To think my husband is being staggeringly selfish?

[SelfishH]

Me and DH have one child together. We have decided no more. It was mainly his decision but I do agree with his reasonings although I'd probably have another if really given the choice but I am fine with just the one too, I don't feel desperately sad about no more if that makes sense.

Basically since having our son two years ago I haven't taken any contraception. I tried so many different things and I rarely got on with anything. The depo injection and the implant both gave me excessive bleeding which was absolutely horrible and I begged and begged to have the implant taken out early which they eventually did. I'll never ever try one of those again.

I cannot take the combined pill due to suffering from bad migraines and it was when I stopped taking the mini pill to conceive our son that I realised just how crappy/spotty etc it made me feel. I am absolutely loath to go back on any form of hormonal contraceptives.

This is where my AIBU is because we've just had an argument this evening where DH is now flat out refusing to do anything other than me taking the pill again. Won't use condoms because it's 'not the same' and won't have the snip because he 'doesn't want someone fiddling with his bits' (welcome to my world mate!) And all I have to do is take a pill.

I've asked him why he thinks I should place hormones in my body every day that I don't want so that he doesn't have to use a condom for 10 minutes. Or why I should have someone 'fiddle with my bits' (🤮 sorry) i.e. The coil so that he doesn't have to have it done to him?

His reaction/reasoning / just general way he's being about this is making me dig my heels in even further because I just think how is this solely down to me? He doesn't seem to give one iota of a shit about the reasons why I don't want to 'just take a pill' or any of the other things so long as he doesn't have to be the one to be inconvenienced at all i.e. by just wearing a bloody condom.

AIBU to think he's a selfish shit. He's said he won't have sex until I take some form of contraception and honestly I do not care, no worries at all! I'm not being blackmailed like that into doing something I don't want to do when he's making no effort whatsoever to discuss what he could also do (and I imagine he'd buckle on the no sex and just use a condom far sooner than I would anyway 😂).

Ps I'm not asking for recommendations of contraceptions. I'm more just hurt at the selfishness of the way he's been in the conversation 'i don't want to do X because of Y but you should'.

He is being U. Is he like this with other things too?

He's got the choice.

You cannot take hormones.
So you are left with abstinence, condoms, vasectomy or baby.

Like we don’t know the answer.

I'd happily just not have sex with him. It's his choice I'd he wants to change that situation. He's being selfish.

He actually tried to sit there and mansplain the pill to me. ME. The woman who's taken it for over a decade being masplained to by a bloke who wouldn't even know what one looked like. I'm so angry.

He didn't believe me when I said I would bet my house that the vast majority of women who take contraception have some story or another about side effects. He guffawed that 'every other woman gets on fine with it'. Bloody idiot.

Yeah, this would dry me up instanteously so problem solved, both agreeing not to have sex.

If you are 100% sure you don’t want more children even if you ended up in another relationship, would you consider getting your tubes tied?

And yes, your husband is being selfish

My friend wanted a second baby, her partner didn’t. She didn’t want the pill (similar reasons to you) he didn’t want a vasectomy. So she said “ok, that’s fine, none of us has to do anything but if I get pregnant, I will be keeping it. He booked in for vasectomy. Could you try this?

As he's not interested in your wellbeing his choice of birth control is now apparently abstinence.

His body, his rules, your body your rules.

I'd be stubborn as fuck about this as well (but fortunately the mini pill is a wonder drug for me).

No I wouldn't. It's not me who's dead set against another so I don't see why I should.

I'm not desperate for another either so I wouldn't be upset if DH got the snip but no way would I permanently remove my fertility when it's him who's 100% against it.

He needs to make a bit of effort.

He is being selfish and ignorant about how hormonal contraceptives can really mess with a womans body.
He isn't bothered about your health at all so long as he gets to use your holes.

Grim.

OP has explicitly stayed she is not looking for contraception advice. She is open to having another child if given the choice (maybe in a different, better relationship) so why are people suggesting getting her tubes tied? Do people just not bother reading properly?

Well, if he treat me like that, he'd have just negated ANY need for contraception!

'That's up to you DH 🤷🏻‍♀️'.

Then when he's trying it on, be absolutely clear that if sex ends up with you being pregnant you will NOT be having a termination! You'll be having a baby. (If that's how you feel, it sounds like it does).

but personally I wouldn't be having sex with someone who clearly thought so little of me

his attitude would probably end up in divorce, because he's incredibly selfish & doesn't seem to think your health/feelings count for anything. He had spoken, kniw your place.

Jesus what a fucking asshole

I can't take hormonal contraception, we've used condoms for 20 years. Tell him to grow up ffs.

He knows this. Which is why he's now saying he won't have sex with me then. Which is fine. But I know he's only saying that in the hope I'll go 'oh no whatever will I do' and rush to make a GP appointment for the pill. Like withholding it to get what he wants.

What he's not bet on is that I don't give a shit. He will want sex far sooner than me. So if he wants to play that game 🤷‍♀️

I like sex don't get me wrong but I won't have it used as a tool to bully me into doing what he wants. No way. Looks like we ain't having sex then!

hes an idiot. no not every women gets on fine with it. I’ve had 8 - yes 8 different types of mini pill/pill over the years and the doctors have refused to try anything more... the hormones are horrid. Personally I would just not have sex with him ever again.

I had dreadful side effects with various birth control pills. Seems like your husband has chosen his birth control - abstinence. Dont give in, get yourself a present from lovehoney if you start to waver 😉

Order yourself a vibrator?

Yes he's selfish.

Fuck me. I’d be happy never to have sex with him again to be honest.

He's awful. I'm not sure I'd even want sex with him if he 'gave in' at this point. What an entitled little man.

Maybe you should suggest an open relationship for the shock factor? 😂It sounds like he needs to get his ego checked.

Yes your husband is being a selfish arse. I know that you don't want contraceptive advice, and that him being such a wanker means you probably don't want to have sex with him anyway, but have you considered the diaphragm? I know its old fashioned, but its not hormones and is reversable. Its got a sucess rate similar to condoms if its fitted correctly and used with spermicidal cream. As an aside, I used to quite like imagining the little sperms being killed off. 😁

As if some one suggested you having your tubes tide!!!! He is completely unreasonable tell him it's his choice not to have a second he is the one that needs to inconvenience his self

Thing is I'd have been open to a conversation with him about it if he hadn't been so brazenly selfish. Doesn't want someone fiddling with his privates whilst telling me in the same breath to try the coil. Ermmm..?

If he'd have said he didn't want to get the snip because he's worried about changing his mind about children or something I could understand that. But to be so selfish to say the above? Nah fuck off, I'm not having any conversation about it now.

Order yourself a big box of LoveHoney goodies for yourself? If he notices say it’s because he’s not having sex with you anymore.