To tell her to poke her wedding!

[Littlepicker]

My wedding (nearly 20 years ago now) involved all of my family members. We have a small family so I had my cousins as bridesmaids and ushers.
This year one of the cousins/bridesmaid is getting married. We got sent our invite but my two children haven’t been invited.
There are literally 20 of us in the family, so obviously my (impeccably behaved) children have been taken off the list to make way for friends.
AIBU to be absolutely furious? I have declined the invitation, much to other family members’ shock, because I feel so strongly that this is not right.
AIBU or is my cousin?

@Littlepicker

this op!

go and let your hair down! Enjoy a break from your kids

You can't hold onto something you did TWENTY YEARS AGO.
On the plus side your cousin can now invite more friends and will probably be happier. That can be your lovely gift to her. Your lack of presence.

She doesn't have to in it your children
You don't have to attend.

Job done.

You had the wedding you wanted, she is having the wedding she wants.

But it isn't your wedding , OP

I truly don't understand why you think you have the right to choose what guests the bride and groom should invite

Weddings are expensive. Unless you are paying of course. Friends before cousin’s children even if they are in their twenties.

You're being ridiculously unreasonable. What right do you have to dictate?

Many prefer a child free wedding. My friend is doing the same except for her two nephews.

Your view of impeccably behaved is likely highly subjective too, you sound like the entitled one here.

Friends who are in their life most days definitely trump a cousin’s child, regardless whether you feel they owe you something because they were part of your wedding OP

I have cousins who have got married and I haven’t received an invite and I have cousin where not only was I invited but I was part of the wedding party. Relationships differ but often people’s friends are closer than family

Weddings are expensive so of course they are going to prioritise the people that are close to them rather than obligated family members

was massively improved by loads of dancing toddlers

Can’t imagine how this could possible be true.

I just cba to attend without my DC.

So it’s a win-win.

It’s a tricky one. Lots of kids these days aren’t that well behaved no matter how you think they are as their parents.

I’ll never forget me and my ex SO chasing my DB’s god daughter (4) and her 2 older sisters (6 and 9) around the outside of Kilver Court (it has a stream with rocks and stepping stones) but was the only outside area) as they were flower girls at DB and SIL’s wedding. Luckily nothing happened and they were fairly well behaved, just very bored and were quite lively (their DF was a groomsman) as apart from another child (grandchild of a guest who didn’t have childcare last minute) and the 10 year old other flower girl, no other kids attended. We didn’t think to arrange entertainment for these children either. Thank god nothing happened but an accident could’ve done so easily. Most other friends and relatives have had child free weddings unless the children are in the wedding party or are the children of the bride and groom.

AIBU to be absolutely furious?

Yes! Their wedding, their choice. Maybe they don't want your 'impeccably behaved children' at a small wedding.

You've now thrown a strop and you're the one that's going to look like a wally while everyone else has a nice time.

I"m sure they are probably quietly relieved you have declined instead of inviting you out 'family duty'. Have you even met her husband-to-be? When was the last time you saw here?

Inviting her to your wedding 20 years ago does not entitle you to invites ever more.

I don’t think it matters how many people are in your family or what happened at your wedding, it is up to the bride and groom to decide. We spoke to our parents and restricted family members as we wanted friends there as we spent more time with them and were closer with them. Also had to draw the line or otherwise it would have been many more.

are they actually having kids at the wedding? Personally we like having a wedding without kids and enjoy having fun as a couple!

Child free weddings are so much more fun, 100%
Couples day, they can and cannot invite who they want.
you can decide not to go. But you shouldn’t be offended. It’s the norm now with wedding invites.

I feel I do nothing but hit the report button on here these days (mind you it usually crashes on the app and I end up giving up)

20 isn’t that small a family.
It is entirely up to them who they invite.
If you don’t want to go then don’t, I’m sure you won’t be missed going by the appalling manners and complete lack of decorum you have shown on this thread.

Honestly are you going to be holding the fact that you had her at your wedding 20 years ago for ever. Most people would choose actual friends than their cousins kids. Tbh you sound bonkers

I can’t believe that OP herself got an invite with an attitude like that 😂

Yabu it's her wedding not yours.

What you mean is that you are unhappy that no one agrees with you. Not sure why you posted is you didn't want people's opinions.

I’d assumed this was a reverse but presume not following the OP’s further comments.
Family can invite/not invite who they like. You can also decline if you like.

Child-free weddings are a thing. Personally it's not my preference, but it's not up to me to dictate who people invite to their own weddings. What you did at your wedding is completely irrelevant.

Declining the invite gracefully is completely acceptable, being stroppy about it isn't. My husband and I have made the decision that if a wedding is child-free only one of us will attend and the other will stay with the kids. Whoever is closer to the couple goes.

You invited who you wanted to your wedding.
They've invited who they want to their wedding.
It's your choice whether or not to go

I was thinking this too. I wonder if them uninviting the kids was tactful on their part in the hopes she would uninvite herself 😂

Double lol.

The bride and groom do the inviting these days OP, not the bride’s parents because the happy couple are the ones who usually pay for the bulk of what they want for their special day.
It is rather entitled to expect an invitation for your dc simply on the back of your own wedding twenty years ago and many people (including your own family it seems) would find your ‘absolute fury’ very misplaced in this day and age. Surely you understand that the wedding industry has moved on tremendously and is completely different to twenty years ago.
Shame you didn’t simply politely decline, which is your prerogative of course. Keeping your fury to yourself and not upsetting your family would surely have been much more reasonable.

Last time I ever ask a reasonable question on mumsnet!!

But people are responding to your obviously unreasonable froth and rage in your opening post.

"Being furious" and "feel{ing} strongly that this is not right" is not reasonable.

You did what you wanted to do, 20 years ago, and this couple are doing what they want to do, in 2023. Different times, different family situations.

I have read all your posts, but can't see if you have answered the questions about how old your dc are ?

Inviting dc of cousins is quite a stretch really. Where do you think a couple getting married should be allowed to draw the line ?