Older men expecting you to move

[Miloticc]

…And getting furious when you don’t??
Is it just me? Men keep getting really angry at me when I won’t move out the way or let them into traffic, etc. A few examples:

This morning I didn’t let an older gentleman in a Range Rover filter into traffic from a junction, because the car behind me was already yielding for him. He was beeping, swearing and flashing his lights like crazy at me 😳

The other day an older man in a van tried to force his way in front of me in a lane merge (when there was no gap in front of me and no cars behind me) and was absolutely seething that I didn’t just stop and let him do it.

I had a man in about his 60’s (not old by any means, so capable of waiting with the rest of us) try and step in front of me in a bus queue and was livid when I wouldn’t make space for him and he had to go to the back. He actually shoved me.

When I walk down the street everyone kind of weaves around each other but I’ve noticed men that are older than me (I’m in my 30’s) will try and walk right through me, expecting me to jump out their way.

Obviously not all men, but enough that I’m really noticing it. More so now than when I was in my early 20’s! They stay calm if they get their own way, but if I dare to stand my ground they go from 0-100

YABU - Just move and let them get on with it
YANBU - It shouldn’t make them so angry

I feel I’ve reached the perfect age to start playing patriarchy chicken! But there might be a lot of collisions 😂

Smug couples with two children are the worst. ‘Look at us, the perfect little family, now MOVE, you defective peasant.’

For the most part, I ignore men like this as an inconvenience. But luckily, the older you get, the less of your self worth you assign to men's opinion of you - how you look, act, dress, dress size etc. It's quite liberating. I cared so much about that kind of thing when I was in my early 20s. Centring patriarchy really is a thing for so many young women without them even realising. You realise how much the #bekind movement is about keeping women in their place.

And funnily enough, maybe it's because I ignore Angry Little Men these days, I rarely encounter them.

I have noticed this and not just directed towards women either - this sometimes happens to my husband when driving too.

I did think twice about posting the OP as I was worried about looking ageist or sexist, but I have genuinely based it on facts. I don’t have any road rage incidents aimed at me from women, I can’t ever remember having even one. Teenage boys always move over for me, men my own age don’t scream/shout at me when they don’t get their own way and I have the nicest experiences of all with older women.

But I do understand that I only have the experience of a 30-odd year old female and that there are loads of different experiences and view points going on. Which is why I’m glad I posted because I’m getting to see them ☺️

I walk to work the same time as the kids are going to school. The pavements here are narrow. The boys all stop to let me pass( they’re reminded of their Nan probably) but the girls just barge past.

I for one am speaking of my personal experience. What else can I do?

This! And younger men are the worst.

I stop dead in my tracks when walking if this happens and wait for them to divert around me. They get very confused.

I completely agree. As I’ve got older I’ve become less inclined to allow them to treat me like this and I stand my ground.

This is so interesting! I wonder if they’re originally confused because they’ve learned somehow that you “should just move” and then get angry as they grow older because we don’t.

Got to agree with this. Not all men blah blah but a significant proportion.

In my experience there seems to be a fair amount of angry men in the world. Not just driving related either. I’m sure it’s not all men!

I find this applies to all men, not just older ones. The older I get, the more I seem to be completely invisible. It's lovely not getting muttered comments about my body, but the pay-off seems to be that men think they can walk straight through me.

I make a point of not moving out of the way if they're charging towards me without stopping. You can tell the ones who think you'll move because they're bigger/taller/male.

But her post is literally titled 'older men' expecting you to move' so it is about older men as a perceived group.

Posters on MN having a title 'older women do x, y or z' do tend to get jumped on for at least ageism.

I think the car you are driving makes a difference. I drive a large exec company car. Dh has a runaround (worth about 3k). I get so much shit in the small car and very little in the large one. I’m guessing they think I’m a bloke!

This article is American, written by a biker with long hair but I doubt the Uk is much different.

https://www.roadandtrack.com/car-culture/a28027/when-i-stopped-cutting-my-hair-i-learned-how-men-treat-women-on-american-roads/

Oh and yes, in the car as well... though I'm not sure this is because I'm a woman, men just seem to think they can drive where they want. Twice this week men have pulled out in front of me when it was very clearly my right of way and they made me slow down/stop to avoid crashing. And I drive a bright red car, I am not invisible!

YANBU. At a petrol station the other day several pumps were out of fuel, so the queues were long and slow moving. As I drove in, I'd noted which pumps were out of fuel so when I got to the front of the queue, didn't move to one obviously empty pump because I'd already clocked there was no fuel there. White van man behind me hadn't however, and was beeping, yelling, swearing, gesticulating etc at me for being in his way and for clearly being such a moron as to ignore a vacanat pump, then very dramatically reversed with lots of revving, then drove over a kerb to get to the pump. And then had to drive out of the petrol station and join the end of the queue again as there was no fuel.

Not gonna lie, that felt great :)

It's old fashioned male entitlement, depressing that it's still as bad, if not worse, than when I was young.

"Woman, know your place" basically.

This reminds me of the time I was walking home with my DD in a buggy after a long walk around town.

Coming back through the park, which was a bit hilly, I had a man and his daughter walk really fast behind me for a good ten minutes, even though they could have overtaken at any point by stepping off the path and going around.

Silly thing is, I already consider myself a fast walker and was trying my best to make haste but I became exhausted and thought ''why am i doing this'' and slowed right down.

The audible swearing that came from behind, lol.

Anecdotes aren't facts 🙄

The best advice. I never look at other drivers - (unless I am thanking them for something and then its just a wave and a smile. I don't actually meet their eyes) because I'm too busy concentrating on driving.

I am oblivious to anyone I might annoy on the road which is just how I like it :)

I haven't noticed men trying to walk into me either, ever. Maybe it's because I'm quite tall? I do try and smile at people when I'm out and about, maybe that has a Moses and the Red Sea effect 😂

I think I may of been an unwilling participant in patriarchy chicken today . She expected me to move to the other side of a alley to go past her instead of side stepping so we could all fit .

Maybe it just a combo of being a phone zombie and entitlement

As a younger woman you’re less likely to be confident enough to refuse to yield to overbearing men, and you’re also more likely to get the ‘selective chivalry’ treatment mentioned above.

Once you’re old enough to stand your ground and give zero fucks, you’ve probably become invisible to them, so the rudeness and entitlement does feel exponentially worse the older you get. Though there’s something life-affirmingly brilliant about acting completely oblivious while some furious red-faced arsehole is giving himself a heart attack over your failure to know your place.

Having said that, some of the very worst offenders on the road are school run mums in massive cars they can’t drive, and I’ve also been walked off the pavement more than once by gaggles of private school kids. Twats abound, unfortunately.

This happened to me yesterday on our walk to school. There is one section with a narrow pavement where there isn't room for more than two people so I always get my son to walk in front and expect the people coming the other way to go behind each other too. Yesterday there was a dad taking his daughter to school and he just kept hold of her hand and barged into me - then tutted as if it was my fault! Not the first time it's happened on this stretch and always middle-aged/older men (the local schoolboys are generally much politer unless lost in their phones!).

Sorry 😬 I mean that I can only base it on actual things that have happened to me. At the end of the day it is just a random opinion of someone on the internet and I do sincerely apologise if it’s upset you

I tried my best to word it well but there’s always room for improvement