Older men expecting you to move

[Miloticc]

…And getting furious when you don’t??
Is it just me? Men keep getting really angry at me when I won’t move out the way or let them into traffic, etc. A few examples:

This morning I didn’t let an older gentleman in a Range Rover filter into traffic from a junction, because the car behind me was already yielding for him. He was beeping, swearing and flashing his lights like crazy at me 😳

The other day an older man in a van tried to force his way in front of me in a lane merge (when there was no gap in front of me and no cars behind me) and was absolutely seething that I didn’t just stop and let him do it.

I had a man in about his 60’s (not old by any means, so capable of waiting with the rest of us) try and step in front of me in a bus queue and was livid when I wouldn’t make space for him and he had to go to the back. He actually shoved me.

When I walk down the street everyone kind of weaves around each other but I’ve noticed men that are older than me (I’m in my 30’s) will try and walk right through me, expecting me to jump out their way.

Obviously not all men, but enough that I’m really noticing it. More so now than when I was in my early 20’s! They stay calm if they get their own way, but if I dare to stand my ground they go from 0-100

YABU - Just move and let them get on with it
YANBU - It shouldn’t make them so angry

I don't have an issue with older men, but just men.

I've had them play silly buggers on the motorway (I drive 300 miles to see family) and they hate being overtaken by a woman. One did this for 50 miles.

I was overtaking him as he was doing just under 70 mph (deserted motorway on a summer evening) and he overtook me 'back' . This carried on for miles and when he did eventually leave at a slip road, he turned and grinned at me.

Older man- 60s I expect - in a large Volvo.

I did wonder if he'd like his wife or daughter treated like that.

Who's being bullied? The ageism and sexism was pointed out. No-one was bullied.

An -ism still applies even if it's a group you don't belong to, you don't like or have had a negative experience with.

That's why 'Karen' and 'older women do whatever' threads on MN usually result in more people pointing out the -ism.

I've noticed this over the last two weeks.

I've recently changed m car from a large SUV to an electric mini. In the two weeks I've owned it I've had 3 drivers pull up in the left or right turn lanes to try and overtake me going straight on.
I confess I have had a little fun here though, if you don't know about electric cars they don't need to go through gears like a petrol/diesel engine so acceleration is immediate. By the time they have realised I'm half a mile up the road and they are sat indicating trying to get back into the correct lane.

And yes. They were all men.

Male ignorance to women drivers - (in my 70's so longtime experience). I learned to drive in London but live in the country so will honk people going right if they're blocking the left hand lane. On my way home the other day I stopped to collect medication from the chemist. You have to park in a small car park due to double yellow lines. As I was about to leave the exit was blocked by an elderly man waving me back. The man behind me had to move back so I could reverse. I stopped just enough so he could get in. The chap behind got out and gave him a lamblasting about not waiting and that there were 4 of us trying to get out. Apology - not on your life.

Ha ha, YANBU! It's good ol' fashioned male entitlement! I refuse to budge most of the time when this happens unless it's someone who is elderly or with reduced mobility. When I go for a run some guys just won't move so what I tend to do is increase my speed and power on like a woman possessed, usually works! 😂 I channel the indomitable spirit of my mother who in her 70s decided that after a lifetime of being expected to give way she's done with that and refuses to move for any man!

This is quite a well known phenomenon. Men believe they own all public space and expect women to give way for them. Some women have tried this out and spent a day not moving aside for men on footpaths, and what happens is that the men just crash into them.
There are plenty of men who like to be courteous and open doors etc. for women. But the difference is that this is on their own terms, they are generously offering their chivalry to women if they choose, as a gift. But they don’t think women are allowed to claim space on the pavement or the train seat for themselves

TOTALLY agree with this. I have had the same experiences being a woman. Ive noticed other men dont get the same reaction from men for doing the exact same thing. Once I was driving and an older man tried to cut in front of me (not his right of way) and I wouldnt let him. He then followed me to a car park where I was going, got out his car and approached my car. What he didnt realise was that my husband was in the passenger seat. He came storming up to my car shouting and then clocked my husband. Miraculously, his attitude changed 360 and as my husband got out of the car to ask him what the problem was, he backed away said there was no problem at all and scuttled off. His aim was clearly to intimidate a woman and he felt it was his right to do so until he was confronted with another man, then suddenly his point wasnt so important after all!

I agree. People of all ages and both sexes can be rude.

I can't say I've ever noticed one demographic being worse than another.

It must be exhausting being constantly on the look out for certain demographics treating you badly.

@Qhaecciarr hahaha I hope you gave him a cherry wave as he headed back to the end of the queue

I've noticed it walking on the pavement but just thought it was me being overly sensitive. Didn't realise it was a thing. But I've experienced it in other countries not just this one - the refusal to yield or move aside when in groups especially teenagers of both sexes - I just assumed rudeness.

One on one I've experienced this more on a night out with men just barging into you - as an older woman again we should be invisible. I am going to do the stop and not move trick and see what happens in the future.

Patriarchy chicken...

I (F mid 40s) broke down last week in the middle of nowhere, but on a A road.

In the 3 hours whilst I was standing on the roadside waiting for the RAC, a series of cars stopped to check I was ok and see if they could help. Every driver was a man over 50. I was struck by the fact that not one woman stopped.

Just wanted to say that not all middle aged / elderly men are rude and inconsiderate.

She was using older as a descriptor because in her experience it has been mainly OLDER men who do it, how else would you like her to get across that it's mainly OLDER men who have done that to her?🤔Should she not write the post at all, incase it insults OLDER men?

I've never noticed this sort of behaviour. Maybe I'm just in my own bubble.

I had (what I thought was a lovely man) friend in his 70s. I was about 42, now I am 52. I helped him lots with things. He was 30 years older.

When I was nearing 50, he said to me: "women are past their sell by date at 50"

That sums up lots of attitudes from older men. Well, men of that era/generation.

OP YANBU.

My STBXH is 18 years my senior, he postively loathes and is very rude to women past 40/50. Young women can do no wrong. It makes me sick.
He has false teeth FFS.

Yes I’ve noticed it

😆

I think it’s really helpful and interesting to know that you haven’t experienced it ☺️ I wonder what the different factors are that change who it happens to and if it’s just luck/chance/coincidence.

I would say though I don’t go out looking for it, it has happened a lot to get to this point.

What? I AM a woman FFS. I've been a victim of rape and DV but the statistics for male violence and I work with perpetrators. That has FA to do with this thread. And it's weird that you would bring that up.

Sexism and ageism damages everybody. It's not ever okay.

Report me to MNHQ if you like if you haven't already. I've been on and off this forum for years and don't keep an account for long because of the hacking debacle when I was one of the people who had their information published online. I was also a spartacus poster!

It's just as tiresome now as it was years ago for MNetters to say "you must be a man what about male violence?" because you're not happy with sexism.

Grow up.

I sometimes play Patriarchy Chicken when walking down the street and it is usually men and boys who don't get out of your way and are very surprised when they bump into you. I put that down to most of them not thinking about it rather than being aggressive but it is annoying, just not the same.

It sometimes happen from other women, usually groups of teenage girls.

Because I am quite small and easily knocked aside, I only play this game when carrying a stabilising item. I find two bags of tins held in either hand at shin height works.

There was one time I was carrying a heavy stone pig ornament which was a present for my mum down a very busy shopping street. I was dodging clueless people and getting fed up. It was heavy and the bag was going to give way so I tucked it under my arm and decided not to weave but maintain my course.

Someone bounced off the pig's sticky-outy ears and shouted: "Oww!" I'm not surprised. It was right in the fleshy bit of the upper arm. I bet there were two angry bruises later on. It was a young woman. A man not looking or caring where he was going would have been hit lower down, say in the ribs.

Not ever noticed this and I'm in my 40s... some people just really don't like to move but I've not noticed any group to be worse than others - though I find couples or groups tend to be worse than singles. I do think people in general were more likely to move out of my way when I was younger (and prettier). Can think of four fairly extreme road rage incidents off the top of my head and three were female; two of them young women, one of whom had kids in the car. The male was youngish. And in fairness, people who don't merge properly annoy me too and if I'd reached the end of the merge lane and found someone in a traffic jam edging forward so I couldn't join I'd probably be irritated!

Completely disagree with this

To a PP, it[s not men in their 50s IMO, notat all. It is the older generation.

I beg to differ. I am aged 59 but look 50 am well made up clear good skin.

A man much older than me in the bus queue last week let me get on the bus ahead of him plus the bus driver gave me a free journey. I was amazed. I must have been having a good hair day or something!much

Perhaps driving just brings out the worst in most people.

100%

This really does work. I tend to gaze over their head to my right and they unconsciously duck to my left.