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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

771 replies

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:34

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

OP posts:
SchoolQuestionnaire · 20/04/2023 18:04

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:00

Why would I lie about them being ill?

You obviously aren’t but plenty of neglectful parents just can’t be arsed to get their kids to school. Others who are abusive might keep them home until bruising or marks subside.

You aren’t doing any of this and your kids are just poorly but the school don’t know you or the kids and some parents do lie. They have to follow this up and they are doing absolutely the right thing in my book.

Questionquestionqu · 20/04/2023 18:05

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:00

Why would I lie about them being ill?

The school don't know you and your children, because you are new. That's why the old school and new school differ.
You obviously aren't lying about them being ill, but some parents would lie, in order to take them on holiday, or maybe because they are anxious and don't want their children to be away from them, or, v rarely, because they or someone else are abusing their children and they want to cover it up.

That is why they want to know about your children. That's their job.

Hellocatshome · 20/04/2023 18:05

This is a huge red flag for all the reasons stated above and if you have been annoyed with them on the phone as is coming across in this thread they will ne rightly worried that something is amiss and it would be negligent of them not to follow up their concerns.

ImNotAsThinkAsYouDrunkIAm · 20/04/2023 18:07

Jeez OP, it’s not personal, they don’t know you! What they have is children who have been enrolled in their school who they have never seen who the parent is saying are ill- and who are ill for longer than most children are with covid. Can you really not see, bearing in mind the recent truly horrible cases in the news of children who died at the hands of their parents, who had not been attending school and who had therefore not drawn the attention of any outside agency, why there might be safeguarding processes that they need to follow to try to prevent that sort of thing? They don’t know you from Adam, so why would they not follow process just because you’re pissed off that they might not believe you?

Lostinalibrary · 20/04/2023 18:07

This has more red flags than coronation bunting. Moving to avoid the scrutiny will just make it worse - many parents who are safeguarding risks try this.

Mamapiggywig · 20/04/2023 18:07

This isn’t safeguarding this is harassment . I would be calling a meeting to discuss this ridiculous constant calling approach. The kids have Covid?! Ffs.

cartoontree · 20/04/2023 18:07

I don’t think they are saying you should send them in in case they are ill. They are following safeguarding guidelines to ensure the kids aren’t say on their own, or not actually ill and at risk of abuse or neglect, especially as there have been children in the news lately that didn’t return to school after lockdown and it turned out they were neglected or abused. They aren’t saying you’re wrong. They’re just checking in and need to ensure children don’t go missing or off the radar.

Mamapiggywig · 20/04/2023 18:09

oddly if the kids were home schooled they could do bugger all , all day everyday , and no one from education would bat an eyelid

Spottycarousel · 20/04/2023 18:10

You're not being unreasonable at all. This would really annoy me to be honest. I know times have changed and it's a long time since I had a school aged child but honestly I think it's completely ott. I get the Safeguarding but surely a phonecard sfter 3 days or so - assuming theyve been told about the d&d - is enough. Questioning yours and your kids whereabouts while you are at work just seems really off to me.

itsjustnotok · 20/04/2023 18:11

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:01

I told them where they are and why they’re off.

Im astounded at the implication is that sending two very sick children in is better than keeping them off just because it’s their first week. It would be a safeguarding issue to make them suffer through school IMO.

OP you don’t seem to be getting it. You know they have covid and that they are ill. The school don’t. They haven’t met your children at school yet and it’s been a week. You might be a great parent but there are plenty around who aren’t. Kids get missed and fly under the radar, we are quick to bitch about the authorities when they get it wrong, they are checking in and I can’t say I blame them. They are looking out for the kids and ensuring their school have done all they should. I get it’s annoying for you to feel like they don’t believe you…they don’t know you! They are looking out for your kids.

Plumbear2 · 20/04/2023 18:13

If this was my child's school someone would have called at your house after 3 days.

Iminthemoneylife · 20/04/2023 18:14

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:39

I didn’t say I was ill I said I’d been ill.

Im not looking after young children at home while I work. What made you think that?

They can visit all they want I won’t be letting them in. This is my home and it’s a dump from moving I am retaining my right to privacy.

The fact you said DH was on a plane and you were in back to back meetings. Unless someone else is looking after the kids which you haven’t mentioned.

Lostinalibrary · 20/04/2023 18:15

Abuse is at its highest over the holidays. An abused child is most likely to have time off after the holidays to allow bruises to fade and memories (I know they don’t). Where I live, the at risk families regularly change schools to avoid safeguarding. It doesn’t work and schools who have new children will be more alert- they don’t know you.

Moving to another school will make your problem worse.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 20/04/2023 18:15

Mamapiggywig · 20/04/2023 18:07

This isn’t safeguarding this is harassment . I would be calling a meeting to discuss this ridiculous constant calling approach. The kids have Covid?! Ffs.

Don't be ridiculous.

ShannonMcFarland · 20/04/2023 18:17

You sound very defensive. They're trying to safeguard your children. Most parents would be glad to see that.

henchhen · 20/04/2023 18:19

OP why are you so defensive. Surely it's a five min max chat once a day

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:19

sillysmiles · 20/04/2023 18:03

Just call in each day and engage with them

Is this normal in UK schools?

It wasn’t in DC’s last school and in fact they were over zealous about keeping sick kids off.

OP posts:
henchhen · 20/04/2023 18:21

Presumably because it was the height of Covid when they were at the other school. I know Covid is still around and your dc have it but they don't recommend testing anymore and isolating like they did before

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 20/04/2023 18:22

Iminthemoneylife · 20/04/2023 17:37

They are saving guarding your children. They have yet to see them and what you are saying them doesn’t add up. You say you’re ill but your on a train and then you have back to back meetings to the extent you can’t make a 30
second phone call but you can look after ill young children at the same time. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did a home visit.

You obviously can’t read, where did she says SHE was ill?

Oysterbabe · 20/04/2023 18:23

5 days is a really long time for children to be off sick. Have they seen a doctor if they are suffering so badly? Most children feel mildly ill for about 1 day.

ImNotAsThinkAsYouDrunkIAm · 20/04/2023 18:24

Lostinalibrary · 20/04/2023 18:15

Abuse is at its highest over the holidays. An abused child is most likely to have time off after the holidays to allow bruises to fade and memories (I know they don’t). Where I live, the at risk families regularly change schools to avoid safeguarding. It doesn’t work and schools who have new children will be more alert- they don’t know you.

Moving to another school will make your problem worse.

@MytosisIs are you reading any of the previous posts?

Try this one, since it seems you missed it.

You are not dealing with your children’s previous school. The current school has never met your children, and honestly, you are behaving exactly like an abusive parent would.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 20/04/2023 18:24

First rule of safeguarding. Is the child safe now?

Both new students don't turn up when expected. Are they safe? We don't know.

Could be they're both sick, could be a safeguarding issue.

The mother says they have COVID and are very sick. Not impossible but pretty unusual these days. Could be ok, could be an excuse to not send them in and therefore a safeguarding issue. We don't know. We don't know these people, but we have, thank God, protocols in place.

Mother calls us from a train. We wonder who is looking after these very sick children. We ask ourselves again are they safe? We don't know So we ask. To make sure it's not a safeguarding issue. We don't know these people.

Mother can't find time to ring school. Says she has back to back meetings. Again, we wonder who is looking after the very sick children. (if we knew what MN does, that at the time the father who was looking after them the previous day was on a plane and therefore not looking after them and the mother was in back to back meetings, then our red flag got redder)

We don't know if your children are safe OP. It's as simple as that and it's our job. To find out.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:24

Lostinalibrary · 20/04/2023 18:07

This has more red flags than coronation bunting. Moving to avoid the scrutiny will just make it worse - many parents who are safeguarding risks try this.

What red flags? I’ve kept my sick children off school?

FWIW they have met the kids, we came for a look around and they had a ‘taster’ morning on the last day of last term

OP posts:
violetskypurple · 20/04/2023 18:25

They're just doing their jobs. It might be annoying for you but it's better to be OTT than to ignore it and potentially be ignoring abuse.

Did you tell them you had back to back meetings and DH was on a plane? They might ask again who's looking after them?

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:25

Mamapiggywig · 20/04/2023 18:07

This isn’t safeguarding this is harassment . I would be calling a meeting to discuss this ridiculous constant calling approach. The kids have Covid?! Ffs.

TBH it’s the asking me if I’ve left the kids home alone that really pissed me off - absolutely ridiculous.

OP posts:
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