Older men expecting you to move

[Miloticc]

…And getting furious when you don’t??
Is it just me? Men keep getting really angry at me when I won’t move out the way or let them into traffic, etc. A few examples:

This morning I didn’t let an older gentleman in a Range Rover filter into traffic from a junction, because the car behind me was already yielding for him. He was beeping, swearing and flashing his lights like crazy at me 😳

The other day an older man in a van tried to force his way in front of me in a lane merge (when there was no gap in front of me and no cars behind me) and was absolutely seething that I didn’t just stop and let him do it.

I had a man in about his 60’s (not old by any means, so capable of waiting with the rest of us) try and step in front of me in a bus queue and was livid when I wouldn’t make space for him and he had to go to the back. He actually shoved me.

When I walk down the street everyone kind of weaves around each other but I’ve noticed men that are older than me (I’m in my 30’s) will try and walk right through me, expecting me to jump out their way.

Obviously not all men, but enough that I’m really noticing it. More so now than when I was in my early 20’s! They stay calm if they get their own way, but if I dare to stand my ground they go from 0-100

YABU - Just move and let them get on with it
YANBU - It shouldn’t make them so angry

I was in London last week on my mobility scooter and got walked into and smacked in the head a few times, usually by bags. My friend in her wheelchair had about 3 people nearly end up in her lap!

I had this at the weekend. Driving down a London residential side street. Cars parked on either side, so it’s very narrow. But two cars can pass each other if they go slowly and keep to the side.

Im almost at the junction when a bloke about 70 drives round corner, straight up middle of road and then starts gesticulating at me to move over!

i just laughed and refused to move. He was so shocked and eventually reversed- even though he was next to a space in the road. If he’d just moved in, we could’ve both been on our way far quicker.

but I could see the penny drop - he fully expected me to move over, then realised he was actually on my side of the road…twat

I wouldn’t have moved, can’t stand when people try to shove their way in to avoid sitting in a little more traffic!
or whizz down the outside lane and cut you up on a roundabout to avoid it entirely 🤬

@Flyingsparks reminded me of this: our hero is the classic old man in a big metallic green Jaguar (every town has one).

There's a narrow 30mph road near me with houses on one side & a field on the other. Residents all park on their side of the road but leave small gaps. At the end of the houses there's a sharp, unsighted bend in the road. So when you're driving towards the bend, oncoming cars will suddenly appear & everyone has to dive into a space & let them go by. It's a bit like musical chairs. Sometimes an oncoming car will take pity, stop before they get to the parked cars & let a few cars go by them instead.

So I'm in a line of cars driving towards the bend, 3 cars appear round it & everyone goes for a space. Mine is tight & I do my best but am sticking out slightly. The first two cars go past us all with no trouble. Jaguar man is behind them & he has plenty of time & space to sit there & let us all out & past him, but he doesn't: he carries on to the parked car congestion. When he gets to me, he has a bit of difficulty & as he's passing me I hear him scrape the far kerb. Hilariously, he leans out of his open window towards mine & complains at me, "Do you want the whole road?". Nothing to do with me, mate. You could see the road ahead of you. It was your choice.

The only way YABU is that you say it’s older men.

IME it’s all ages from teenage boys up. In fact, younger boys and men are the most selfish and act as though they are entitled to space on the pavement.

I practice keeping on walking assertively and force the boys walking 3 or 4 abreast to part, or they’ll get bashed into by my backpack and shopping bags.

There's a narrow 30mph road near me with houses on one side & a field on the other. Residents all park on their side of the road but leave small gaps. At the end of the houses there's a sharp, unsighted bend in the road. So when you're driving towards the bend, oncoming cars will suddenly appear & everyone has to dive into a space & let them go by. It's a bit like musical chairs. Sometimes an oncoming car will take pity, stop before they get to the parked cars & let a few cars go by them instead.

@ifIwerenotanandroid Musical chairs? That sounds like a bad situation even without the presence of the man in the green Jag. No one should be so surprised by an oncoming car on a blind bend that they have to "dive" into a space as opposed to just pulling into it calmly; and no one should be driving round a blind bend at speed, careless of what's round it. What if the residents got more cars and decided to park on both sides of the road so there were no gaps? What if no one stopped?

If it's that much of a problem I think the council should get involved maybe with a 20mph speed limit; traffic lights; parking restrictions or even road widening - whatever it takes. It would be inconvenient but it's the safest solution if people can't be trusted to drive sensibly without extra rules.

I feel sorriest for the people who live on the road. I grew up on one a bit like that. There were houses on either side but by unspoken convention, the residents all parked on one side. It was the 1970s and there weren't so many cars as now. I can't remember anyone having more than one and some people didn't have a car at all, including my parents. We weren't deprived. My dad moved jobs to work locally and we didn't need one any more.

As time went on, the residents bought more cars. I got one. We still carried on parking on one side of the road. But the traffic increased too and drivers would bomb up and down, sometimes diving into spaces to avoid each other and us trying to cross it. They didn't think about us; our road was just a route from A to B for them.

The residents solved it by parking on both sides of the road. People driving on it had to so more considerately because suddenly it was narrower and they had to think about their driving.

If I or my cat or anyone else was run over or my car (imaginary - I don't have one and hire them if I need to drive) got hit by someone driving thoughtlessly, I wouldn't care if they were a man or a woman.

Theemptychairismyshadow · Yesterday 10:06

Yanbu! Try swimming in a local pool!”

Sorry, disagree. It’s almost always older women at our pool (I’m one myself but I don’t gather at the end of the lane with two or three friends for a chat or poodle along in the fast lane).

Why is it asserting yourself and not being a doormat when you (a woman?) Doesnt move .

When he asserts himself and isnt being a doormat . Hes pretentious?

I was wondering about this too

@Hellsmovie not specifically women - people should generally be more assertive regardless of gender. Stop letting others take over your space.

Because of the weight of patriarchal tradition.

You're welcome.

@limitedperiodonly Yes, it's a bad/stupid situation. There are several near me, some dangerous & some leading to daily gridlock, but sadly the council, the highways department & the police just throw their hands in the air & say they've looked & there's nothing to be done. Then the HD fanny around making cycle lanes & playing with traffic calming.

If I win the Lottery, one of the first things I'll do is buy some land & make a car park for those residents!

Lol ok 😂

@sixthvestibule
Smug couples with two children are the worst. ‘Look at us, the perfect little family, now MOVE, you defective peasant.’

Yes this annoys me. Likewise the dad who was doing performative parenting and letting his toddler weave around getting in the way of everyone. He was aware people were behind waiting to pass and just was feebly watching his child with a smug grin on his face. In the end I just said "Excuse me please!". He looked shocked, and held the toddlers hand and moved out the way.

Also the co-dependent couples who can't let go of each other's hands for 10 seconds to let someone pass. Me and DH usually hold hands when we're walking but soon as we see someone approaching we let go and walk in single file so we can all pass on the pavement

I'm 5' 2" and as I said previously I've never really experienced it.

If I win the Lottery, one of the first things I'll do is buy some land & make a car park for those residents!

@ifIwerenotanandroid that's far more public spirited than me. It would have to be a really big lottery win for me to do that and I'd insist on it being named after me and cutting the ribbon myself.

@daisymoonlight
His aim was clearly to intimidate a woman and he felt it was his right to do so until he was confronted with another man, then suddenly his point wasnt so important after all!

that reminds me of a story I read on another thread a few days ago where the OPs DH has long curly blonde hair and drives a small car. He was been given a hard time by a Very Important White Van Man who gesticulated for him to pull over. The DH pulled over and got out the car to talk to angry van Man, who was expecting a woman, not a 6 foot 5 bloke. Apparently van Man kept his doors locked and the window down an inch whilst cowering in his seat 😄

It's not a any-thing other than a arshole thing .

As I said before they come in all shapes and sizes and sex

It’s often men of that age, but not exclusively. The shoving you in the bus queue seems like the worst example as he was actually physically violent.

Driving, I did have an example with a Mum on the school run this morning of bibbing and trying to push through a queue of traffic etc - I was on the way back from the school run, so I’m guessing she was late!

If two people are walking towards the same space at the same time, and will collide if no one moves, the rule should be that the one who’d come off BETTER if they collided should step aside. Anything else is not fit for a civilised society.

So an able bodied man would usually step aside for an able bodied woman, anyone else would step aside for a disabled person, elderly person or small child. If there’s no obvious physically more robust person, you do a quick assessment of your “privilege”, and whether the other person might have been once unfairly made to step aside for you, and if so you step aside for them.

Sounds convoluted but we all know and should be able to assess pretty quickly.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I agree and this is pretty much what I do, although I have never thought about it like this.

I'll try to move over for anyone with reduced mobility for any reason and it has annoyed me when others haven't done the same for me (when I was heavily pregnant or out with a newborn clearly looking a bit dazed).

Whilst in principle I do agree with you. But surely it's just better for every one to show some courtesy to every one . Male and female walking towards each other , they could both move to the side slightly. I dont know,Maybe I was raised differently.

Obviously not expecting people in wheel Chairs or someone with mobility issues to move out the way.

In this situation, I just stop dead where I was walking and look away or at my phone. I do not move aside, if someone has intentionally moved into my path. They are forced to go around.

Sometimes the space only allows for it to be one person though - such as going through a small gap.

if it’s a standard pavement then yes of course both people can move to respective sides without a big fuss (and not doing that exaggerated shuffle some men do to make a thing of it).

Had to get that last bit in didnt you. Obviously that behaviour is exclusive to men🙄