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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my nose?

346 replies

TheLostNights · 22/04/2023 18:21

I never let anyone take photos of me as I am a very ugly woman. But the thing that bothers me most is my nose. It is very long and pointy. DH took a photo of one of the kids the other day and my side profile is in it and my nose just looked horrific.
Perhaps foolishly, I googled ways to minimise it naturally like with make up etc but came across an article about a man with the world's longest nose. His was 8CM. Or just over. Measured mine just now from top to the bottom and it's just over 7CM. Which now makes me feel even worse. DH started shouting at me saying it's getting like an obsession but I just hate how freak like it makes me look. Everyone else looks beautiful or at least normal. I hate the fact that unless I have a nose job (which I can't afford ) then I am stuck looking like this.

OP posts:
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OlympicProcrastinator · 22/04/2023 20:03

I'm so sorry you feel this way about yourself, and that you've had some really unhelpful messages on here suggesting surgery. That's not the answer!

Except….it might be. It certainly was for me. I had the exact same problem. Cried at photos, had a huge complex. Had people tell me that surgery wasn’t the answer and I should learn to love myself as I am etc etc.

Well bugger that. I had it done 6 years ago and I wish I’d done it years ago. Complete game changer and I feel so much better for doing it.

It might not be the answer for everyone but let’s not pretend it isn’t a good option for many.

QueenoftheAngles · 22/04/2023 20:04

Rinkydinkydoodle · 22/04/2023 19:15

Hello! I have just measured. 7.5cm long. I sort of knew, my brother used to call me Concordia. He is impressively lacking in self awareness, his nose puts mine in the shade (it literally could, though mine could
also be a sundial)

My dad’s is 8cm, he could be a world record holder tbh, he used to get into fights about it (think Cyrano de Bergerac but just punching people in beer gardens instead of poetry under balconies).

I sometimes get a bit dismayed when I’m caught in profile in photos simply because I look like if I turn too fast I could easily stab someone in the eye. I can turn lights off with it, and turn the pages of a book. It was great when I was bfing.

I don’t know whether it’s despite or because of the Nose, but I’ve also met lots of people throughout my life who’ve told me I’m striking, distinguished, elegant, all that crap. Someone once told me it makes me look clever. But honestly, it’s not beautiful, you want to see this fucking undeniably huge nose of mine. I comfort myself it’s now all that’s holding my face up, like those triangular supports they put up on the facades of listed buildings while they work behind them 😂

I have always wished I had a more standard facial construction, so I can understand how you feel. It’s all jokes, but what you’re describing isn’t helping you right now. You don’t need fixing, I absolutely promise you, and I know without seeing you that your nose is not making you look disgusting or anything of the sort. Noses don’t make people ugly, they’re just one part of your shell, the luck of the cosmic draw - in fact, I’ve just realised I am drawn to people with strong noses.

But how you feel is important, of course it is. Has this sort of urgent need to have it fixed come on suddenly? Has anything else been changing about your appearance or in your life more generally?

Love this! I feel the same, when DD was born I seemed to transfer by obsession with my own nose onto worrying about hers before I realised I really had to get a grip before I gave her a complex so I’ve come to terms with it and although I still cringe at a profile shot it’s me and who I am. I also think it’s really really common to have negative feelings about your nose.

Someone at work had a nose job a few years ago. She has a “nicer” nose now but she wasn’t a happy person before and she certainly doesn’t seem any happier now.

NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs · 22/04/2023 20:04

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/04/2023 20:00

Your husband married you so I don't suppose he thinks you are ugly.

Carefull now, they are going to call you rude for saying this.

BingoLingFucker · 22/04/2023 20:04

I’ve just measured my (up to now what I considered a very normal) nose. It’s the same as yours.

Is there a chance you could have body dysmorphia? Sometimes if you focus on your perceived flaws you can’t see anything else.

I would explore that before considering surgery, which others here seem weirdly keen on.

AllIeveknewonlyou · 22/04/2023 20:05

Jennifer Grey (dirty dancing) has a nose job then afterwards regretted it as she said she didn't see her in the mirror.

You do need to talk to someone, have you got a good GP? Things seem worse at night, if you can, for now, try to do something which makes you feel happier.

As an aside all this nose measuring is confusing me. So on flat side of face from bridge to tip? Mine's quite big but I don't mind!

Snapfel · 22/04/2023 20:06

I have body dysmorphic disorder and you sound like you have too.i would seek therapy.

Dita73 · 22/04/2023 20:08

I got mine done when I was 21 and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done. Although my poor daughter inherited it. She got hers done last year and it cost me £8k

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 20:08

Wellfedandfedup · 22/04/2023 19:57

Oh fgs. They're trying to pay a compliment.

To OP but not to anyone else without a husband!

ladyofshertonabbas · 22/04/2023 20:09

It so t be as bad as you think, but get a loan, and get it fixed. You only have one life, this is causing you serious distress. Just don’t go to Turkey! Extra bonus, aesthetic is a chance for a long sleep when you have little kids.

Fenty1 · 22/04/2023 20:10

Just wanted to say that most people, and i definitely include myself in this, hate their side profile because its just not the side of us we see often.

GU9 · 22/04/2023 20:11

You're completely contradicting yourself.

You're telling people they aren't ugly because they have husbands, and then in the same post say 'ugly people do exist' and it's a taboo subject.

And no, I wasn't harassing you ffs. i posted a reply on that thread.

So no, I'm not twisting your words. You're doing that on your own.

why do you think a woman's attractiveness is measured on the number of shags they've had or if they're married? You seem fixated on it. It's really odd.

Wellfedandfedup · 22/04/2023 20:13

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 20:08

To OP but not to anyone else without a husband!

Yes they're trying to cheer the OP up. The thread is about her.

Straightsidedcircle · 22/04/2023 20:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Candymay · 22/04/2023 20:14

There was a girl on towie with a Roman nose. She was attractive anyway but the nose was absolutely what made her stunning. I noticed that she’s had a nose job and is just a generic pretty girl now. But no where near as stunning as she was.
princess Diana Erin Connor barbra striesand so many beautiful women have really strong noses. It’s a confidence thing. You need to own it.

moonspiral · 22/04/2023 20:14

Wellfedandfedup · 22/04/2023 20:13

Yes they're trying to cheer the OP up. The thread is about her.

No need to be rude to everyone else!

Iwasafool · 22/04/2023 20:14

Lilyhatesjaz · 22/04/2023 19:01

I just measured my very average nose out of interest and it is 6.5 to the tip and 7.5 to underneath so maybe your nose is not really so very big.
My best friend had a bump on her nose she was self conscious about but when she told me, it was something I had not even noticed.
The media and the Internet put a lot of pressure on us to look certain ways but really beauty is in the eye of the beholder and people are attractive in many different ways.

We have twin noses! I think my nose is normal, never had any indication it is unusual.

Candymay · 22/04/2023 20:15

I think the girl on towie was called fern. Great skin and fantastic Roman nose. Now a very uninteresting face after surgery.

EconomyClassRockstar · 22/04/2023 20:15

I am, probably completely unhelpfully, roaring my head off at the mental image of a bunch of people happily measuring their noses! I know I did...6.35cms. I don't think I have a bad nose at all!

I think this is less about the actual nose and more about your own self image, which can also be worked on.

spinachy · 22/04/2023 20:16

@TheLostNights

First off, I know exactly how you feel because I had a rhinoplasty at 25 - I inherited ny dads huge nose (which looks great on him, but I'm a tiny woman) and the hooked shape of my mums.

I realised around age 18 that I couldn't afford a nose job any time soon but also couldn't spend my life fixated on it. So I just accepted it and decided I'd get it fixed in the future. After saving throughout uni I spent £6000 on getting the surgery (I paid a lot more for one of the "top" surgeons - it doesn't have to be that expensive).

Honestly, having it done has had no real impact on my life in terms of how people treat me or romantic interest etc, which is interesting. It does make me very happy though Grin

I'm not sure if I'd bother at this point in my life, but equally maybe I would?

I HIGHLY doubt you have an abnormally large nose and have only just realised - suggest you check out some photos on plastic surgeons pages or on real self to see that noses come in a whole variety of shapes and sizes. There's also tons of examples of attractive confident women who don't have the classic "disney princess" nose.

Very happy to answer any questions if you have any!

CandlelightGlow · 22/04/2023 20:16

NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs · 22/04/2023 19:56

I haven’t.

I literally said sorry op is feeling the way she is.
Are you the one who harrassed me on the other thread, the only ONE!! I’ve talked about this before.

I’m not the one / been the one trivialising anyone, people have piled on me and told me it’s my fault I’m ugly and it’s a self-esteem issue. Lies all around.

I fonmt know why being a ugly woman is a taboo, but we exist. And we don’t get to have live or partners. Pretty and average one’s do, unless they choose not to. But they have offers, of course they are free to turn men down.
ugly one do not have this privilege.

But anyway, stop twisting my words.

Stop being an incel, it's incredibly toxic and self desctructive. It always paints a completely ridiculous picture of the prospects and lives of conventionally unattractive people.

Ugly people can and do have relationships, there have been ugly people forever and if you're really as ugly as you say, the chances are one or both of your parents were not oil paintings but clearly ended up finding somebody to have a baby with.

I'm not minimising your experience or claiming that you don't find yourself very unattractive. But that just does not in the real world correlate with no chance at finding fulfilling relationships.

I see your incel ideology and it's just not something that should be tolerated, sorry Flowers

Wiccan · 22/04/2023 20:16

Can I just point out to those saying "just get a nose job". Those who have body dysmorphia don't always have the disposable income of the Beverly Hills Housewives !

spinachy · 22/04/2023 20:17

Candymay · 22/04/2023 20:15

I think the girl on towie was called fern. Great skin and fantastic Roman nose. Now a very uninteresting face after surgery.

Agree with this! Lots of cookie cutter examples of the same nose shape when in reality profiles come in all shapes and sizes.

Alysia Reiner is absolutely gorgeous with her larger hooked nose.

FingerprintSheep · 22/04/2023 20:18

I have a question for you; how would you feel if one of your children said the same as you? Do you think your children are beautiful? If you continued to talk yourself down and your children look like you, how do you think they will grow up feeling about their own beautiful faces?

This is about your confidence and accepting yourself - your uniqueness, your personal beauty that no one else can replicate.

I saw a video on social media the other day of a woman who has a very strong, prominent Roman nose. She uses make up to enhance it. She is insanely proud of it, it’s her heritage, it’s her parentage, it’s her. She was so beautiful. Not beautiful except for her nose, just beautiful. She was full of confidence and was proud of herself.

who told you your nose was ugly? Who told you larger noses were ugly? Because fuck what society thinks. Society changes it’s mind all the time, one minute it’s so thin you’re skeletal, then it’s big bottoms, then it’s big breasts, tiny eyebrows, huge eyebrows, rounded cheeks then no fat in your cheeks. Your DH clearly finds you attractive. I think you need to talk to someone about body dysmorphia and your confidence and start from there. And don’t forget that the images we see every day are so doctored. Real people have differences, bits are bigger and smaller. I have tiny lips, they’re almost non existent. And I have a larger nose, a square head, no eyelids and big cheeks. Society will tell me all of those things are awful at some point and some days I feel down, but they’re also the things that make me, me. Look in the mirror and start telling yourself how beautiful you are. See yourself as one of your children. Tell yourself you love your nose, your eyes, your mouth. Do it every day. It starts off hard but it gets easier and your mindset starts to change.

shutthewindownow · 22/04/2023 20:18

I would have a nose job if it was making me so unhappy

Colourmylifewith · 22/04/2023 20:19

Cheryl Cole looked much better before her nose job, she was so beautiful before it abd looks more generic now
anyway, so whatever you feel will help op. Sorry you are struggling x