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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

771 replies

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:34

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

OP posts:
Dutch1e · 20/04/2023 18:37

I completely understand your frustration OP, and it can be easy to lose sight of how many little kids are very badly hurt every day, by their own parents. It's also easy to lose sight of the fact that you and the school both want the same thing (healthy happy kids with plenty of people watching out for them).

Despite the house being a tip after moving, could you see your way clear to invite someone from the school over for a quick visit? Everyone's got off on the wrong foot and a 10 minute cuppa/chat can resolve so much.

Theunamedcat · 20/04/2023 18:37

"You don't SOUND like your at home" I have a garden.....

Schools can go a bit nuts about attendance I had a worker from the school "pop" in to check on ds because he had chicken pox I said OK he showed her his spots she rang them and said I've seen him he is ill just because he got sick AFTER the holiday so they hadn't seen him for over a week during covid they stopped the checks I suggested a drive by wave if they needed to see them but I literally live five doors away from a staff member and she could hear them playing "quietly" so they were confident they were ok

It's just safeguarding

queenofthewild · 20/04/2023 18:37

There was a case a little while ago when a mother had been too unwell to take their child to school. The mother took a turn for the worse and added away and her child starved to death as the school/nursery hadn't been in regular contact.

Schools are obliged to make daily contact with absent children's parents for this reason. It's not personal, it's just a duty of care.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:37

How exactly is the school supposed to know you are telling the truth and your children are sick?

Why would the default position be to assume I’m lying?! That’s what I can’t get my head around.

OP posts:
Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:38

Colourmylifewith · 20/04/2023 18:36

I half knew where you were coming from until you said this, what an odd thing to lie about

Show quote history

What lie have I told??

OP posts:
violetskypurple · 20/04/2023 18:38

Why do you think I haven’t answered any calls?

You've already said why on here but they don't know that do they? They don't know that you're telling the truth..

I really couldn't get worked up about them safeguarding children. They might have seen this situation before with a child who actually was being abused and they're making sure it doesn't happen again.

Would you rather they didn't care? And potentially ignored abuse just to not annoy some parents?

PrimoPiatti · 20/04/2023 18:38

Any chance that school income is based on attendance....?

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:39

For the record, I DO get it now from the safeguarding perspective but can you understand it’s annoying to be lumped in with “but some families” abuse when all I’m trying to do is keep two poorly children off school? And being spoken to like a naughty child on the phone when, from my perspective, I’m protecting them and everyone?

OP posts:
eatdrinkandbemerry · 20/04/2023 18:39

Most schools are clamping down on attendance so don't feel singled out x
It's annoying I agree and so unnecessary x

Sosadsolangafter · 20/04/2023 18:40

I don't personally think your are being unreasonable, and it would annoy me too.

Strawberrydelight78 · 20/04/2023 18:40

They will be just being over cautious. My ex had a daughter before I met him. She often used to keep her off school because she couldn't be bothered to take her. When she got a bit older social services organised a taxi to take her to school and back.

Gazelda · 20/04/2023 18:40

You seen determined not to see this from the pov that many posters have suggested.

You and your family are new to the school. They don't know what a wonderful parent you are. They don't know that your DH is on hand and able to arrange his day to be at home with the kids. They don't know that daily calls from you seems to get your back up.

They are doing their job. They are checking in on a new family. They are checking they the DC have care in place while you are out at work.

They're doing their job and you're criticising them for it.

Sheesh.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:40

queenofthewild · 20/04/2023 18:37

There was a case a little while ago when a mother had been too unwell to take their child to school. The mother took a turn for the worse and added away and her child starved to death as the school/nursery hadn't been in regular contact.

Schools are obliged to make daily contact with absent children's parents for this reason. It's not personal, it's just a duty of care.

That’s nothing like my situation, I’ve been calling at 8am every morning and if I can’t speak to someone I leave a message, as instructed

OP posts:
princesssparklepants · 20/04/2023 18:40

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:37

How exactly is the school supposed to know you are telling the truth and your children are sick?

Why would the default position be to assume I’m lying?! That’s what I can’t get my head around.

Because sadly parents do lie.... parents do keep their kids off when not ill, because some parents are abusive.... they treat you as the lowest denominator until you prove otherwise.

violetskypurple · 20/04/2023 18:41

What lie have I told??

In your OP you said DH was on a plane

Then you said No I didn't say he was on a plane, I just told MN that to avoid the 'why couldn't DH have rang' question

ImNotAsThinkAsYouDrunkIAm · 20/04/2023 18:41

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:37

How exactly is the school supposed to know you are telling the truth and your children are sick?

Why would the default position be to assume I’m lying?! That’s what I can’t get my head around.

Because some people do lie. And some children are harmed. So obviously the default position is to try to prevent that, rather than give everyone the benefit of the doubt and then when a child dies say ‘oops, well how we were supposed to know, we assumed they were telling the truth’.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:41

violetskypurple · 20/04/2023 18:38

Why do you think I haven’t answered any calls?

You've already said why on here but they don't know that do they? They don't know that you're telling the truth..

I really couldn't get worked up about them safeguarding children. They might have seen this situation before with a child who actually was being abused and they're making sure it doesn't happen again.

Would you rather they didn't care? And potentially ignored abuse just to not annoy some parents?

No, you’ve got the wrong end of the stick - I HAVE been answering calls, I missed one today due to being in a meeting. My Wharton was more “What makes you think I haven’t been answering calls”… because I have

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 20/04/2023 18:41

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:28

But I don’t think a week off school is a massive red flag - my kids have been off for a week before when very ill, I’m sure most kids have

Show quote history

But the previous school knew you. You aren't dealing with the old school, you ae dealing with a new school that doesn't know you - and who could themselves be deep shit if they don't make these enquiries and it turns out there is something sinister going on.

I am starting to wonder why you are so bothered by this? Its annoying, I wouldn't like it myself, but I would see the reasons behind it and be PLEASED that my child was at a school that did take safeguarding and welfare seriously. It they let this slide, then what else do they let slide?

Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:42

PrimoPiatti · 20/04/2023 18:38

Any chance that school income is based on attendance....?

Not a clue. Is that a thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 18:43

violetskypurple · 20/04/2023 18:41

What lie have I told??

In your OP you said DH was on a plane

Then you said No I didn't say he was on a plane, I just told MN that to avoid the 'why couldn't DH have rang' question

….still not getting where I’ve lied??

OP posts:
biscuiteer · 20/04/2023 18:44

Lostinalibrary · 20/04/2023 18:27

I’ve elaborated. This would be an urgent safeguarding issue in all the schools I’ve worked in. By moving - you’ll make it even worse.

Show quote history

Do you mean that moving schools after feeling the approach from this school from day 1 was quite cold ( 'you've tested now' comment being unnecessary for example) would be an urgent safeguarding issue?

lingmerth · 20/04/2023 18:44

The number of children who continue to slip through the net time and time again and the first we hear about it is a serious case review ad the child has died. Schools, nurseries, social services, hospitals are criticised and subsequently new recommendations are put in place.
Instead of moaning at the school be thankful that they are following procedures designed to keep children safe. Yes it might be a minor irritation to you but they're not thinking about you, they're following guidelines to keep children safe and that is their priority.

WishIwasElsa · 20/04/2023 18:44

I was asked in hospital if I had left my kids at home alone. I was quite taken aback but the nurse said it happens occassionally so they have to check.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/04/2023 18:44

Moving schools is the prime time for children to fall through the net.

In many of the tragic cases of the past children were between schools. It’s why they’re now much more cautious with it.

When something bad happens and people say “why didn’t someone do something?” - this is something. This is people looking out for children at a statistically risky time.

If we want someone to do something to help children in horrible situations we need to accept and understand that that means when our children are in the risky bits people are going to act on it. Abusive and neglectful families don’t come with neon signs unfortunately so it’s either this or nobody does anything ever…

Summerfun54321 · 20/04/2023 18:44

I think most people understand caution and inconvenience if it's there to protect vulnerable children. I'd rather people like you are irritated OP than vulnerable children aren't protected.