I'm reporting us for social services later. But will they actually help?

[SocialserviceswillTheyhelp]

I have 4 children, we live in a safe and secure home both me and the children's father are here, we work full time and the children have had a safe, loving and well attached upbringing.

On child has a diagnoses of ADHD. One of the symptoms is awful violent meltdowns. He hurts himself and others.
This has been going on since he was 3 years old, he is now 12.
He is an amazing, loving, empathetic, funny child who I utter adore.
But when life does not go his way, he destroys our home, he throws things, he punches, we have massive holes in our walls, our doors, he has smashed glass more times than I can count.
He has never heard our youngest directly but he has been collateral damage by flying objects.
He has repeatedly punched me and left bruises for weeks.
He has run away, he was wondering the streets until 10pm last night saying he wasn't coming home. He switched off his "find my iPhone" so I couldn't see where he was.

What I have tried:

Getting a key worker. They said we were accepted for help in feb 2021 and haven't heard back since.

Speaking to the school over and over. They are next to useless and apparently have an amazing Family Support worker who I am
yet to hear from.

Ive read books - Life without Brakes, 10 ways the a less defiant child, and more.

I've even tried a flipping healer out of pure desperation.

We have regular family outings and regular one to one with him, we will play board games, play cards or the other night we simply went for a nice drive together and had a long chat about anything and everything.

I've tried calling them police during a violent meltdown. They say "do you want your child to have a criminal record?" I say no, they say there's nothing they can do then.

Hes in the CAMHS waiting list for ADHD, that's been 3.5 years.

He got diagnosed privately 2 years ago but the practice closed down so we can try meds, which we were waiting for secondary school to try.

We tried going to the Gp to rush along the CAMHS thing as suggested on here and they said that was impossible.

So that leaves me with reporting myself to SS. Will they help?

It does sound like he needs meds. Why were you waiting to try them till secondary school? They are probably the best thing for aggression (and we have a similar child, his meltdowns are almost always after his meds wear off and we are going to ask to try a longer lasting or top up dose). If possible you might find it best to go to a new private provider for a prescription to stop you from being in crisis at the moment. When we started meds with DS it was privately and the simple dose of methylphenidate was £30 per month plus a prescribing charge which I think was only every 3 months. That was on top of the diagnosis which we already had, and you won't need to pay that again.

This struck me:
I've tried calling them police during a violent meltdown. They say "do you want your child to have a criminal record?" I say no, they say there's nothing they can do then.
We have called the police (after calling Social Services out of hours line). We called 999 in the middle of an incident, two officers came and talked to DS very seriously. We have also reported two further incidents via 101 online and two different officers came another time. We had a choice whether to press charges, and we decided not to, but every time we report they refer us to Social Services, and they are also referring us and DD (who is 8) to Victim Support, so she will get some counselling at school. She also previously had some counselling through the Freedom Programme for children, and she really liked having someone to tell her problems to.

We are going to keep on calling them or reporting incidents until we actually get the help we need.

What did they say when you chased up the key worker and family support worker?

Have you requested a EHA from school?

I don't think you'll get a positive outcome from the SS people but you should still report yourself because at least that way if the situation escalates further it's more evidence that you tried everything possible. That's why it's important to get him started on the drugs ASAP too, don't hold off any longer, get him started on them and see whether they do anything for him.

No words other than to say you are clearly doing your absolute best and these vital services are failing you.

I’m not saying this to be horrible but your children do not come from a safe and secure home they come from a abusive, scary home. My children were put on child protection because of my child and they were never violent towards anyone they used to smash the house up. The only help I got was through the police as they were there and witnessed what everyone was going through. The socials only concern was how to protect my other children not witnessing the smashing up of the house so they helped with safety plans in place where they went to a safe place if anything started. If they have a diagnosis of adhd go to your gp and ask if they could take over the care for meds.

They will help but it has to get worse much worse and I know it’s hell already.
my nephew was the same some years ago it all came to a head when he was 13 he smashed the house up for the hundredth time but he attacked my sister with a golf club fracturing her scull
she ended up signing a section 20 so he could go into local authority care as he was a danger to her other younger son.
im not saying that’s the answer he went from one foster carer to a group home for similar kids.
I can say he’s now much older and he’s turned a corner and settled and happy working and in a stable relationship
good luck I know it’s horrendous

You think I have the prescription and I'm choosing not to give it to him?! 😩

Thank you!!!

OP go and get a prescription for meds - from your GP / specialist or privately if you have to.

Your son needs to be medicated

Hey OP look at right to choose. Evolve psychology. 6 months for an NHS assessment. However it’s then back to camhs for medication.

Alternatively if you have the private diagnosis and it was done in line with NICE guidelines then you should be going to CAMHs for medication not assessment. You should be on list for Titration clinic They can accept other assessments if they are happy they were done in line with nice guidelines.

People really don’t understand ADHD meds. It’s not a case of just going to GP or paying £100s privately.

Hi OP, you sound drained by this situation, I am sorry you are having to cope with this.

I can only second other posters who have said that medication is the priority. Can you afford / access another private clinic?

Since I have posted this, I called CAMHS 22 times, they finally answered and said they can't help I have to call the Neurodiversity team that deal with ADHD.
I called that number which goes straight to an automated message that states that they will not tell anyone where they are on the waiting list and to expect to keep waiting.

So that sucks.

I spoke to SS who just put me through to a key worker, asked a load of questions, said he would email me through some stuff (yet to happen) and he will get back to me (I doubt he will).

Then the Family Liason person called me, she said she is like a bulldog with CAMHS, and she will be coming round on Wednesday to start some helping processes.

One thing both the key worker and the FL person said was to call the police every time he smashed the house up.
They said the police never should have said about the criminal record and that was misinformation.
im really cross about that because we could have called the police many times since then!

So we will call the police next time.

im so fucking depressed, I just want to move out.
im looking at 2 bedroom flats for me and the little one and doing Turn2us to figure out if I could afford to do it.

My middle son has severe ADHD and will have violent outbursts, we found that outdoor actives and general man things (survival camping, fishing, helping his dad build things, helping his dad tinker with his car, chopping wood etc) improved his behaviour drastically.

Sometimes I like to go and listen to what they chat about when they're tinkering the car and most of the time my hubby is teaching him how to be a respectful man and whats right from wrong.

I think all boys need a good male role model and this doesn't have to be their father, it could be another male relative or even a close family friend.

Hope everything goes well for you, sending love.

There's no "care for meds" for the gp to take over!! ADHD medication must be prescribed and monitored by a consultant. There is an often lengthy and complicated titration process to go through with very regular monitoring and health checks. After this is successful, a GP can then be asked if they are happy to take over the repeat prescribing, whilst the patient remains meeting essential health criteria.

If you are looking at moving yourself and your youngest child out of the house, then I think you need to explain this to SS. Perhaps tell them that because of the safety of the other children, you feel he can no longer live in the family home, or no longer live there full time.

If you're at this level I hope it would trigger some support.

I know ADHD meds are complex, and I hope you can find a solution. Could you afford a private solution if one could be found, even in the short term?

Also, if he is missing, I would 100% call the police. At 10pm, with his phone potentially switched off, he is very vulnerable.

💐 for you.
I don't mean to be naive,I don't know anything about ADHD,but if he is diagnosed can be not have some medication to calm him down?
The effect on him and you all as a family must be exhausting and incredibly stressful.
(The only reason I know about ADHD and medication is because I read an awful report on parents of non ADHD children paying a grand to get them falsely diagnosed so they can get the medication for the children as it makes them concentrate to study for exams).
🌈 sorry I am no use to you but I really hope you get some answers,and help very soon,you've been let down horribly.
A colleague got assurance for her child on a similar subject by going to her m.p. She had what she needed within a week.

Assistance not assurance

Are you having a laugh?

You honestly believe that a neurodivergent kid in crisis is going to be helped by eating fewer ready meals, “man made items” and sugar?

Show me the research you’ve read that points towards a few preservatives in a bloody microwave lasagne having such a deleterious effect on cognition and behaviour.

Gawd help us 🤦‍♀️

Actually sugary foods can considerably worsen adhd as well as autism. My son is severely autistic and after a lot of sugar and pricessed food he would be climbing the walls and his behavior would deteriorate dramatically.

No one is saying dietary changes would cure a condition but they can certainly help a lot and in these situations anything that helps is a good thing.

You have a diagnosis that's a big step. Have you looked for private peadtricians in the area or by zoom that will do a consultation and write a private prescription to start medication
Iv 3 adhd kids and its life changing

I must not have been clear in my OP. The private psychiatrist said she wouldn't prescribe until he was in secondary school. Now he's in secondary school that private practice has closed down

Frankly, it’s no wonder the practice shut down if this was the case. Unless there is exceptional circumstance around your child, this is highly unusual and has missed a huge window of opportunity with schooling.

You need to see a paed who specialises in development as there are options that can be considered for your child in addition to the typical ADHD management. I have one that has ASD/ADHD and they were explosive and that aspect was pharmacologically managed well resulting in a much happier child/young adult/adult as being happy within themselves is invaluable. The feelings that cause these explosions are no way for them to live, let alone those around them.

I utterly sympathise as my ds was exactly the same, he really ramped up the violence and aggression from age 11.

i did call the police and they were really good (I know I was lucky as one officer had a son who was the same) . I wasn’t prepared to put up with the violence anymore.

his meds were changed and from 14 plus he did start improving

i had a negative experience with SS. I begged them for help, respite and they told me that were willing to take my 3 younger children into care if I couldn’t sage guard them and leave ds at home. Wtf.

not to say you will, hopefully things have moved on in the past ten years and you get the help you need

I can see from your posts that currently you have had little support from your school. Can I suggest that you request a joint mtg with the SENDCo and the DSL (Designated Safeguarding Lead) as this fits squarely in their remit. In order to progress with the CAMHS referral, you will need a multi-pronged attack with them and your GP. I am afraid that this is no longer the time to ask politely for help but to demand it.

Set out clearly, what you need from them now and tell them that this is what you expect. Next, ask the school for a copy of their complaints procedure and follow it to the letter, then make your complaint about the lack of response from the family support officer.

As to the medicines, then it is back to the GP and ask them to get their finger out, explaining that you are currently at risk due to his anger management and violent outbursts.

I realise you are at the end of your tether, but you also need to channel your anger and frustration to improve the situation. Good luck!