To be in tears over my nose?

[TheLostNights]

I never let anyone take photos of me as I am a very ugly woman. But the thing that bothers me most is my nose. It is very long and pointy. DH took a photo of one of the kids the other day and my side profile is in it and my nose just looked horrific.
Perhaps foolishly, I googled ways to minimise it naturally like with make up etc but came across an article about a man with the world's longest nose. His was 8CM. Or just over. Measured mine just now from top to the bottom and it's just over 7CM. Which now makes me feel even worse. DH started shouting at me saying it's getting like an obsession but I just hate how freak like it makes me look. Everyone else looks beautiful or at least normal. I hate the fact that unless I have a nose job (which I can't afford ) then I am stuck looking like this.

I get where you're coming from. I had mine altered. It isn't perfect but I felt less noticeable because of it. In hindsight though I would say others look at the whole. They don't fixate on one feature generally. Many beautiful people have prominent noses.

@NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs this thread isn't about you not finding a partner. It's about the OP feeling unhappy with her appearance.

Totally understand as I have been there and tbh sometimes still am, but what I will say is a nose job isn’t always the solution

I had a nosejob 2 years ago and I had an awful nose before, awful as in no one would even try to make me feel better and lie that it wasn’t - not even my mother or best friend or boyfriend! Had the surgery and yes it’s smaller overall, but still larger than normal and I can’t breathe as well and I have lumps and bumps that weren’t there before. People with really large noses often need more than one surgery sadly.

I am also part of a FB group with thousands of people and I would honestly say more than 50% of people are still unhappy with their nose or come out worse than they went in. I think the satisfaction rate is very low (lower than what they say it is) and the healing phase is extremely long, 18 months to 2 years to see true results. It’s also insanely expensive. I paid nearly 10k and that was 2 years ago.

I thought my nosejob would change my life and I would look so different but I genuinely dont. I look and feel exactly the same just with a bit of a smaller nose. I was that deluded I thought my long standing panic attacks and anxiety would go if my nose was smaller but I had the worst panic attack of my life after having my nosejob.

The only difference is now I look in the mirror and I don’t instantly obsess about how I would look better with a small nose. Not because I have one after the surgery - but because my surgery made me realise that even with a rhinoplasty I legit look the same and there’s not much more I can do. That sounds a bit depressing but I take it as a good thing and have just learnt to accept myself. Other things have more of an impact in my opinion, like makeup and a nice hairstyle and nice clothes to how we appear overall! X

GET A NOSE JOB!!!! Or filler, something!!!! Don't let this ruin the rest of ur life!! Cosmetic clinics offer credit, make it happen, for u!

I think the money would be better spent on counselling than surgery.

Would love to know the proportion of men who feel so negatively about their looks they resort to surgery compared to women. I don't know, but I very I could hazard an estimate.

Contrary to what society has taught us, a woman's existence isn't purely ornamental. We are not worthless if we don't have a particular shaped nose. It's depressing to read not just how shit people feel about themselves, based purely on something superficial, but lengths they'll go to rectify the 'problem' and the number of people advocating that.

Then you have your 'perfect' nose, someone else, some stranger in the street with low self esteem, sees you and feels a pile of shit about themselves and the cycle continues.

Who is winning? Plastic surgeons lining their pockets on the insecurities of others and the perpetuation of the idea that women are only valuable if they look a certain way.

What age did she grow into it roughly? Serious question? I know a ten year old who is really concious about hers ☹️

Please could I ask which Facebook group this is? My DN could really benefit from some of these perspectives

If someone else in the streets feels insecure because they've seen someone else with a smaller nose (they're not going to know if it's a 'fake' nose or not) then that's their problem.

IMO counselling can only do so much. I tried counselling 6 months before I had surgery. (Not on my nose) it's something I had that I could not change. Something that chemotherapy did and it destroyed a part of my body and I hated it with a passion. No amount of counselling would change that. If someone wants to change something that's their prerogative. I never thought once 'maybe I shouldn't get this done in case someone in the street will look at me and feel insecure.' If anyone said that to me, I would think well fuck whoever thinks what of me in the street (whether they're insecure because of me, OR the comments 'you can hardly notice it / you don't need it')

If it's done right, cosmetic surgery can change lives. I have a striking confidence I didn't have before. I love myself. I'm confident and happy in my mind and body. I deserve to love myself and think of myself worthy and beautiful. If surgery can give that to someone, go ahead!

If surgery will achieve that, then go for it. And don't for a Damn minute think about what other people think. I couldn't care less if I made someone else feel insecure because I wanted to fix something myself. I'm not about to keep my insecurities for other peoples benefit.

Plus, like rhinoplasties, with my surgery if done well, you wouldn't know it was done. Only immediate family knew what I had done, and my other family and friends didn't even notice. I just get the odd compliment years later which day 'your (insert surgery place' looks fab!'

Shall we stop wearing makeup or dying our hair now in case someone on the streets feels insecure because they're not wearing it that day?

No. Of course not.

I'm sorry I haven't read the whole thread so I hope it hasn't been said too many times or dismissed but.

There are so few truly truly ugly people in the world. And I believe those that meet the bar for true ugliness usually have some sort of disease or serious health condition. It's human instinct to avoid partners with those things so that makes sense. And yes, humans are designed to go for the most attractive mate they can find but as you can see from who fancies who what attracts us varies enormously.

The other thing I would say is can you look into why you feel this way? The reason I say this is because if you were bullied as a teen it can really stunt your emotional growth because it interferes with your developing brain. I was bullied relentlessly as a teen for my looks a I know I have issues round self esteem which I have learned mostly to manage buy know they never go completely away.

But here's the thing. I don't think many people are actually that ugly. If you drew a picture of me based on all the negative things ever said about my appearance in my teens you'd conclude I was deformed. Anyway was looking at old photos yesterday of my teens and was surprised how normal looking I was. Actually pretty in many ways. As we're all the other girls.in the photos who were also considered the ugly ones.

I have been variously called names for being a vain pretty bitch and a hideously ugly girl all my life. There's no consistency to those things but what is consistent is a cling and store the negative things if I am not careful.

I have one feature that is significantly bigger than average as well, but I wouldn't get surgery as would feel bad if my children inherited it.

I love her face.

I'm also beginning to want a longer nose. Mine's upturned. My SIL used to pick on me when I was young saying I had a bulbous nose. When older I realised it's her who has that not me!

If you can can you make a list of all the things you like about the way you look, even if they are small.

Eg nice feet
Soft hair
Ok elbows
Good dresser

Think about the compliments you have received and write them down. Try to reset the balance.

If someone else in the streets feels insecure because they've seen someone else with a smaller nose (they're not going to know if it's a 'fake' nose or not) then that's their problem.

Missing my point entirely, this is a societal problem because we are conditioned to believe women should look a certain way to be worth something. Women willing to put themselves through surgery to buy into that is perpetuating the cycle.

Reconstructive surgery is completely different and of course counselling would be different because it is linked to a highly traumatic life event, not 'I don't like my nose'.

It's obvious it's so much more than 'i don't like my nose' with the OP. She is in tears about it, going to lengths like measuring her nose and googling pictures of people with big noses to compare herself too. That's traumatic enough for the OP.

We shouldn't condition ourselves to live with things that are bothering us so much that we cry and cry over it, when there are means of ways to change it, because we're 'lining the pockets of the surgeons.' Well yes, we are paying for a service. That's what they're there for. We don't know if the OPs nose was caused by a break or an injury. Would that be traumatic enough to change it?

There doesn't need to be a traumatic reason or event to change something you don't like. And you absolutely shouldn't not change it in case someone on the street then feels insecure.

It's obvious it's so much more than 'i don't like my nose' with the OP. She is in tears about it, going to lengths like measuring her nose and googling pictures of people with big noses to compare herself too. That's traumatic enough for the OP.

Well yes, that points to low self-esteem that would be better addressed by other means than surgery IMO.

another beautiful lady to channel en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stefania_Spampinato
I love how she does skinny and flat chested very well too. Beour!

Whereas a comment like this amply demonstrates your intellectual prowess...

@seperatedmum beour very much sounds like phwaor!!

@BeautifulWar I saw a saying along the lines of that when a beautiful woman looks in the mirror she sees all her flaws, an average man looks and sees Brad Pitt.

@NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs we need your own thread to come and chat!

@TheLostNights hope you feel a bit better today and recognise it's not just your nose.

Huh?! That's not big!

The world record is 7.5 INCHES! And the longest nose on a person living is 8.8cm which is from bridge to tip, so you are no way near that!

I bet it doesn't look awful at all! It's just something you've become paranoid about.

I was just watching the Cobra Kai episode (season 1) last night where Sensei calls the kids by their predominant features. The kid with the "lip" then goes and gets himself a Mohawk so then his name becomes Hawk and not Lip.

So go get yourself a Mohawk!
Or get a penis tattooed on your forehead.
Or wear very low tops so no one ever makes eye contact.

It's good to be different. I'm really tall and tower over my friends. Taller than lots of my male friends too! I used to hate it but then realised I quite like being unique. In heels I'm really tall and couldn't care less when people stare or comment.

I also used to have short hair and was in a queue for a club when I was younger, and the guy in front of me turned round and made some rude remark about me looking like a man. I responded by saying "yes, I see how you could be mistaken - your moobs are almost the size of my boobs. What size bra are you wearing?" His mates were pissing themselves laughing and he looked mortified.

Just embrace who you are. What does it matter what people think?! If people are that narrow minded to judge you on something you didn't choose, then they're not your sort of people so who cares!??!

Not at all , it's an honest question .
How does someone's features make them look Intelligent ?.

But she doesn't have a big nose? It's small and upturned, not big and crooked/hooked.

Oh OK. 😊 I think I was referring the lady's overall countenance and the impression she gave, obviously the nose is just one feature within that composition. I thought she looked intelligent and interesting, I didn't for one moment look at her and think, "Ooh, that's a big nose".

Pressed too soon.

I think it's often the expression and particularly the eyes that we form an instant impression from, which we all do. I suppose it stems from times when we had to judge quickly whether somebody was a friend or a threat?

Think about the compliments you have received and write them down.

What compliments?
From who?

Err general compliments. Presumably her husband and kids occasionally say something nice.
It doesn't have to be looks based but I'd be amazed if her husband never says anything nice.