To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

I’m with you OP - this is ott - with the D&V alone you’d expect the school to say “please keep them home for 48 hours once they’ve stopped

I do recognise that, I’m saying it’s frustrating when I know I’m NOT one of those parents, to be treated like one. When I’m just trying to do the right thing by my kids and others (it’s not like I want them home sick!!)

YABU normal safeguarding procedure. Best get used to the procedures they use or move schools/homeschool if you don't like it.

OMG 😂 will you please acknowledge the at I HAVEN’T lied to them about the plane. And I didn’t mention to the school that DH was on a plane.

OP, I suspect it doesn’t help that both of your children have been off sick ever since they were due to join the school. It could have raised eyebrows that they’ve both been off all week and neither have recovered yet.

Become sometimes parents do. One parent I know lied about their child being ill and they'd taken them on a protest!!

Don't take it personally. The school are quite rightfully doing their job to protect children.

They may test positive for 14 days. Will you keep them off till then ?

If they are generally ok and not raging temps or hacking coughs then send them in

Love, frankly, your excuses, lies and confused messages to the school are raising more red flags than not sending them in ever did.

Love, your reading comprehension fails you.

No lies, no excuses, just YOU wilfully misinterpreting my posts despite saying a number of posts ago that I didn’t lie about the plane.

Are you going to acknowledge that, love ?

It might be frustrating, but your frustration should be aimed at the parents who neglect and abuse their children, meaning that schools have to put heavy handed safeguarding procedures in place.

School doesn’t know you, the actions you’re taking could be taken by an abusive parent to cover up abuse and look exactly the same from the school’s end of the telephone. It’s just coincidental and unfortunate, but it’s not unreasonable of school.

What exactly ‘looks weird’? That I’ve kept my sick kids off school?

Fair enough they need to be shit got on safeguarding but I’m utterly baffled at people saying I’m a red flag because I’ve kept my kids off school. In my eyes it the decent thing to do!!

It's not OTT.

The school do not know this family and BOTH children are off ill.

For all the school know the parents might have taken the kids off for FGM, on holiday etc...

The school have a duty of care to make sure they are genuinely ill and nothing else.

Let’s hope so! How embarrassing

But also the reading comprehension of some posters on here is atrocious, masses of wilful misinterpretation!

The mother says they have COVID and are very sick. Not impossible but pretty unusual these days. Could be ok, could be an excuse to not send them in and therefore a safeguarding issue. We don't know. We don't know these people, but we have, thank God, protocols in place.

The major hole in all that is: if the parents wanted to conceal abuse, why enrol the children at all? Why go to all the trouble of taking the children for a taster day last term and drawing the family to the school's attention?

Mother calls us from a train. We wonder who is looking after these very sick children. We ask ourselves again are they safe? We don't know So we ask. To make sure it's not a safeguarding issue. We don't know these people.

Would you wonder that if the father called, @NowZeusHasLainWithLeda? Or would you make an assumption that they would be OK as they must have been left with their mother whose work is obviously less important?

Mother can't find time to ring school. Says she has back to back meetings. Again, we wonder who is looking after the very sick children. (if we knew what MN does, that at the time the father who was looking after them the previous day was on a plane and therefore not looking after them and the mother was in back to back meetings, then our red flag got redder)

Why would you wonder that when you know they have a father around and didn't know he was on a plane? Mother has phoned conscientiously every day this week in accordance with your protocols, today she emailed and then returned a phone call from you. Although you spoke to her, you didn't actually ask her who was looking after the children., so clearly your red flag wasn't waving that redly in relation to who was looking after them. Instead you asked about the illness you'd already been told about, a known illness which you know can have some very nasty effects.

Are you safeguarding, or being over-intrusive and insensitive?

I’m saying it’s frustrating when I know I’m NOT one of those parents, to be treated like one

When you’ve got a relationship with the school then they won’t treat you like ‘one of those parents’. But at the moment, as you’re a stranger to them, they’ve really got no choice. Try to be good-humoured about it.

'I’m saying it’s frustrating when I know I’m NOT one of those parents, to be treated like one'

I would be absolutely fine with being treated like this. In fact, it would make me happy. Happy in the knowledge that this school try to protect their pupils. I would never ever be an arsehole about it, because that is exactly what makes the person at the other end of the phone getting paid NMW think 'fuck this, I don't bother next time.'

If you have nothing to hide then why on earth would you not allow a home visit? It is to keep children safe - are you also one of these people who, when the death of a child is reported, immediately asks why nobody did anything sooner? Schools (and many work places) absolutely expect you to go in even if you have covid, rightly or wrongly that won't be seen as a reasonable excuse. The only reason my children's school really accepts for illness is D&V and even then they expect an update. I do think a week off is quite a lot for the vast majority of illnesses too, it's not that common to have that long off.

You are new to the school, we've just had the Easter holidays and while you might not think about it - some children are kept off for a week while bruises fade, or until they can walk without grimacing. Some children don't have lovely family celebrations - they have horrific, nightmarish lives that many adults couldn't comprehend and that is why schools are always on high alert.

Well they do live on the same house, so not very suspicious really. When one of us is all it’s inevitable we all get ill

You know that. The school don’t.

even with families that school do know well they will still ask questions and log things because it’s dangerous to assume because you know someone they are “safe”

I know I am not one of those parents, I know school know to the best of their ability I’m not one of those parents. I also know that there have been things that rightly will have been flagged on the system so it could be flagged further if it was needed.

safeguarding is about protecting the most vulnerable in society. Schools work day in and day out with the most vulnerable

They’ll go in when they’re better.

There's safeguarding and then there is being utterly ridiculous.

They may be required to phone but there's no need for the fussing about how long they have been ill.

One of my kids had an appointment that I emailed about and sent them a copy of the letter. They were made aware a couple of days before.

I got a text on the day saying

"X has not arrived for school, please can you update us"

He's 5! He's not a teenager wagging it

As in: when they’re well I’ll stop testing

Well, if your communication with school is anything like this:

"I didn't tell them he was on a plane. I just told Mumsnet that to avoid the question about why he couldn't ring"

Then I think you'll understand why I was confused. That tells me, you didn't tell school he was on a plane (because he wasn't) I told MN he was (it's the "just") to stop MN asking who was looking after the kids.

Now we've clarified he was on a plane, it would be all the more reason for them to ask who was with the children. Except school didn't know he was on a plane....

It's all a bit Schrödinger really.

You're clearly not getting it.

Imagine you're the head teacher.

You have two siblings starting at your school, both of whom don't turn up, and the parent says they are both sick. As you know nothing at all about the family, do you just take the parents word for it, or do you make sure the children are safe and genuinely ill.

Just say it's another family, and the parent says their ill, but instead the two daughters have been flown abroad for FGM, but the school just took the mum's word that they were ill and didn't phone again. It would cost the headteacher their job and there would be a HUGE safeguarding audit.

Just accept it is a safeguarding thing and entirely necessary to protect children. Nothing personal.

Also I'm sorry but you can't tell who is 'one of those parents' - they often come across as very lovely, well mannered, educated and friendly in public. Nobody knows what happens behind closed doors.