To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

If you look at it from the schools point of view though. A lot of abuse and neglect went unnoticed over lockdowns with children out of school. There was an increase in child deaths. So school's need to identify the children who are at risk. If you've nothing to hide it's best to work with them not against them. Hope they are better soon.

It's safeguarding. If your children aren't in school, they will become CME and it's the schools job to check they are okay and safe.

Also from a logistical standpoint, they will need to make sure everything is ready for your children's first day so they will need to know the date. It isn't like a normal child having time off as your children are new starters

@MytosisIs MytosisIs

Re finance. Just a guess. Seems education has got seriously corporate with CEO's and the like. Big focus on money, on education, not so much.

It is a bit confusing though.

You said DH was on a plane, but he isn’t/ wasn’t. You didn’t mention before that your mum was looking after them, so it’s not surprising people are questioning.

Schools are really hot on safeguarding now and rightly so. Your children are unwell, but, as many have said, they don’t really know you, so you don’t have the home/ school relationship yet. Hopefully, they’ll be well by Monday and be able to start the term off, albeit a bit late.

You don't get it do you.

The school doesn't know you from Adam. Your children have failed to attend for their entire first week.

They have no way of telling whether this is genuine or whether they should be concerned. They don't know you or your family situation.

You're also coming across as very hostile in your dealing with them. Another red flag.

Because if the default position was to believe everything a parent said, there would be many more instances of child abuse slipping through the net. I appreciate that's not what's happening here, but the school can't just take your word for it.

Sorry what - when did I say my DH wasn’t on a plane?!

And I didn’t mention my mum til asked as I didn’t think o needed to post every nano detail of my life

You're being very aggressive in your responses to posters who aren't agreeing with you or asking for clarification.

I read that as meaning OP's husband was on a plane, but OP didn't bother to tell the school that as it wasn't relevant. However, she explained that fact to MN because MN's massed amateur sleuths would have been demanding to know why he couldn't ring. Therefore no lies involved.

I think yanbu op. I think the school are being very heavy handed. Might be worth trying to get hold of their safeguarding and sickness policies to see if they're actually following them or if someone has got a bit carried away. Is it the head or the office you're speaking to?

My dd missed the first week of reception because she had chicken pox. I rang once at the start of the week and I'd have thought they were crazy if they'd rung me everyday.

I'd understand this level of phone call if you were 2 weeks into this sickness period or spinning some odd and unlikely tale but nothing you've put seems to justify this.

No, I’ve said I get it from safeguarding perspective but it’s annoying when people make things up and post nonsense about what I’ve said.

This 100% @NowZeusHasLainWithLeda

Did you say to school I'm at work. They are at home with my mum

If not they will wonder , as we did if dh on plane - who had kids

If they are still poorly /suffering after 5 days then onv don't send them in

If they are just a bit cold /snotty do

As life has to continue with covid

Yes, this.

YANBU, OP. I agree with other posters that the school have more reason to be cautious about believing you because they do not yet have any sort of relationship with you. But there is nothing about the way they are following up that would help them safeguard the kids if you were lying. And their hostility and assumption of bad faith inherent in the way they are following up will sour your relationship with them if you are telling the truth. What they’re doing in this case doesn’t seem to be effective safeguarding, it seems more like box ticking and, presumably, an attempt to make it more uncomfortable for you to keep your kids off school (whether they are sick or not) in the hope that it will mean they get more kids coming to school (whether they are sick or not).

That seems to me to be pretty understandable, given the amount of wilful misinterpretation of OP's posts that is going on. This happens time and again on MN, people half-read a post then jump in with all sorts of criticisms and queries which could all be avoided with a bit of basic comprehension.

@violetskypurple

She's not lying, she just didn't tell the school at the time, but mentioned it here.

What the op means is that she didn't tell the school her dh was on a plane (even though he was) but she mentioned it on here to avoid ppl then asking..."why didn't your dh call that morning if you were too busy?"

Yanbu, op.
It would annoy me too, especially as you're calling every morning to update them, so they shouldn't need to then follow up later in the day every single day.

I'd rather a school that was bothered about their pupils to be honest. I'm not sure why you're taking it so personally, it is unusual to have a week off to be honest and as it's their first week makes sense they're being cautious. You know you're telling the truth and it's not like they've reported you or anything, they don't know anything about you at this point and their priority is the children.

I think a week off school is unusual, not normal when mine were in primary, OK pre-covid but it wouldn't have been a common occurance at all.

You don't seem to be recognising that there are parents who lie about illness and schools have to be aware of that

So, in your words, you told the school that your husband WAS on a plane. You, meanwhile, were so busy you couldn't telephone them.
Let's have a think.
Is school thinking "well, he's not really on a plane, and really the nan is looking after them, so all good, OR are they thinking "this is all sounding very fishy. Yesterday she was on a train and the husband was looking after them. Today he's on a plane and she's very very busy. Who is looking after these children?"

You told us you lied to them about the plane. They, from what you gave said, believed your lie (why wouldn't they?) so asked you who was taking care of your two sick children.

Love, frankly, your excuses, lies and confused messages to the school are raising more red flags than not sending them in ever did.

(deputy safeguarding lead here)

Did you say to school I'm at work. They are at home with my mum

Yes

If not they will wonder , as we did if dh on plane - who had kids

I didn’t mention where DH Was. They didn’t ask.

Re COVID - they are still positive (yes I am testing, I still have the right to take charge of my children’s health despite whatever the school say) and still ill. Better than Sunday but not well enough to go to school.

Yes. In my experience it is.

People like you really really make me cross op.

The school are trying to safeguard for children.

As I'm sure you must be aware, there are many tragic instances of child abuse.

This does look weird. Of course it does.

Schools can't fucking win. How very dare they question someone so clearly very important.

Just answer their questions and be nice and try to understand they have the interest of your children and others at heart.

Let’s hope you apply better reading comprehension and analysis to your deputy safeguarding responsibilities.

You and your family are an unknown.

From the school's perspective they've decided they'd rather risk annoying you than taking your absence reporting at face value.

I do think though that you're being seen suspiciously because covid isn't making headlines anymore aside from ordinary safeguarding. There seems to be disbelief that people can still catch it, that people still test when they're ill just in case and that people who catch it can be very ill. I had it recently and it battered me.

Also the official government guidance in Wales is that covid positive children still attend school if well enough. If it's similar where you are this could also be driving the enthusiasm with which the school are chasing you up. I had to be explicit about why my daughter was off with covid because of this (very ill, very high temperature).

Hope your children feel better soon and have a good start to school.

Good lord.

Her DH was on a plane. She did not mention her DH’s whereabouts to the school. She told MN that her DH was on a plane.

No lies.

I hope you’re not in sole charge of investigations if you jump to erroneous conclusions like this.