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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her to poke her wedding!

322 replies

Littlepicker · 23/04/2023 17:55

My wedding (nearly 20 years ago now) involved all of my family members. We have a small family so I had my cousins as bridesmaids and ushers.
This year one of the cousins/bridesmaid is getting married. We got sent our invite but my two children haven’t been invited.
There are literally 20 of us in the family, so obviously my (impeccably behaved) children have been taken off the list to make way for friends.
AIBU to be absolutely furious? I have declined the invitation, much to other family members’ shock, because I feel so strongly that this is not right.
AIBU or is my cousin?

OP posts:
FredaFox · 23/04/2023 18:23

Runnerduck34 · 23/04/2023 18:17

Im not keen on the trend not to invite children. Weddings used to be more of a family celebration now its a party for friends.
Ime children are rarely bridesmaids now, its usually friends of the bride.
I was looking back at old photos with my mum and wedding photos are a great visual record family members, weddings are also a good way keeping family bonds.
However its the bride and grooms day and what you choose to do 20 years ago is irrelevant , if they choose not to invite children then thats their choice. Your choice is either find childcare (which can be a pita) or decline invite.
But yes I was always a bit miffed if our DC werent included in family weddings, partly because they loved the experience of going a wedding and partly because childcare finding childcare was extremely difficult.

I have to disagree
When I grew up parents often paid for weddings, big family weddings with people you only see at weddings or funerals attended, parents had a massive say in who went and yes there were lots of kids.

Nowadays couples usually pay for the wedding (or all my friends did) which means they get to control who attends, why wouldn't you want friends there? Why invite a cousin and her kids you don't know as well / spend as much time with?
My group of friends with kids are always happy for a child free wedding, they get to have a day /night out as adults with friends

OP you are being a bit ridiculous about it but maybe the couple will be relieved you are declining if this is your attitude
You can pick your friends but ....

CleverLilViper · 23/04/2023 18:23

What does your wedding that happened 20 years ago have to do with it?

Just because you chose to have your wedding one way doesn't obligate your cousin to follow suit.

Her wedding, her choice. Equally, you can choose to decline the invitation but being furious that she's chosen how she wants her day to be is ridiculous.

WhatToDo2023 · 23/04/2023 18:24

I didn't have a child free wedding officially but was secretly grateful that everyone was sensible and chose to leave their kids at home. They're an annoying pain in the arse, require a whole (expensive) meal and parents will be too preoccupied with their offspring to join in on the dance floor/stay late.

TescoFinestMyArse · 23/04/2023 18:27

Please be a reverse.

Fucking hell the world doesn't revolved around your kids. It may for you, but it doesn't for others. Why should she put inviting her cousins kids over close friends to an intimate wedding?

Not everyone wants kids at weddings. Some do. Some don't. It's not a personal attack on you or your kids fgs.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 23/04/2023 18:28

I would rather have my friends at my wedding than other people's children. Perhaps fine to be disappointed if she is very close to your kids(?) Or if she has invited all other family kids and only left yours out. Each to their own and it is her wedding.

Allwelcone · 23/04/2023 18:28

1983Louise · 23/04/2023 18:16

You sound really arsey, I bet you cousin is really pleased you've declined, I would be.

Wow direct, mn hard core old school! I almost respect that

stepstepstep · 23/04/2023 18:30

Ha! I was the bride in this exact scenario 20 years ago - I had been my cousin’s bridesmaid but had to draw the line at my cousins’ children for my wedding because my family is huge and we’d only have been able to invite 12 friends between us if I’d invited everyone in the family (several of my cousins had children at that point). Her children were 15 at the time (plenty old enough to have a day on their own) but she threw her toys out of the pram & refused to come because they couldn’t be left on their own. She also guilt tripped some of my other cousins into not coming. Their loss & we got to invite lots more friends.

pictoosh · 23/04/2023 18:31

She can invite according to her wishes and you can say no.

We're not all the same. I'd have friends over relatives kids too. They factor far more in my life.
You're being rigid and silly. Decline by all means but there's no need to be furious.

IrregularChoiceFan · 23/04/2023 18:32

I assume op won't be returning. I really thought this was a reverse tbh!

JMSA · 23/04/2023 18:33

YABU.

InSpainTheRain · 23/04/2023 18:35

You really think that how you organised your wedding 20 years ago has any bearing on what your cousin does now? Maybe you are about to drip deed, maybe it's a reverse and there is other information you've not told us - but on the face of it you are totally unreasonable here.

TitoMojito · 23/04/2023 18:38

I would rather invite my friends to my wedding than some family children. What you did for your wedding two decades ago is irrelevant. You're being ridiculous.

But if you feel that strongly about it, don’t go. I doubt your cousin will care tbh.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 23/04/2023 18:39

WTFJanice · 23/04/2023 18:00

I smell a water-testing reverse.

I smell a shit-stirring drama llama... 🙄

Skybluepinky · 23/04/2023 18:40

Get over it, they have limited numbers and people they would rather invite than yr kids.

Lcb123 · 23/04/2023 18:41

Their wedding, their choice. Your reaction is a bit OTT. Assuming your kids aren’t breast feeding babies which is different

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/04/2023 18:49

Throwawayme · 23/04/2023 17:59

Up to your cousin. I'd rather invite close friends than my cousin's kids to a small wedding. You're unreasonable to be so annoyed

@Littlepicker

this ⬆️ OP
sums it up well

Original poster
Littlepicker · 23/04/2023 18:49

A what??

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepicker · 23/04/2023 18:50

Loads of my family? There are 20 of us including 4 children!

OP posts:
babyblueblanketlover · 23/04/2023 18:51

It's up to the couple getting married.

If you don't want to go, don't go

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 23/04/2023 18:52

With limited numbers, I would invite friends rather than my cousins kids. Especially is that cousin was really quite self righteous.

purplecorkheart · 23/04/2023 18:54

Does your cousin actually know your children? Do they spend time together?

Popfan · 23/04/2023 18:55

You are so so unreasonable. 20 is such a small wedding, of course they need to invite their friends rather than your children!

Original poster
Littlepicker · 23/04/2023 18:55

Wow! Just wow! I am gobsmacked at the amount of bitter nasty comments on here! It’s worrying that you people were able to reproduce. I’ve been called a cunt on this feed! I’m just glad I don’t know any of you personally. You strange bitter women! Last time I ever ask a reasonable question on mumsnet!!

OP posts:
WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 23/04/2023 18:56

Oh behave. My friends would always come before children of cousins!

Hbh17 · 23/04/2023 18:56

Friends before cousins every time, in my view. But, as everyone says, they can invite who they like!