To tell her to poke her wedding!

[Littlepicker]

My wedding (nearly 20 years ago now) involved all of my family members. We have a small family so I had my cousins as bridesmaids and ushers.
This year one of the cousins/bridesmaid is getting married. We got sent our invite but my two children haven’t been invited.
There are literally 20 of us in the family, so obviously my (impeccably behaved) children have been taken off the list to make way for friends.
AIBU to be absolutely furious? I have declined the invitation, much to other family members’ shock, because I feel so strongly that this is not right.
AIBU or is my cousin?

Neither of you are being unreasonable. Anyone can invite (or not) whomever they choose to attend their wedding, and you are free to decline the invite.

It's irrelevant what you did for yours as that was your choice, unless you discussed it with all your family members and agreed rules for all future family weddings.

I can understand why you feel miffed, but it's their choice.

Her wedding, her choice.

Up to your cousin. I'd rather invite close friends than my cousin's kids to a small wedding. You're unreasonable to be so annoyed

YABU. If I was her and there was an issue of space, I would definitely choose friends over the children of my cousins.

I suspect this is an annoying reverse.

I smell a water-testing reverse.

I agree with the above. We had a very small wedding. It was our wedding day and our choice.

how old are your kids

Maybe it's a child-free wedding.

I am presuming loads of your family didn't have kids twenty years ago but now do. A different dynamic.

YABU.

Sounds perfectly fine! As the old saying goes, it's an invite not a summons.

You can decline for any reason you like, but getting in a huff about it is just immature on your part. What you did 20 years ago has no bearing on what people are doing today - and I suspect many many people want to get married surrounded by friends, rather than impeccably behaved children.

She is not being unreasonable to have the wedding day she prefers. If she doesn’t have children, she might prefer a child free day and environment.
Yanbu though to decline the invite if you’d rather not go without your children

Why are you even brining up the fact that 20 years ago (so I guess she was a child at this point) you had her as a bridesmaid. That doesn't mean she owes your children an invite to her wedding 🤣🤣🤣

How many people is she inviting to the wedding? Are other children invited? Has she ever even met your children?

Lol.

Her choice but also your choice not to go.

I am sure you are "fuming" and "hurt" "insulted" blah de blah but you are being unreasonable and it's your own nose you are cutting off ... I expect you know this but just posted for the drama !

I don't think either of you abu.
Your cousin can invite anyone they want to their wedding and you can decline any invite you want.
I wouldn't go moaning about it though, it was your choice to decline the invite

Yabu.
When I got married numbers were limited and kids of cousins definitely did not make the cut.

I turned up to a cousins wedding with DH leaving our uninvited 8 month old at home with DM.
The brides 6 month old niece was there and a sibling of the groom had 2 other young children there.

It didn’t occur to me to be offended that my little darling hadn’t been invited.

You sound really arsey, I bet you cousin is really pleased you've declined, I would be.

Im not keen on the trend not to invite children. Weddings used to be more of a family celebration now its a party for friends.
Ime children are rarely bridesmaids now, its usually friends of the bride.
I was looking back at old photos with my mum and wedding photos are a great visual record family members, weddings are also a good way keeping family bonds.
However its the bride and grooms day and what you choose to do 20 years ago is irrelevant , if they choose not to invite children then thats their choice. Your choice is either find childcare (which can be a pita) or decline invite.
But yes I was always a bit miffed if our DC werent included in family weddings, partly because they loved the experience of going a wedding and partly because childcare finding childcare was extremely difficult.

You are absolutely entitled to have no kids at your wedding. If they don't want to come becauee of that then that's fine too.

You are absolutely entitled to have no kids at your wedding. If they don't want to come becauee of that then that's fine too.

They don’t have to invite your children but they also don’t get to be mad when you decide not to attend due to lack of
invite for children.