To tell her to poke her wedding!

[Littlepicker]

My wedding (nearly 20 years ago now) involved all of my family members. We have a small family so I had my cousins as bridesmaids and ushers.
This year one of the cousins/bridesmaid is getting married. We got sent our invite but my two children haven’t been invited.
There are literally 20 of us in the family, so obviously my (impeccably behaved) children have been taken off the list to make way for friends.
AIBU to be absolutely furious? I have declined the invitation, much to other family members’ shock, because I feel so strongly that this is not right.
AIBU or is my cousin?

Agreed 💯.

YABU to put any expectations on someone else based on what you did at your own wedding.

You didn't get to set a precedent that other people have to follow just because you got married first.

Weddings are important and special days and many people have thought for years about how they want their wedding day to be. They can't do what they like, and if it doesn't suit you then just don't attend.

You are being so unreasonable.

Weddings are different now. Children tend not to be invited and I respect that decision.

Sorry who are you replying to? Have the B&G kicked off?

OP you haven't answered the repeatedly asked question; are ANY children going? Is it a child-free wedding, or have they just axed your particular little darlings?

You're still wildly unreasonable because having a small child as your bridesmaid does not guarantee you and all your future family VIP invites to their future wedding, but you might be ever so slightly less so if there's going to be 20 kids there and yours are the only ones being left out.

What about the brides and grooms entire families?

Unless there’s some massive drip feed coming up, then I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable here.

FWIW I can count the number of times I’ve met my cousin’s DC on the fingers of one hand. They’d not be top priority for an invite if I was planning a party with limited numbers, regardless of how impeccable their behaviour is.

So, the children that didn't exist when you got married, aren't invited to a wedding 20yrs later. And you're fuming.

Ok.

Any other children going?

Your wedding 20yrs ago is irrelevant.

cousin can do whatever she wants for her wedding. It's not uncommon to not invite kids to a wedding these days.

Don't see why you're so miffed to be honest. It's a bit silly that you declined because of it. Could you not get a sitter?

So what? They don’t want the kids there, and you’ve declined.

End of story really.

YABU to assume that family should automatically be prioritised over friends. It's a cousin - how close are you?

Look OP, it's pretty unanimous that YABU. But you won't see it, of course. No need to call you a cunt.. but if you dwell on things for 20 years and compare their wedding to yours because your kids aren't invited, they probably won't be arsed if you decline the invite. Just because you have kids it doesn't make them entitled to every wedding invite.

Perhaps she didn't want kids at her wedding. Perhaps her budget could inlet cater for X amount of people, and had to say no to children to invite the adults they wanted.

Adults trump kids invite at weddings.

If you're like this IRL she probably didn't want to invite you either.

Weddings have changed, I well remember when the reception would be in the church hall with aunties helping mum with the catering, then it was a local pub or small hotel, now it is generally hiring a castle and people staying over for a couple of days and everything is expensive. I look back fondly on the old style where you could invite all the family, have all the little girls in salmon pink satin dresses that you mum's best friend ran up on her old Singer sewing machine. I fear we will never get those days back.

How many people are going to the wedding in total?
Is it a child free wedding?
Do they have close friends they see a lot more than family?

It's probably a very different family dynamic to 20 years ago

I get that you are upset, but it's entirely their choice so in that respect YABU

They aren't obigliated to have dc at their wedding your reaction is OTT and extreme to other posters. People don't have a money tree and if they invite one lot of children then they need to invite all.

YABU HTH

You sound like my cousin. She went nuts when we didn’t invite cousin’s children because there was “only 8 of them”

Also had DH’s side to take into account and there’s fucking loads of theirs.

Weddings have changed a lot in 20 years. Many more are child free now. And a couple’s friends will these days (not unreasonably) almost inevitably take priority over the children of cousins. You are unreasonable to be furious about this and to take it so personally. You would not have been unreasonable to be a bit disappointed. Any emotion stronger than mild disappointment as a reaction to this issue is a very, very big over reaction. You are at liberty to decline the invitation. Which you have done. But the way you have gone about it makes you look unkind and, frankly, a bit loopy.

I think this depends on if it's a no children wedding or if it's just your children being excluded op. If a no children wedding yanbu to refuse to go but equally they aren't wrong to have the day how they want it either and I say this as a huge fan of kids at weddings I believe kids make a wedding better and had loads at mine but bottom line it's the bride and grooms day and they have the final say in this

its not always a straight swap invite and if you don't want to attend then don't go, but you're cutting your nose of to spite your face. Turning down the invitation to attend a family event where you will be able to have a good time with relatives seems such a churlish thing to do. It says much more about you than anyone else

Lots of people don’t want kids at weddings.

There’s nothing the matter with you choosing not to go because of that, but yes you are unreasonable (and very entitled) to be angry that your kids haven’t been asked).

Is it a child free wedding? Child free weddings are very common, or almost child free, very close family excepted. If the couple have lots of friends with children, it can be very awkward if some children of family, unless they're very close to the couple (DCs/DCs/DNs), are invited when friends' children are not. Are your children particularly close to the couple?

Maybe just me, but with a wild 2 year old I’d love to be invited to a child free wedding (family or not) 😂😂😂

Get a grip OP.