To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

I’ve elaborated. This would be an urgent safeguarding issue in all the schools I’ve worked in. By moving - you’ll make it even worse.

That’s exactly it.

Totally OTT rather than just accepting the kids are ill.

They’ve been in communications with their old school too (I think handovers have to be mandatory as old school sent them reports, efc) where there were no concerns so it does seem OTT

Yes I would be annoyed too especially the implication they were home alone

Yanbu

It might seem rediculous to you but schools deal with a wide range of parents some of which would think leaving two poorly children home alone was perfectly fine. Not everyone has the same standards.

But I don’t think a week off school is a massive red flag - my kids have been off for a week before when very ill, I’m sure most kids have

But it happens. People do leave young kids at home alone. Most wouldn't, but they don't know if you're one of the negligent ones or not.

You may not know what is recorded on their safeguarding systems. This could be part of a bigger picture. Your tone and threats to move their school would be major red flags too.

My mum (who has also had COVID, we were all away together over Easter) looked after them as I really needed to be in work.

But a week off school for both children when they are supposed to be starting a new school is.

they don’t know you. They are trying to ensure your children are safe.

Well I’m not glad to be made to repeat what I’ve already told them, rang in the middle of my working day and to have someone blab sexist drivel about who could possible be looking after them.

Nobody would be glad about this

Keeping my kids off sick is abusive

Because lying about the dc being ill is exactly what abusive parents do, to keep them at home whilst the bruises fade. I can’t believe you’re so naive as to not understand that?

There’s a sizeable number of kids who disappear through the cracks in the system, especially when they leave a school. Don’t take it personally.

No I didn’t say he was on a plane, I just told MN that to avoid the ‘why couldn’t DH have rang’ question

It’s an urgent safeguarding issue when a child is sick and kept off? Really?

OP you are being deliberately obtuse.

"AIBU?"

"Yes"

"No I'm not"

Why bother posting if you're just arguing with everyone who's trying to explain to you the school are just doing their jobs?

Can you imagine if there was a child actually
being abused at your child's school, had just moved schools and not come in for the first week, mum keeps not answering calls and the school are suspicious but they don't do anything as they don't want to annoy the mum? That would be ridiculous,

I obviously haven’t said that to them, I said it to MN 🙄 I also haven’t been defensive to them, I’ve been fine except when I was told I shouldn’t have tested them, and when they asked if I’d left them at home I was annoyed.

I think I would say,'ok, fine, you win, the children will be in tomorrow,' send them in regardless. They can deal with sick kids. Turn off the phone.

Who are the parents' school staff or the actual parents? I get the safeguarding aspect, but even so.

Incidently, years ago, sick kids took a note in on their return, there was no notifying daily, and parents weren't called to pick up ill kids. Huge numbers of parents didn't have home phones! Schools had to deal with it. If they want 💯 attendance, kids in school, regardless of illness, etc, they can crack on.

Op perhaps listen to the people on here who have experience of safeguarding from the other side of the picture.

you know everyone is safe in your house. Sadly those who work in roles involving any level of safeguarding know that’s not the case in every house, and actually it’s not the case is a scary number of houses. As annoying as it is to you just be pleased that your children are going to be attending a school who take safeguarding of pupils seriously.

Why do you think I haven’t answered any calls?

It is when they haven't seen the kids when expected to and Mum is so bloody defensive over normal safeguarding procedures that have been developed precisely because parents can and do neglect and abuse their children under the guise of them being ill.

Ok, so that answers my question, you’re not reading anything.

I said you’re behaving exactly like an abusive parent would. How exactly is the school supposed to know you are telling the truth and your children are sick?

The previous poster explained clearly why abused children are often kept off after holidays, and why abusive parents move their children’s schools.

But you clearly have decided that you prefer to be outraged rather than listen to the many people explaining why this is perfectly normal process, and why the process exists, so you crack on.

I half knew where you were coming from until you said this, what an odd thing to lie about

Nothing YOU are doing is a safeguarding issue. But for another family, the fact that they haven't appeared in their new school might be the first sign that something is very amiss. The school has a duty to check up on that. Please understand that if they come to visit, it's to check that the children are there and alive, and that what you've told them is the truth. They don't know you (and even if they did, they might still check up, because we sometimes have to think the unthinkable just in case that turns out to be the case).