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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

771 replies

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:34

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

OP posts:
Iminthemoneylife · 20/04/2023 17:37

They are saving guarding your children. They have yet to see them and what you are saying them doesn’t add up. You say you’re ill but your on a train and then you have back to back meetings to the extent you can’t make a 30
second phone call but you can look after ill young children at the same time. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did a home visit.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:39

I didn’t say I was ill I said I’d been ill.

Im not looking after young children at home while I work. What made you think that?

They can visit all they want I won’t be letting them in. This is my home and it’s a dump from moving I am retaining my right to privacy.

OP posts:
Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:40

Just because you can’t read a post properly it doesn’t mean it ‘doesn’t add up’.

OP posts:
Reugny · 20/04/2023 17:42

Thing is OP when people, regardless of age, don't turn up for their first day and then first week of school/college/work/whatever then people are more concerned with their well-being than if they were already there.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:44

They have COVID. Should I have sent them in?

OP posts:
Hesma · 20/04/2023 17:45

They have a duty of care to safeguard the children. It’s the law, like it or not. You maybe a good, responsible parent but sadly some people aren’t.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 20/04/2023 17:45

Sounds like quite a few English schools. I guess in an area where there are plenty of available school places they are extra aware of ofsted inspections who will look at what they are doing about attendance.

Colourmylifewith · 20/04/2023 17:46

They maybe want to be prepared to initiate them into school on their first day and are trying to plan for it?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 20/04/2023 17:46

They've really got your back up haven't they? Try and not take it personally - a lot of parents send their sick dc back too early. Perhaps they're not used to people being so cautious.

I wonder if maybe they've had their arses kicked recently for a safeguarding failure and are being a bit more zealous as a result. Or if because you are new and they don't know you.

Bottom line is: they have the children's interests at heart.

sillysmiles · 20/04/2023 17:46

You say you’re ill but your on a train and then you have back to back meetings to the extent you can’t make a 30
second phone call but you can look after ill young children at the same time.

She was ill, and the kids were at home being looked after by their father.

Regardless of what virus they have, they have a viral infection resulting in D&V and high fever and a cough. Going to school, a new school, as their first week while sick is a terrible idea.

@MytosisIs can you ring the school and say you wont be sending them until Monday and you will contact them if something changes in the meantime?

DibbleDooDah · 20/04/2023 17:46

I wouldn’t keep them off for covid these days (to be honest I wouldn’t even test and this goes with government advice), BUT I would if they were poorly with it - temperature, hacking cough, diarrhoea and vomiting etc.

Covid is now endemic so many thousands catch it daily in the same way as any other virus - they just don’t know it.

Perhaps the school are worried you are keeping them off unnecessarily? Are you just saying “covid” or are you telling them specific symptoms (which is more likely to shut them up)?

(I would hasten to add that I would, of course, test if I was going to visit a care home or hospital, or was worried in any way).

SilverGlitterBaubles · 20/04/2023 17:46

I get your frustration OP but they are following safeguarding rules. While you might be genuine there are others who are not and it is the school that is in trouble if they fail to spot a problem where a child might be at risk.

Gasketcracker · 20/04/2023 17:47

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:39

I didn’t say I was ill I said I’d been ill.

Im not looking after young children at home while I work. What made you think that?

They can visit all they want I won’t be letting them in. This is my home and it’s a dump from moving I am retaining my right to privacy.

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

This bit reads as if you're working from home, if your husband is on a plane.

As others have said, it's safeguarding - especially as a new family to the school.

Howdoyou · 20/04/2023 17:50

I think this is safeguarding tbh, I can see why your situation seems dodgy to them. Your DC were supposed to start school and haven’t turned up not just for one or two days but the whole week. They then call you and you’re out and about. They’ll be worried you’re hiding the kids away.

LlynTegid · 20/04/2023 17:53

I'm glad you have kept your children at home because of Covid. I expect the school would be criticised if they did not make contact.

MillieMollieMandy1 · 20/04/2023 17:54

Why are you so cross about this OP? - the school is doing its job..and your response is to think about moving them to another school.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 20/04/2023 17:55

It’s for safeguarding. Your kids haven’t attended school, they don’t know your situation or the people involved. I imagine this situation is a bit of a red flag. You know you’re not lying but tbh they don’t and should be checking up

ChickenDhansak82 · 20/04/2023 17:57

Kids don't turn up to a new school...

The school have a duty of care to find out where they are, and keep following it up, as they don't know you as a family and need to make sure the children are not at risk.

If you had been at the school for a while and the kids had good attendance then this wouldn't be the case.

It's a safeguarding thing.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:00

Why would I lie about them being ill?

OP posts:
Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:01

I told them where they are and why they’re off.

Im astounded at the implication is that sending two very sick children in is better than keeping them off just because it’s their first week. It would be a safeguarding issue to make them suffer through school IMO.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/04/2023 18:01

There are parents who change schools without any intention of actually attending - unfortunately, it can be something done to try and throw safeguarding/attendance staff off the scent and, until your DC arrive at the school, there is nothing to demonstrate that this isn't the case. They are also, as a result, likely to visit for safe and well checks where they need to at least have sight of the DC. A refusal to allow them to see the DC (even if just from a window) is a factor that could/should be of concern to them. They're required to follow up by law, rather than shrug their shoulders and say 'oh, OK then, we won't show any interest until they're in the building' or to take them off roll the moment you say 'I've changed my mind because you asked if they were OK'.

Once they are at the school and attending, it will be fine and your children will benefit from the importance they place upon safeguarding. Withdrawing them because the school are seeking to safeguard them from the first day they were would be at the very least, a considerable over reaction. And it wouldn't stop them contacting you - they have to until the local authority takes over enquiries and advises they can be removed from the register or they arrive at another school.

Just call in each day and engage with them - they're not doing this to piss you off, they're doing it because a) it's the right thing to do to protect children from the moment they are on roll and b) the law requires them to do so.

Fairislefandango · 20/04/2023 18:02

They have COVID. Should I have sent them in?

No, of course not. You are not in the wrong, but neither are they. It's no doubt understandably very irritating from your pov. I'd find it irritating too. But your dc have not yet turned up to their new school and the school will be wondering if just maybe there's something odd going on. You are no doubt a ssnsible, caring parent with nothing dodgy going on. But schools encounter plenty of parents who aren't like that, so they have to check things out. It's their job.

Sirzy · 20/04/2023 18:02

I think the fact they are between schools makes it all the more important from a safeguarding pov that they monitor things.

sadly children do slip through the net and it’s times like this that increase the risk.

the school don’t know you yet so are right to keep a close eye on things

sillysmiles · 20/04/2023 18:03

Just call in each day and engage with them

Is this normal in UK schools?

Createausername1970 · 20/04/2023 18:03

Howdoyou · 20/04/2023 17:50

I think this is safeguarding tbh, I can see why your situation seems dodgy to them. Your DC were supposed to start school and haven’t turned up not just for one or two days but the whole week. They then call you and you’re out and about. They’ll be worried you’re hiding the kids away.

100% this. Safeguarding in schools is a big issue and this will be raising red flags, unfortunately. You couldn't have sent them in if they are ill though.

They may do an unannounced home visit. Seems overkill when you know you are a responsible adult and your kids are safe, but they don't know that. The one time they don't do anything is the one time there is a tragic outcome.

If they are feeling better tomorrow, could you or your DH take them into the school at some point, just so they can be seen. Maybe you could ask if there are any reading books they could take home to read over the weekend? Jump through a few hoops and show a bit of parental willing.

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