Older men expecting you to move

[Miloticc]

…And getting furious when you don’t??
Is it just me? Men keep getting really angry at me when I won’t move out the way or let them into traffic, etc. A few examples:

This morning I didn’t let an older gentleman in a Range Rover filter into traffic from a junction, because the car behind me was already yielding for him. He was beeping, swearing and flashing his lights like crazy at me 😳

The other day an older man in a van tried to force his way in front of me in a lane merge (when there was no gap in front of me and no cars behind me) and was absolutely seething that I didn’t just stop and let him do it.

I had a man in about his 60’s (not old by any means, so capable of waiting with the rest of us) try and step in front of me in a bus queue and was livid when I wouldn’t make space for him and he had to go to the back. He actually shoved me.

When I walk down the street everyone kind of weaves around each other but I’ve noticed men that are older than me (I’m in my 30’s) will try and walk right through me, expecting me to jump out their way.

Obviously not all men, but enough that I’m really noticing it. More so now than when I was in my early 20’s! They stay calm if they get their own way, but if I dare to stand my ground they go from 0-100

YABU - Just move and let them get on with it
YANBU - It shouldn’t make them so angry

I've not noticed this in that age bracket around where I am.
But mum's on school runs are vicious (especially near the private school by work but not the private school near home)

Neither are ok btw.

I think that lots of people are rude and impatient. MN gets it fair share of Mums with pushchairs taking up all of the pavement and making people step into the road or refusing to collapse pushchairs on the bus threads.

It's not just men but once you notice something you keep noticing it.

Try being a woman in her 50s. Men really think you have no right to take up space in the world.

I do honestly feel like the older I get, the angrier they are that I exist. Like I’m just “in the way”.

YANBU, to many men if you are not young and attractive or so elderly you are their Grandmothers age you fall into the way side and are pointless human flesh walking around in their way.

There is no benefit to being decent to women outside of these parameters.

Most of my driving related problems are caused by young mums in range rovers who can’t drive them.

Hmmm re the lane merge you are supposed to take it in turns and 'zip' so if you had got really close to the car in front of you so he couldn't merge, you were in the wrong. He wasn't pushing into your lane, he was trying to merge.

Yanbu! Try swimming in a local pool!

YANBU at all..I have noticed this more and more.
I will always let one car go in front of me at a merge, busy car park, that kind of thing. If I have a large trolley of food and someone has one item at Lidl, I will always let them go in front. I hold open doors, I let people through narrow gaps. So I'm really, really conscious of manners and etiquette.
I have almost identical experiences to the OP on an almost daily basis. I've had tutting men with trollies almost as full as mine behind me, a few weeks ago the chap actually told me I was ride not to let him go first. My entire trolley was unloaded, his was full, there was no room on the belt and I had just enough time to make it to school pick up. What's more, I'd already let someone with a basket go in front of me as I unloaded. He wasn't just a bit annoyed, he ranted, the whole time and swore about me to the cashier as I walked away (having been lighting quick at chucking stuff back in my trolley). The cashier
, Who was the store manager, incidentally called him out for being rude.
I also notice that it is this demographic of men who most often pull over pedestrian crossings when the lights change and in one I stance last week, caused my 11 year old (who I walk with to school and leave a couple of 100m away) to walk in to the road, with his back to traffic so he could comfortably wheel his bike. I had enough and confronted him. He said that the snowflakes need to learn who is boss. Literally. I've since coached my son to stand his ground, stand still, next to the wall, let them go round him.

I did consider this to be fair! I’ve kept wondering if I should’ve just let him. But I was just-in-so passed the end of the merge and I was the last car in a line of slow moving traffic. He came flying down the right lane and could’ve (should’ve because the lane ended) pulled in behind me but he wanted me to move out of his way 😬 I was already merged technically before he got there.

It’s not only ‘old’ men. Last week, I checked my rear view mirror to see a thirty something in a van behind having some sort of apocalyptic episode, arms waving and some obviously rich language aimed at me as I’d had the sheer gall to stop at a red traffic light.

This is quite a well known phenomenon. Men believe they own all public space and expect women to give way for them. Some women have tried this out and spent a day not moving aside for men on footpaths, and what happens is that the men just crash into them.
There are plenty of men who like to be courteous and open doors etc. for women. But the difference is that this is on their own terms, they are generously offering their chivalry to women if they choose, as a gift. But they don’t think women are allowed to claim space on the pavement or the train seat for themselves.
I read an interesting article by a female journalist who visited Afghanistan a few years ago. She noticed that Afghan women wearing the full burka were treated like dirt by men, who shoved them out of the way on footpaths shouting at them, and seemed intensely irritated by their very presence. Yet these women were dressing and behaving in exactly the correct way to demonstrate their religious devotion and submission to the Taliban’s commands. This should make them worthy of respect, but instead they get treated with contempt.
Sadly it’s all just different degrees of misogyny.

Not just older men, lots of young men expect 70 year old me to leap aside on the pavement out of their important way. Many years ago with a baby on my back one bloke actually shouldered me out of his way.

My absolutely favourite thing is seeing the reaction of men when I don’t give way / let them through / swerve around men in shops or in the street. They are usually either surprised or furious or amused. I love it!

I agree that many many men consider any woman over a certain age to be just in their way.

100%.

I used to get favourable treatment in my younger years but I've noticed as I've aged it doesn't happen much any more and like you my mere existence makes them enraged. Especially on on days I haven't bothered doing make up or styling my hair!!! I had a grandad at school consistently barge me out of his way like a bulldozer, whilst I had my 3 year old daughter walking by my side. I was furious. Once I saw him outside of school I looked him dead in the eyes and told him if he was to do that one more time he would regret it. Turned up to school the next day with my husband and funnily enough now he walks out of my way when he sees me and won't even make eye contact. Prick.

NEVER look at other drivers - then you’re o livious to whether it’s a friendly wave or rude gesture

The worst experiences I've had with men was walking around Fenchurch St area in London as I used to work near there a few years back. They would actually walk into you on purpose and someone nearly took my shoulder off going past me. The only consolation is that I am quite solid and I hope he hurt himself.

Sometimes I was using Google maps on my phone to find where I was going for a meeting - but looking where I was going properly and on usually fairly quiet pavements. A different guy I swear changed his path to deliberately bump into me.

I do feel like when I was younger I would move out of their way, or let them drive where they wanted, or even say sorry and let them push in. But now that I’ve stopped doing that, they’re absolutely fuming.

Yep have this. Pushing dd1 in pram and bloke walking on the other side of the pavement. Sees me coming and moves on to the side I'm walking. I said really??!!! As I passed him and he just replied Really! Said rather loudly to dd what a rude little man he was.

This happened to me yesterday. A car tried to push in front of me from a junction even though there were no cars behind me. I didn’t let him in as I was travelling quickly and there was tons of space behind. He was beeping and carrying on then joined the road behind me. It felt like he just wanted me to behind him.

I get this a fair bit. They appear quite flummoxed at the audacity of me not giving way. Had one guy shout 'excuse ME' after me a few weeks back. Which made me smile.

It's always men. Normally of a certain age.

YABU in citing elderly men. Get this from men and women of all ages.
I try to be considerate and let people out/pedestrians cross, etc. When people are forcing their way out, though, nope they can wait.

Honestly this is exactly what happened to me! I can’t understand the logic of it. It really feels like he was just fuming that I, a woman, was in front of him 😳

@Theemptychairismyshadow OMG yes, the fast and slow swimming lanes should be renamed “The blokes’ lane” and “The other blokes’ lane”. This part of the pool is universally reserved for blokes, even if all they want to do is stand at the end of the lane and chat, stopping anyone from turning.

@Putyourdamnshoeson Your furious checkout man clearly wasn’t someone to engage with, but I’d love to know what he would have said if you’d asked him why exactly he thought you should go in front of him. Or if another man had asked him. I’d love to know how these people justify their behaviour to themselves.

YANBU. Happens while walking too. So many men refuse to give way or move aside when you are walking in opposite directions and one of you has to move. It’s a sense of entitlement to public space and a belief that women should give way to them. If you watch for a while, the same men will move aside for other men when the pavement is busy.

My female friends and I turned it into a game which we call “patriarchal pavement chicken” in which if you spot a man who has given way to another man, you try to keep going along your path to see if they will give way to you. Results in a lot of near misses and usually we have to give way.

Also, this definitely happens more when you are over 30/40 because that’s when these men see no benefit in your existence to themselves.