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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my nose?

346 replies

TheLostNights · 22/04/2023 18:21

I never let anyone take photos of me as I am a very ugly woman. But the thing that bothers me most is my nose. It is very long and pointy. DH took a photo of one of the kids the other day and my side profile is in it and my nose just looked horrific.
Perhaps foolishly, I googled ways to minimise it naturally like with make up etc but came across an article about a man with the world's longest nose. His was 8CM. Or just over. Measured mine just now from top to the bottom and it's just over 7CM. Which now makes me feel even worse. DH started shouting at me saying it's getting like an obsession but I just hate how freak like it makes me look. Everyone else looks beautiful or at least normal. I hate the fact that unless I have a nose job (which I can't afford ) then I am stuck looking like this.

OP posts:
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hereiamagainn · 22/04/2023 19:10

I’m afraid yes, YABU.
Nobody else cares about your nose. Everybody who knows you has already seen it and presumably they didn't run away in horror. Do YOU give a flying fart about the size and shape of your friends’ ears, fingers etc?

Some people have big birth marks on their faces, some have burns or scars, some have a feature they wish they could change, like you do. For other people, it’s their height, voice, teeth, size or skin that bother them. You have hangups just like everyone else, and none of them matter at the end of the day. It is possible to be too focused on looks. Do you mix in circles where people are overly hung up on aesthetics?

Time to grow up, accept it and move on I’m afraid xx

SlippySarah · 22/04/2023 19:12

Saying its OK because "DH finds you attractive" is not helpful. Self esteem is bigger than one person and a good marriage is not based on looks. I think counselling would be a good start OP.

Newnamenewname109870 · 22/04/2023 19:12

Is it like this? Because I actually think that’s quite attractive and unique.

To be in tears over my nose?
TheLostNights · 22/04/2023 19:12

@LaurieFairyCake I just measured it as other OP's have unfortunately.

OP posts:
CandlelightGlow · 22/04/2023 19:13

My only practical and proper suggestion would be to go online and look into the concept of body neutrality.

Body neutrality teaches us to basically stop judging and valuing our appearance based on either good or bad looks. No "love yourself, you're beautiful!", it's about appreciating what your body actually is, does, and can do, outside of physical appearance.

I find practicing this at times to be really cathartic and life affirming.

Casilero · 22/04/2023 19:14

CandlelightGlow · 22/04/2023 19:09

I'm so confused. The man with the world's longest ever nose had a nose of 19cm.

I saw pictures of another man and he looked like a perfectly normal not bad looking dude?

What is it about the length that would automatically correlate with it's unattractiveness?

I googled woman with Roman Nose and there are loads of absolute stunners out there.

You're married and had children. I can promise you you're not ugly but nothing anyone says will change this until you have some counselling I think Flowers

You are not ugly.

You do not need plastic surgery.

Even if you were ugly, you would be worthy of love and affection and living life.

You're right! I just googled too and his was 7.5 INCHES not cm.

OP do you think you might have body dysphoria? Maybe therapy would help because you can't spend your life hating yourself so much x

LunaNorth · 22/04/2023 19:14

I have the world’s biggest girl crush on Camille Cottin, who plays Andrea in Call My Agent, and she has an amazing Roman nose. Stunning. It makes her.

TwoFluffyDogsOnMyBed · 22/04/2023 19:14

I’ve got a big nose (same shape as Tom Cruise - Roman I think) and people are always telling me that I’m pretty. I think it’s partly because I smile a lot (I don’t have straight teeth either!) and I always wear makeup.

GaspingGekko · 22/04/2023 19:14

OP the measurement is just to the tip - just watched the guinness record video. Your 6.5cm to the tip really doesn't sound all that out of the ordinary.
Thing is though, once we start obssessing about any one part of us it's hard to step back and see that other people don't see us like that. They see us as all our features together. Your husband obviously loves you and finds you attractive. Maybe you need to talk to someone about how to stop thinking so much about your nose.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 22/04/2023 19:14

Time to grow up, accept it and move on I’m afraid xx

That's really rude. It bothers OP. It really doesn't matter if it doesn't bother anyone else, it bothers her. It's not about growing up at all. OP I would suggest speaking to a therapist, there are some great therapists that you can talk to, before any kind of plastic surgery it should be recommended anyway. It's good to talk about your feelings.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 22/04/2023 19:15

Hello! I have just measured. 7.5cm long. I sort of knew, my brother used to call me Concordia. He is impressively lacking in self awareness, his nose puts mine in the shade (it literally could, though mine could
also be a sundial)

My dad’s is 8cm, he could be a world record holder tbh, he used to get into fights about it (think Cyrano de Bergerac but just punching people in beer gardens instead of poetry under balconies).

I sometimes get a bit dismayed when I’m caught in profile in photos simply because I look like if I turn too fast I could easily stab someone in the eye. I can turn lights off with it, and turn the pages of a book. It was great when I was bfing.

I don’t know whether it’s despite or because of the Nose, but I’ve also met lots of people throughout my life who’ve told me I’m striking, distinguished, elegant, all that crap. Someone once told me it makes me look clever. But honestly, it’s not beautiful, you want to see this fucking undeniably huge nose of mine. I comfort myself it’s now all that’s holding my face up, like those triangular supports they put up on the facades of listed buildings while they work behind them 😂

I have always wished I had a more standard facial construction, so I can understand how you feel. It’s all jokes, but what you’re describing isn’t helping you right now. You don’t need fixing, I absolutely promise you, and I know without seeing you that your nose is not making you look disgusting or anything of the sort. Noses don’t make people ugly, they’re just one part of your shell, the luck of the cosmic draw - in fact, I’ve just realised I am drawn to people with strong noses.

But how you feel is important, of course it is. Has this sort of urgent need to have it fixed come on suddenly? Has anything else been changing about your appearance or in your life more generally?

ShowUs · 22/04/2023 19:15

The majority of people feel they have a big nose as it’s stuck on the front of the face.

For now I would continue to wear make up to minimise it and then I would find a way to save up for a nose job.
Could you get a second job?

In the nicest way no one will care about your nose and this is just in your head but I don’t think that’s going to make any difference to the way you feel.

toodlesofoodles · 22/04/2023 19:16

Ugliness comes from the inside. I have never met a person who is not "good looking" by conventional standards but who are lovely people and thought they were ugly.

I have met many people who would be perceived as "good looking" by conventional standards who are horrible, selfish people and they are, quite frankly, very unattractive.

That being said, if it is making you so unhappy I would say it's worth speaking to someone about how you feel and if you then decide surgery is for you and it would make your life better then do it.

I had a baby very young and my once perky boobs went to shit. I was single and it made me feel absolutely awful about myself, I couldn't form relationships as I hated my body so much it put me off getting close to anyone. I wouldn't go on holiday as I didn't want to be seen in a bikini and struggled with clothes. I had a breast lift and it gave me my confidence back. It was not a decision taken lightly but for me it was absolutely the right one.

GoodChat · 22/04/2023 19:17

OP maybe you could have a consultation with regards to a nose job.
They'll be able to give you all of the pros and cons. I'm sure they'll also show you pictures of much worse - then you can make an educated decision.

Posting the size alone won't help anyone know how you look as it depends on all your other proportions etc.

I don't think many noses look great from a side profile.

Createausername1970 · 22/04/2023 19:17

LunaNorth · 22/04/2023 19:04

Some people enjoy being mean on the internet, OP.

Sadly, short of a frontal lobotomy, there’s no surgery that will fix that.

This.

I would not wear skirts with bare legs as a teenager because I was so embarrassed about a birth mark on my calf. I remember lying on a beach in jeans, boiling hot and very uncomfortable, when everyone around me was in shorts. I don't know when I stopped being bothered about it, but I wear skirts and cropped trousers all the time in the summer now and have done for years. NOT ONE person has ever mentioned it - ever. It's about 1.5 cm long and hardly noticeable.

CandlelightGlow · 22/04/2023 19:22

Roman noses also look AMAZING from the front btw!

InSpainTheRain · 22/04/2023 19:24

I'd say if it bothers you that much get a nose job! I used to have a lump on my forehead (nothing cancerous, always had it, funny enough my mum had the same too). When I was 50 I had enough spare money to have it removed - I love the fact I've had it done. No more trying to hide it behind hair or my hand, no more hats pulled down. Wish I'd done it years ago. If you want it done then start a fund and look into loans.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/04/2023 19:25

Yep, you've nailed it

The biggest nose is in INCHES not centimetres

Your nose is NORMAL OP

NameChangedSoYouDontKnowHowBrokenMyHeartIs · 22/04/2023 19:27

I’m sorry you’re feeling down about your looks.
But I promise you, you can’t be ugly.
Ugly women don’t get to have husbands, they just don’t.
Again, sorry you feel this way, but man wanting to be with you is a proof you are pretty.

My3cents1 · 22/04/2023 19:29

F THAT NOISE! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL❤️

Suzi888 · 22/04/2023 19:30

Whatever it is, if it’s making you unhappy and surgery could fix it, I’d go ahead and see a consultant personally.

Nobody knows what your nose looks like or can judge either way and it doesn’t matter.
Only your thoughts matter, how unhappy you are etc.

bunnybunnybunnybunny · 22/04/2023 19:30

My nose measures the same as yours. It's also similar in shape to Barbara Streisand's.

I can't say it's ever particularly bothered me or anyone else. I love the fact that it makes me strikingly attractive rather than just pretty. Even better, it sets me apart from the crowd. Men have always commented on it, and never in a derogatory way either.

Have never considered getting it fixed because I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Also, noses grow as we age. Indeed, mine has which means that even if I would have had it reduced once, I would have had to have a second procedure.

Learn to love yourself for who you are.

DebbieElsden · 22/04/2023 19:31

Barbara Streisand has a big nose and she is considered beautiful. x