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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in tears over my nose?

346 replies

TheLostNights · 22/04/2023 18:21

I never let anyone take photos of me as I am a very ugly woman. But the thing that bothers me most is my nose. It is very long and pointy. DH took a photo of one of the kids the other day and my side profile is in it and my nose just looked horrific.
Perhaps foolishly, I googled ways to minimise it naturally like with make up etc but came across an article about a man with the world's longest nose. His was 8CM. Or just over. Measured mine just now from top to the bottom and it's just over 7CM. Which now makes me feel even worse. DH started shouting at me saying it's getting like an obsession but I just hate how freak like it makes me look. Everyone else looks beautiful or at least normal. I hate the fact that unless I have a nose job (which I can't afford ) then I am stuck looking like this.

OP posts:
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MiniOreo90 · 22/04/2023 18:24

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MiniOreo90 · 22/04/2023 18:24

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moonspiral · 22/04/2023 18:26

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Yes there was an ad for a bank which gave someone a boob job so I'd look into this

GU9 · 22/04/2023 18:28

Take out a loan or credit card. If it's making you this unhappy, change it.

are you sure it was 7cm!?

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 18:30

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 18:26

Yes there was an ad for a bank which gave someone a boob job so I'd look into this

Show quote history

Barclays that was it - they gave a transgender woman a loan for a boob job

blahblahblah1654 · 22/04/2023 18:31

Are you able to get a loan?

Nevermind31 · 22/04/2023 18:33

clearly your OH finds you attractive…

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 22/04/2023 18:34

I very much doubt that your perception of how you look is how others see you.

Photos are not an accurate representation of a person, they catch a specific angle in a certain light with none of the movement that real life gives to a face.

If it's something that really really bothers you then there are ways and means to fund a surgery, some health plans give a discount on cosmetic surgery I have a Vitality plan through work and would only have to pay 25% of the overall cost of certain cosmetic procedures, personal loans, pay monthly plans etc

The question is, do you really need it? Your husband obviously sees you as an attractive person and is frustrated by how much you put yourself down. Would counselling maybe be a better option to address your self esteem?

MMMarmite · 22/04/2023 18:34

You have a DH so you are clearly beautiful enough.

I would look into body dysmorphia. It's not healthy to obsess and be in tears about your appearance.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 22/04/2023 18:36

Op, ignore all of the horrible suggestions above.
I think there are two issues here.

  1. your self esteem. You describe your self as ugly. Can you take any steps to work on how you feel about yourself at all?
  2. If this upsets you so much then is it something you can have a proper discussion about with your husband whose job it is to support you and plan a wha forward.
Brightredtulips · 22/04/2023 18:36

My mum was obsessed about her nose, very self conscious about it. She broke it when young and was never fixed. She eventually took out a bank loan and had a nose job. She's so much more confident and happier now.

Whatadayyyy · 22/04/2023 18:36

When you say you measured from too to bottom, do you mean too as in the bit between your eyes down to the tip? Or the nostrils against your face straight out to the tip?

Spottycarousel · 22/04/2023 18:36

I understand how you feel. My nose is more on the round side but I've always hated it and have a real complex about having photos taken for that reason. It looks terrible in photos although marginally better in the mirror. I've been in tears over it before now and/or now and it doesn't help that people made unkind remarks about it when I was young.

I do accept it more now though. I am never going to be in a position to have a nose job and I wouldn't really want one anyway as I'd be scared about the risks. I know it sounds trite but there's a lot to be said for what's on the inside that counts. When I'm gone I like to think odd be remembered for who i was not my nose.

Your dh presumably loves you for who you are which is why hes getting so frustrated. Your nose is probably not as bad as you think it looks anyway. I know it's hard but acceptance is the best way forward. Not all of us are natural beauties and we all go downhill as we age anyway! What is inside will shine!

hastalavista · 22/04/2023 18:36

You must be attractive to some extent because you're married etc. Maybe u look nice as a package?
Also I saw something about some non invasive nose surgery which is very minor but can have a big impact. it was on a documentary with chelsea Healey called the truth about.....beauty etc.

Wellfedandfedup · 22/04/2023 18:37

You are in a bad place I don't think AIBU is for you. Are you sure of the length? I do see why some people want to have cosmetic surgery and am considering a very minor procedure myself but you must be very careful with the nose.

Rhinoplasty can completely change the face so you need a surgeon who will do a very subtle improvement. I am sure you are not a very ugly woman- I think you should work on improving your self worth before any surgery or you may be convinced you need more.

Greensleeves · 22/04/2023 18:39

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What the fuck is the matter with you?

Original poster
TheLostNights · 22/04/2023 18:40

When I measure the full length it's 6CM and a half. If I measure all the way down to the base so just under my lip, it's over 7-8 CM. Obviously it needs to be sorted. I feel disgusting .

OP posts:
Banjaxx · 22/04/2023 18:40

Wtf is up with the responses on here, ffs, you’re talking to someone who already has low self esteem and you’re straight on with take out a loan and get plastic surgery? Ffs… op no one is ugly, beauty is all a fucking illusion I’m no oil painting but I’ve made peace with that, if everyone confirmed to whatever the current fashions are for being attractive we would all look the same and life would be very fuckinh boring. You clearly have a DH who finds you attractive what else matters really? Make sure you are healthy and fulfilled in life and fuck anyone who’s going to judge you on appearances.

Createausername1970 · 22/04/2023 18:41

Well, your DH didn't think you were ugly. Are you possibly exaggerating the situation in your head?

I am not saying that you don't genuinely have a long nose, but before going ahead with expensive surgery, would you consider doing a bit of counselling, just to talk it through. Are you blaming everything that goes wrong on your nose and being ugly?

A lot of life's crap just happens, but if someone is feeling low anyway, then it's easy to get into the vicious circle of blaming yourself or an aspect of yourself for every negative thing.

Spending lots of money on surgery might help, but might make things worse if your expectations around the benefits of a shorter nose are not realised.

Just be sure before you do anything drastic or that can't be undone.

Uselesslyuseless · 22/04/2023 18:42

Can someone explain this to me? I don’t understand how posters that are THIS insecure end up in a relationship. How did you have the confidence to start dating, deal with sex, get married etc if your appearance reduces you to tears? Your nose isn’t holding you back from doing anything.

OhComeOn123 · 22/04/2023 18:42

Just want to say I know how you feel OP. I was bullied all through school because I had a big nose. I eventually had a full septorhinoplasty in 2016. It's still far from perfect.

catinboooots · 22/04/2023 18:44

I'm sure it's nowhere near as bad as you think. I quite like characterful noses!

Can you post a pic OP? X

LunaNorth · 22/04/2023 18:45

I’ve just measured mine - it’s exactly 7cm when I measure it like you did.

It’s a totally normal nose.

Pahpahpotato · 22/04/2023 18:47

I expect the person who judges your nose most harshly is you, by a country mile, but if it truly upsets you and affects your confidence in such a way, if I were you, I’d be looking into making surgery a workable option. Life’s too short and precious to waste feeling self conscious and insecure.

DojaPhat · 22/04/2023 18:48

Can you get a picture from google images of what kind of nose you have?

I can understand someone not liking their features but surely you've exaggerated the nose you have as it seems so prominent to you?

In any case if you don't like it and can afford to change it do so. Having work done is nothing to be ashamed of doing.