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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you have ever felt an instant mutual sexual attraction to someone?

208 replies

Margot78 · 22/04/2023 22:32

Just wondering if people really experience this or whether it’s just in movies! I’m mid forties now so probably too late for me but just curious as to whether it does really happen!

OP posts:
Phoebo · 23/04/2023 07:29

Yep

dudsville · 23/04/2023 07:32

I never have. I sometimes wonder what would the world be like if we only ever married the proper flame. Many of us would never meet that person. It would certainly help crowd control! But I do love my life with my best friend and I'm glad to have found him.

Alleycat1 · 23/04/2023 07:36

Yes and it is a glorious thing! The few times I have slept with someone when the sexual attraction wasn't instant the sex was very mediocre.

Minervia · 23/04/2023 08:11

Yes, once in my twenties. He was golden, it was so hot. He wasn't the one - we didn't really get on that well. but he was the only one I've ever had that level of chemistry with. We lasted 3 years, which was probably 2.5 years too long but we literally couldn't stop. I haven't seen him for 20 years. I sometimes wonder if it was the same for him. Maybe he was like that with everyone or maybe it was some amazing chemical thing between just us, that's how I like to remember it but who knows

coolcahuna · 23/04/2023 08:20

Yes! Didn't last but will never forget the first time we met.

IForgotOurSong · 23/04/2023 08:23

Yes, at uni and I didn’t really give the person a proper chance as my head was elsewhere with somebody that actually didn’t care about me at all, I totally regret it.

Username24680 · 23/04/2023 08:42

Flowersun6 · 23/04/2023 07:27

Wise woman

Show quote history

@Flowersun6 Thank you! I does feel like one of my wiser life choices 😅

I’m glad to say that I no longer have the desire to do whatever he wants anytime he looks at me 🤣 we’re both happily married with DCs and bump into each other from time to time when he’s back in our hometown visiting family lol. It’s a much more civil coffee in the park with the OHs while the kids have a riot 🤣

Bumfluffs · 23/04/2023 08:57

Yes.. when I was 20 I met a guy who was 44. He was sexy, well spoken and handsome and the sex was out of this world.
We never ended up together but the sexual attraction was insane and I’ve never felt anything like it since x

Original poster
Margot78 · 23/04/2023 09:10

fryanddry · 22/04/2023 22:56

Yes , It was a co worker at a temp job and I was in a relationship at the time so it was kind of awkward!
He was very attractive he gave me butterflys 😳He kept finding excuses to touch me and talk to me, he asked me if I was single and I told him I wasn't and he backed off
He ended up leaving but I saw him a year later on the train and he gave me a big hug, I got butterflys all over again😭

He asked me if I was still with my boyfriend and I said yes and he said "I hope he is treating you right" and then we parted ways
Wish I got his number because my ex was cheating on me relentlessly, so much for being loyal
🙄I dont feel like that with everyone , its instant fireworks

Oh my goodness you have to find him! He must be on social media somewhere! LinkedIn is quite good for finding former work colleagues.

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 23/04/2023 09:17

Bloody hell yes. Still there 😂

polkadotdalmation · 23/04/2023 09:41

Yes, it's a stomach lurching type of thing, when everyone else in the room disappears

itshappened · 23/04/2023 09:50

Yes a couple of times.... one broke my heart and the other I resisted as wasn't single... to be honest I found the experiences overwhelming and obsessive, and whilst exciting I didn't like feeling so intensely about someone. But if either man walked into the room today many years later... I'm certain the attraction would be exactly the same!

Blamunge · 23/04/2023 09:56

Oh yes! Massive age gap unfortunately so there was no future in it. Then it happened a second time but we lived 3000 miles apart so again there was no future in it. It’s heartbreaking to click with someone like that and be unable to be with them, I don’t recommend it.

TearsforBeers · 23/04/2023 10:01

Yes!
We're now married.

I was mid 30's and DH was mid 40's

Happygirl79 · 23/04/2023 10:06

Yes. Once. Intense. Beautiful. But I didn't like him which sounds crazy.
I moved on and didn't look back. Nice to experience it though. There are far more important things in life than sexual chemistry as you get older.

HRTQueen · 23/04/2023 10:14

Yes and often when I was younger one I married and both of us felt this with others (he didn’t need to tell me I could read the signs) another was an on off relationship that became very emotionally damaging to me and a number of other times

the strongest mutual attraction I felt my knees buckle it was like a bolt of lightning he said something similar. . When we first went out we could talk we just sat there grinning and then he kissed me and I felt I had floated up into the clouds it was an amazing few months then just sort of fizzed out

last time it was a few years ago but feelings soon fizzled out but was enjoyable to feel that way again

HuggingtheHRT · 23/04/2023 10:28

But instant physical attraction/chemistry hasn’t meant long lasting relationships. Quite the opposite, in my case…

Would agree with this. The 'lightning bolt' attractions I've had always burned hot and fast. Conversely, have been with my DH for almost 25 years, still very happily attached, and it was definitely friendship and a slow burn first.

Ivanovaa · 23/04/2023 10:51

Oh yes. There was this Australian man I met while backpacking, I will never forget him. He was extremely good looking and the sexual tension was intense. I was already seeing my now husband at the time and resisted sleeping with him. I still regret that tbh.

Now that I’m married with kids it still happens. There is this school run dad I fancy, I can feel a strong sexual vibe even though we have hardly spoken. When living abroad the same thing happend with my friend’s husband. I would never act upon these but it is quite bizarre to feel this sudden and strong attraction to somebody. IMO you only feel this way is if is somehow mutual

AlltheFs · 23/04/2023 11:01

Yes twice.

Once when I was young, on holiday. Met him by the pool, less than 2 hours later at it like rabbits and for another 10 days. Never saw him again. Happy memories though.

Second time was in my late 20’s, met on a postgrad residential course, it was like a lightning bolt. Had a 2 year fling (not regular as we lived far apart)-he had a partner (not proud of that), but it was only sex, nothing emotional. He wasn’t a particularly nice person but the sex was absolutely instinctive. It was completely addictive.

Happily married now to my amazing DH, that’s a very different vibe though. Was more slow burn but is absolutely genuine.

No regrets though.

Behindtheback · 23/04/2023 11:13

Yes, quite a lot, and I didn’t sleep with all of them, but there were two that were absolutely unforgettable. And like others have said it can purely sexual with nothing else to build a relationship on.

DH was different -with him I had a really strong feeling of belonging or homecoming , that was even stronger than the sexual attraction. I knew we were going to be together for a long time.

But I’m careful to squash it as a married woman, and avoid men a fair bit.

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/04/2023 11:14

Yes, my husband.

OldTinHat · 23/04/2023 11:22

Yep. A guy came into where I worked with an enquiry and it was like being hit with a sledgehammer.

We got together and had an incredible summer until I moved away. He said his first thought when he saw me was the same as mine - I'm going to have her!

WoofWoofBeachLife · 23/04/2023 12:21

Yes yes yes! And he's now my Husband and we still have the 🔥
Never give up. I was married to a wet blanket for 23 years before I met my Husband x

AlwaysGinPlease · 23/04/2023 12:44

Yes. Many years ago before DH. He was gay it turns out was and the chap he was with was his husband but my god my legs nearly buckled.

bumblebreath · 23/04/2023 12:51

Yes! I met someone 2 weeks ago and it was like a lightning bolt. Never experiences it before. We live too far apart from each other to make a go of it but I absolutely would otherwise. Didn't think I could feel like that anymore at my age. I'm 45.

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