To be offended that nursery want to refer us to a children’s centre??

[Worriedworrior]

DD just turned 2.5 and started at nursery 6 months ago. She had trouble settling and can be shy but has made a few friends and participates in the activities she enjoys. Last week she had a tantrum leaving nursery and refused to get in her car seat. I was tired and had a migraine coming, so instead of doing what I should do (validating her feelings etc etc), I just said either she get in the seat or she can stay at nursery. I’m not proud of this and no it’s not best behaviour management but frankly it got her in the seat!

Her keyworker happened to see all this. Next day we got a call from her about the tantrum and the keyworker gave us some basic advice about behaviour management - all stuff I know and do most of the time but obviously didn’t do on this occasion. The call went on and on with her giving me more and more advice, to the point that she started criticising things like the snacks I bring to meet my daughter at nursery and the way we structure our weekend activities. It ended with her saying she thought I should be referred to a Children’s Centre for further ‘support’. AIBU to find this offensive? Should I try to be generous and see it as someone just trying to help? Tbh I do find DD’s tantrums challenging sometimes and don’t always deal with them perfectly but I thought that was just me being human and her having a case of the terrible twos?! I don’t like to feel judged.

That is odd!

My child refuses to come out of nursery and always says 'I DON'T WANT TO COME HOME!!' But absolutely fine when we get walking 🤦🏻‍♀️.

Has your keyworker got any kids of her own or has she gained all her experience and knowlege in nursery and the EYFS handbook , or is she a very special and exclusive breed of the perfect mum?

And this is the difference between the old ways ( get in the car NOW) which bred well behave thoughtful children to the ones nowadays that think the world owes them everything. I think you dealt with it properly.

What you do with your child at the weekend is 100% none of their business.

I used to work in nurseries and from what you have said your/dd's behaviour wouldn't warrant a referral to a children's centre. Your dd's keyworker (who should be highly qualified and experienced btw) sounds like she is trying to help though.

I dunno, it sounds like she thought you looked like you were struggling. And then maybe during the phone call you've overstated in a way that makes her think you lack confidence, or need some support. She's offered to refer you for support. It's not compulsory, you don't have to go if you don't want to and if you're happy with how things are going at home. But I don't really understand why you (and all the commenters) are so offended by the suggestion. Do you think only crap parents and awful people get referred to these things? Lots of good people and good parents need support sometimes too, it's not always a bad thing.

I think some people enjoy jumping on the superiority express before they have read all the OP's posts. That "see next" button must be hard to see for some.

Well for a start that conversation should never have happened over the phone. They should have asked for a chat.

And the conversation sounds over the top and hardly likely to get you on side even if you did need some support. And to be telling you how to structure your weekends is a ruddy cheek

Dont let your confidence be knocked! Having said that children's centres have some good resources so might be worth a look ....might be interesting for you and fun for your child Good luck