To tell her to poke her wedding!

[Littlepicker]

My wedding (nearly 20 years ago now) involved all of my family members. We have a small family so I had my cousins as bridesmaids and ushers.
This year one of the cousins/bridesmaid is getting married. We got sent our invite but my two children haven’t been invited.
There are literally 20 of us in the family, so obviously my (impeccably behaved) children have been taken off the list to make way for friends.
AIBU to be absolutely furious? I have declined the invitation, much to other family members’ shock, because I feel so strongly that this is not right.
AIBU or is my cousin?

MN is very supportive of 'no kids' wedding but I have never been to one and really couldn't be arsed. DD's 18th a few weeks ago was massively improved by loads of dancing toddlers - weddings are family events and I just cba to attend without my DC.

I misread, 20 in your family not 20 to the wedding. You are still unreasonable, friends are more important.

And you have come to that conclusion from a few sentences? You need help

I don't think you realise how utterly preposterous you sound. That's why you've had the comments you have, because people think it's so impossible for someone to think this way, that you must be doing a "reverse"...

A reverse is when you write the ridiculous perspective of the other person in the situation, as if you were them.

If you got married over 20 years ago and your cousin is getting married now, I'm guessing that's a bit of an age gap and/or
You maybe got married at a relatively young age and your cousin at an older age.
If you get married young most of your friends don't yet have children so if you want to include children at the wedding it's usually a smaller number than if you get married somewhat later in life. By the time I met my DH and we got married the vast majority of our friends on both sides had 1-2 children. If we included children (as didn't feel we could include some but not others, with the obvious exception of babes in arms) that would have added about another 30-40 guests which we just didn't have space for.

You haven’t read correctly. It’s a big wedding, there are 20 people IN MY ENTIRE FAMILY

If you think it’s reasonable to call someone a cunt then you also need help

Oh yeah, wait. It IS a made-up, faux outrage drama llama.

1/10. You need to build up with better details about guests being told to wear orange only and/or a ten-date stag tour.

If you invite one kid you have to invite them all, it’s not a children's party, imagine 30 or 40 kids running rampage !

It's probably best you don't go either. You're so angry.

It’s her wedding.
She can invite who she likes.

Yes and I corrected myself.

YANBU, if the norm in your small family is to invite everyone to every wedding then they have deviated and can’t be shocked because you have declined.

It’s weird on MN how the B&G are allowed to exclude family but the invited family aren’t allowed to decline

No, MN is supportive of people having the wedding they want and pay for.

Equally, the op doesn't say the wedding is child free, she says that her children aren't invited. Children of cousins aren't immediate family or even as close a friend's child in most families I imagine.

Then the B&G don’t get to be offended that OP declined.

Neither is unreasonable, they have the right to not invite your kids and you have the right to decline the invitation...

I suspect they couldn’t care less 😆

I don't think they'll mind!

Are you close to your cousin? How often do you spend time with her?
Is she close to your children? How often do they spend time together?

Hypothesis: People who describe their own children as 'impeccably behaved' are not the most grounded in reality.

with your attitude she'll probably be relieved that you've turned down the invitation.
how often does she see your (presumably) teenage children, are they close?

I think they will! These type always do.

Exactly, I don't understand why family would be shocked that she is declining...this happened recently within our family. The bride was so offended because a family member declined to go as kids were not invited ..this has led to a ridiculous amount of drama...in my opinion the B&G have the right to decide who is invited, but definitely should not be offended if some people decide not to attend.

I think child-free weddings were much less common 20 years ago than they are now. I don't blame anyone for having them, money's tight, a child's meal costs the same as an adults, and it's nice for parents to have a child-free social event.

Ultimately, it's their wedding and their choice.

YABU, OP.

Doesn't make the blindest bit of difference if there's 5 or 500

She hasn't invited kids. You're unreasonable to expect that your kids will be invited everywhere.

Sorry if that upset you, but they are. Get over yourself