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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take this job despite negative impact on DC?

241 replies

MumGuilt3000 · 22/04/2023 08:42

NC for this as have also posted elsewhere and apologies for slightly dramatic title, I don't really think this would be detrimental to DC per se, I just couldn't think of a better way to word it!

I'm currently on mat leave with 1 yo DC, due to return at the end of May. I like my job in the sense that I love my colleagues, but the quality of work is crap and things have apparently changed a lot since I've been on mat leave. Targets have gone up, pay has not increased relatively and expectations are generally getting bigger without much in return. I've been wanting to move on for some time, but the pandemic and then pregnancy put that all on hold for a while.

I've been looking for a new job for a while but nothing suitable has come up. I've agreed 3 days a week on my return with my current employer and in the office once or twice a week. Overall they're pretty flexible about how and when I work, so long as client needs are met - along with targets.

Last week a potential new role came up which would be a huge payrise (think £30k FTE) with better benefits and very similar targets and expectations. Also a huge improvement in quality of work. It's also comforting because I know someone who works there and I'm confident I'd be happy there because she is and I know her personality. They're happy for me to start on 3 or 4 days BUT the catch is they'd want me to go full time from September.

This wasn't the plan - DC is going to nursery 3 days a week and I thought this would be the perfect balance for us. However, this is a really great opportunity and given the huge improvements in all areas of the job, I feel I'd be really stupid to miss out. At the same time, I feel so guilty for putting DC into nursery full time and missing so much time with them when they're so little. It's likely they'll be an only child and I worry I'd regret the decision later on. I'd be in the office 2 days a week and I'd be out of the house from 7.30-7.30 at least on those days, so basically won't see DC.

Now I know I'm incredibly privileged to be in this position and many people have no choice but to work full time and utilise full time childcare, so this post isn't meant to be insensitive and I certainly don't judge anyone who puts their DC in full time, but this wasn't what I'd planned for.

So, AIBU to go for a new role which would make a huge difference to both my career and our finances, even though it would mean DC being in FT childcare, rather than 3 days a week?

OP posts:
Original poster
MumGuilt3000 · 22/04/2023 08:49

Should also add that nursery have confirmed availability for extra days if necessary....

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 22/04/2023 08:55

Could your partner drop a day?

When I went back to work after maternity leave I went back 3 days a week as mentally I wanted more days at home with DS than I did to be at work

if you changed jobs would you have to pay back any enhanced maternity pay?

Twizbe · 22/04/2023 08:55

I went back full time after my eldest and in many ways I think it was better than part time.

My DC likes structure and routine so that suited him a lot. He liked his caregivers.

It forced DH and I to work as a team. Both working full time in 'big jobs' meant we had to split the pick ups and drop offs, sick days etc.

We worked together to make sure all chores were done in the week (and we hired a cleaner) so that weekends could be spent on family / individual recharge time.

I don't regret full time at all. Even better than you're getting to work up to full time so can settle in a bit first.

bluebird3 · 22/04/2023 08:56

I think it depends on the availability of jobs in your field. I'd personally want to do 3 days until DC was at school so I'd wait another 3is years. However if the job is so rare that it's unlikely to come up again in the next few years then that would be hard to pass up.

Setyoufree · 22/04/2023 09:11

I'd definitely get a cleaner and you'll need to be very organized at the weekends e.g. batch cook for the week ahead etc. but it's very doable.

I second the comment above, if there's any chance of your partner going 4 days a week it could help a lot?

You'll need to be working as a team, does your partner understand the impact on them and their need to be fully taking 50% of the load?

Original poster
MumGuilt3000 · 22/04/2023 09:22

To answer questions...

No, no enhanced mat pay to pay back (another bone of contention with current role!) And yes DH fully understands and is excellent with DC and splitting the load. There is the possibility he could drop a day, but it isn't a given and isn't necessarily a desirable option at any rate. However his work is flexible so he will ne able to do more than his share of pick ups, drop offs and sick days. Will definitely hire a cleaner, we had one previously but post pandemic it was no longer working for us.

3 day a week jobs are vanishingly rare in my profession. 4 days is quite common. There is a specific reason they'd want me full time from September, but it is in theory possible I could drop back down to 4 days after a year. It may also be possible to do 4 days over 5, I need to ask them on Monday.

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 22/04/2023 09:25

Go for it. It sounds like it's the best choice in the long run and potential for future PT is a good one.

Why isn't it desirable for your H to drop down a day?

afterdropshock · 22/04/2023 09:33

I wouldn't but many would. I have been in similar positions and always opted for part time as long as the kids were in primary school. Work life balance is much more important to me than money, unless you really need that money.

raincamepouringdown · 22/04/2023 09:35

I'd go for it and see if your DH can drop down to 4 days.

I'd also push for a 4 day week if there's any chance of getting it.

Original poster
MumGuilt3000 · 22/04/2023 09:40

@SquishyGloopyBum there's a fairly long term concern about redundancy and this would impact on redundancy pay.

OP posts:
KarmaStar · 22/04/2023 09:42

Hi op
If you don't need the money I would definitely suggest you don't take this job.
The baby years pass very quickly and those are very long hours,you will hardly see your dc and what was the point of having her then returning to work and not spending these special early years with her when they change so quickly?
I wish I had had the choice you have,I had no choice whatsoever.
Even my home was tied to my job.I missed out on so much,as did my dc.
There is nothing to stop you taking up other opportunities in the future,a couple of years will fly by.
With this being your only dc,enjoy this special time.💐

SquishyGloopyBum · 22/04/2023 09:44

I don't think that's a good reason to not look at it more seriously op.

Plus if he's at risk then surely you having a good job will be a plus.

Sunnysidegold · 22/04/2023 09:47

I think you need to firm up the possiblity of doing four days after a year, or doing compressed hours.

I know a couple who both work four days - he has Monday off and she has Friday - it sounded like a really good situation in that it gave them time to do fun stuff with kids but also get house organised for / after the weekend!

I think you should go for the new job - being satisfied in a role will make you feel better about your career and the pay will benefit your family. Only you can weigh up the pros and cons for your individual situation, but to me it sounds like it would be too good an opportunity to pass up on.

Lavenderlaze · 22/04/2023 09:52

SquishyGloopyBum · 22/04/2023 09:44

I don't think that's a good reason to not look at it more seriously op.

Plus if he's at risk then surely you having a good job will be a plus.

I disagree on this point. If there is a genuine risk if redundancy I would be cautious about making any changes that could really impact the exit package.

toomuchlaundry · 22/04/2023 09:53

One thing you will also need to think about is the first few months at nursery is bug central, your little one will be off sick and one of you will need to be at home looking after them and then likelihood you will then get whatever they had, and rinse and repeat. How would that fit in with old/new/DH’s job

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 22/04/2023 09:54

I wouldn’t do it. I stuck with part time. That’s been hard enough

GoodChat · 22/04/2023 09:55

If you're only going to be out of the home for 2 long days a week I'd go for it, personally.

I'd be considering the long term benefits.

YellowGreenBlue · 22/04/2023 09:57

I'd go for it OP. It sounds like your current job would be a bit of a nightmare, you may not get an opportunity like this again.

Catapultaway · 22/04/2023 09:57

KarmaStar · 22/04/2023 09:42

Hi op
If you don't need the money I would definitely suggest you don't take this job.
The baby years pass very quickly and those are very long hours,you will hardly see your dc and what was the point of having her then returning to work and not spending these special early years with her when they change so quickly?
I wish I had had the choice you have,I had no choice whatsoever.
Even my home was tied to my job.I missed out on so much,as did my dc.
There is nothing to stop you taking up other opportunities in the future,a couple of years will fly by.
With this being your only dc,enjoy this special time.💐

Well that's not insulting to working mothers at all 🤔

OP, go for it if it's something you think you will enjoy and find rewarding. Trust me, there is still plenty of time to see your kid and work full time. Millions do it with no negative impact on themselves or their child.

bluedomino · 22/04/2023 09:58

Think of your pension. Imagine your life if you and your partner split up. Would he have a full pension while you have a smaller pension as you stayed home to care for your child. Whatever your decision make sure your pension is protected and if you have to go 3 day then your partner helps to ensure extra payments are made to make your pension full time equivalent.

Isthisexpected · 22/04/2023 10:03

Personally I think it's really sad when parents make the decision to put their babies in full time childcare unless absolutely necessary. You'll only see your child briefly every day and then spend Saturday doing chores and being exhausted so have little quality time together. You won't be there for so many of the little things that full time working parents miss. So many of your baby's "firsts" will happen at nursery.

Look at the threads on here - there are so many from exhausted full time working parents asking how to cope/is everyone else this tired etc.

GoodChat · 22/04/2023 10:05

Isthisexpected · 22/04/2023 10:03

Personally I think it's really sad when parents make the decision to put their babies in full time childcare unless absolutely necessary. You'll only see your child briefly every day and then spend Saturday doing chores and being exhausted so have little quality time together. You won't be there for so many of the little things that full time working parents miss. So many of your baby's "firsts" will happen at nursery.

Look at the threads on here - there are so many from exhausted full time working parents asking how to cope/is everyone else this tired etc.

An extra 30k a year is a whole extra salary for a family. Think about how many opportunities that'll open up for them through their lives.

We both work full time and have a great work/life balance.

OP will only be doing 2 days in the office.

Skybluepinky · 22/04/2023 10:11

Send yr child to a childminder for the extra days so they benefit from the home from home experience, rather than being institutionalised from a young age.

BKingso · 22/04/2023 10:14

Twizbe · 22/04/2023 08:55

I went back full time after my eldest and in many ways I think it was better than part time.

My DC likes structure and routine so that suited him a lot. He liked his caregivers.

It forced DH and I to work as a team. Both working full time in 'big jobs' meant we had to split the pick ups and drop offs, sick days etc.

We worked together to make sure all chores were done in the week (and we hired a cleaner) so that weekends could be spent on family / individual recharge time.

I don't regret full time at all. Even better than you're getting to work up to full time so can settle in a bit first.

We did this too and it was great. DC absolutely thrived with a great set up between a nursery and childminder and a day a week grandparents.

BKingso · 22/04/2023 10:16

Isthisexpected · 22/04/2023 10:03

Personally I think it's really sad when parents make the decision to put their babies in full time childcare unless absolutely necessary. You'll only see your child briefly every day and then spend Saturday doing chores and being exhausted so have little quality time together. You won't be there for so many of the little things that full time working parents miss. So many of your baby's "firsts" will happen at nursery.

Look at the threads on here - there are so many from exhausted full time working parents asking how to cope/is everyone else this tired etc.

This is absolutely not how it went and how it felt. I think this is what people imagine when they are worrying about it.