have a teenager too - but the find my iPhone has an option to prevent them turning it off

Yes report to SS, every time it happens u should be telling yr GP, the quickest way to CAHMS is going to A&E but u will only see the on call team, and waiting lists are enormous.
It’s only a matter of time until yr other child gets injured, so u need to be on, to school, family worker (they r normally based at the school) go into reception and don’t leave until they at least arrange an appointment, if u have a children’s centre visit there, go to yr GP show the injuries.
Good luck.

The point is that this is NOT a social services issue or a school issue or a police issue it is a medical issue.
All energies should be put into securing the medication that was going to be prescribed for him either by securing a new private psychiatrist or urging the GP to push for a paediatric referral.

OP - As pp said - call the crisis help line whenever there is an issue. Build up a paper trail. Keep pushing. Could you do a search for the psychiatrist who diagnosed him and was going to prescribe? I would write to him/her - old fashioned letter on paper and ask for her support.

Thing is, CAMHS are absolute shite so getting pushed up the waiting list might not be the help you're holding out for.

I second finding another private clinic. That's what we're doing and it has cost a small fortune, but from first appointment to meds it's been about 8/9 weeks.

With CAMHS it would have been never. They've been seeing her for almost four years and never thought to assess her for, well, anything. Just told her about self harm apps and to go for a walk if she felt bad.

Please don’t look at it as ‘reporting’ yourself to social services. You can self refer to the children with disabilities SW team for help and advice.

I’m in wales and we have something called CALDS (children and adolescent learning disabilities service) - I know ADHD isn’t a learning disability but it comes under it for behaviour. There might be an equivalent in your area.

Try Barnardos too. https://www.barnardos.org.uk/what-we-do/support-for-parents-and-carers/support-for-send-children

If financially possible (do you claim DLA?) I would look in to adhd360 and paying for medication, which they can then hopefully move to nhs gp once settled, and google specific parenting classes for adhd and/or violent behaviour in your area. I’m sorry you are having such a hard time.

Unfortunately, in our area, and I assume nationally, all services are extremely stretched.

My own response would be to try to identify anything that may be escalating or triggering the behaviour. For example, is your son in Y7? Was the transition from primary school well planned? Are his support needs at school identified? If so, are they being met? Could you apply for statutory assessment with a view to procuring an EHCP? Does the behaviour happen during unstructured times, or when demands are placed on him, or in certain environments? and so on.

Are the younger siblings really safe, emotionally as well as physically? If he is attacking, injuring you now and it is hard to control, what will it be like when he is 14, 16, or and adult?

Has he cooccurring mental illness, ASD and so on? A referral from the GP for NHS diagnosis could be long and drawn out, but other 'conditions' often co-occur with ADHD, but it is worth starting the ball rolling now.

Are there any changes that you could make in the family situation that may help?

What sort of things support positive behaviour? What sort of things may trigger meltdowns? Has he got sensory issues, if so, what might these be?

I know I have just presented a list of questions, but if you write these type of questions down (rather like your own behaviour analysis) and seek their answers, you could come up with a report, albeit produced at home, of what his issues are in a certain context, and how they affect your son, and other members of the family.

The GP may find this useful is seeking appropriate referrals, and children's social care may also find this useful in terns of signposting to other services.

In addition, keep contacting services. Chase up this key worker. It is unacceptable that they have not contacted for two years. Contact Social Services.

However, the analysis you undertake may help you to identify any changes that you and your family can make. Involve your son in some discussions, it may be that he can tell you things that help. Due to the very poor response we have had with respect to services, we have often had to think about what we can do ourselves to a degree that should not be placed on a family.

Good luck.

@SocialserviceswillTheyhelp I would call CAMHS and ask where you are on the waiting list. Explain his behaviour is escalating and he is a danger to himself and his siblings. I did this with my DD when she was on the waiting list and they made her a higher priority and we were seen quicker.
You can always call 101 and log things with the non emergency police just to have a record of things.

Good luck- I understand how hard it is. I understand how lonely is it and how it chips away at your soul. You are not alone - keep posting, vent, rant and use MN as an outlet. It keeps you going because its such a fight. x

have you seen the camhs website? they will have sources of support, links to follow