To think my husband is being staggeringly selfish?

[SelfishH]

Me and DH have one child together. We have decided no more. It was mainly his decision but I do agree with his reasonings although I'd probably have another if really given the choice but I am fine with just the one too, I don't feel desperately sad about no more if that makes sense.

Basically since having our son two years ago I haven't taken any contraception. I tried so many different things and I rarely got on with anything. The depo injection and the implant both gave me excessive bleeding which was absolutely horrible and I begged and begged to have the implant taken out early which they eventually did. I'll never ever try one of those again.

I cannot take the combined pill due to suffering from bad migraines and it was when I stopped taking the mini pill to conceive our son that I realised just how crappy/spotty etc it made me feel. I am absolutely loath to go back on any form of hormonal contraceptives.

This is where my AIBU is because we've just had an argument this evening where DH is now flat out refusing to do anything other than me taking the pill again. Won't use condoms because it's 'not the same' and won't have the snip because he 'doesn't want someone fiddling with his bits' (welcome to my world mate!) And all I have to do is take a pill.

I've asked him why he thinks I should place hormones in my body every day that I don't want so that he doesn't have to use a condom for 10 minutes. Or why I should have someone 'fiddle with my bits' (🤮 sorry) i.e. The coil so that he doesn't have to have it done to him?

His reaction/reasoning / just general way he's being about this is making me dig my heels in even further because I just think how is this solely down to me? He doesn't seem to give one iota of a shit about the reasons why I don't want to 'just take a pill' or any of the other things so long as he doesn't have to be the one to be inconvenienced at all i.e. by just wearing a bloody condom.

AIBU to think he's a selfish shit. He's said he won't have sex until I take some form of contraception and honestly I do not care, no worries at all! I'm not being blackmailed like that into doing something I don't want to do when he's making no effort whatsoever to discuss what he could also do (and I imagine he'd buckle on the no sex and just use a condom far sooner than I would anyway 😂).

God no. Why should she have more surgery because he's being an ass?

i dont agree with all hormonal birth control. Now i take cooper coil. Its really good. You should try.

yes your husband is selfish.

Oh fuck him then. Let him be celibate.

FWIW I can't tolerate any form of contraception either and I've tried so many things. Implant, coil, numerous different pills.

Men have exactly ZERO credentials in this area, they know absolutely nothing, nor can they relate to the effects on the body.

Let's see how long he lasts on the sex ban. As if you're going to be begging him for it!? God what an idiot.

Well, your fanny will be closed for the foreseeable then won’t it.

What a twat. Absolutely loads of women have problems with hormonal contraception. He doesn't have a clue, does he? And he doesn't care either, as long as he gets to have sex with no inconvenience or discomfort to him. It's your job to put up with inconvenience and discomfort in order to provide what he wants, apparently.

Yanbu, but it also sounds like you want more children and i think its cruel hes denying you ..

The hormones our bodies produce naturally have other benefits besides fertility. By taking the pill and interfering with them, we are depriving our bodies of those benefits. Ask your DH why you should increase your risk of cancer, strokes, arthritis and other serious problems just because he doesn't like condoms.

The pill is horrendous. All my closest friends have come off it due to awful side effects. I've used condoms the whole of my relationship apart from when we were ttc. No complaints from OH.

Think that’s my quickest ever click of the YANBU button.

Fucking selfish idiot you have there, OP. Order a good vibrator.

So he doesn’t want anyone “fiddling with his bits”. So that’s telling you OP, stop fiddling with his bits no matter how tempting, they ain’t yours. 🙂Though I wonder how long it will be before he is begging you for a quick fiddle.

There is quite a lot of evidence now about the role of hormonal contraceptives upon rates of depression in women of child bearing age.

Oh this will be good. Who will cave first, I wonder? Place your bets...

I lasted six months on the pill. Lost my libido completely (which took a long time to return) and had terrible mood swings. We used condoms until for a decade, then he had the snip.

When a man is aware of what his partner goes through (periods, contraception issues, smears, gynae invetigations, childbirth and recovery etc) how he can seriously complain about the snip beggars belief.

Stick to your guns, I stopped hormonal birth control in my 20s and have insisted on condoms with everyone since, no one including 3 long-term partners had any issue with it.

I felt exactly the same as you. Nothing agreed with me and I didn’t want the coil (know 2 women who fell pregnant on the coil and I’m a rape victim so it’s a hard no). The difference in our circumstances is that dh had a vasectomy. I know it wasn’t easy for him but my god it was worth it. Enjoying sex with no risk of getting pregnant really boosted our sex like. Your dh is an arse.

I'm just here to see how long it is before he caves and wants sex!

Virtually every woman I know has had side effects from taking the pill.

He is a knob. A knob that needs to use a condom or get a vasectomy.

Similar boat here OP. We’ve had our kids and I’ve made it clear i don’t want to take contraception (and neither of us love condoms), but OH won’t entertain the snip. I could take contraception but simply, I don’t want to. I have two chronic health issues and don’t want anything else messing with me. He knows he has no leg to stand on preaching to me to get contraception. Er no, I’ve done my time - your turn!

Simple answer to him thinking that you will worry about the lack of sex is to buy the largest vibrator you can find and leave the packaging lying around somewhere prominent in the bedroom.

He is a proper odious toad - wouldn’t fancy doing anything with him again ever after that!!! I really struggled with the pill - even the Mirina sent me loopy - dh got a vasectomy instead when I said I was done with it. Stand your ground op - and if he becomes any more of a dick I’d give up and move on!!!!

You poor soul, he sounds like an absolute pig. He wants you to suffer physical discomfort so he can enjoy sex without a condom, even though he is the one not wanting another child. Tell him a vasectomy is reversible and a very simple procedure performed under local anaesthetic , plenty of men have had it done,is he simply too selfish or too much of a wimp? I would tell him that it’s a condom or a vasectomy, I would also tell him about the not insignificant health risks associated with the pill, blood clots,high blood pressure ,cancer etc.
And for a finale, if he suggests you have your tubes tied, tell him that you are choosing to keep your options open as who knows, you may want kids if/when you split up and have a new partner.
I cannot believe there are men still like this, he’d have been considered selfish when I was young and I’m 55. Like you I could never tolerate the pill, tried several times it was hellish, so was condoms for us, husband understood fully.

Order yourself a magnificently HUGE vibrator (that will give hopefully him a complex about his size) and take yourself off to the bathroom periodically with your vibrator tucked under your arm and a secret smile on your face. Enjoy his discomfort...

Sorry, he "doesn't want anyone fiddling with his bits"
Does he have any fucking concept of how many people you've had "fiddle with your bits" whilst carrying and birthing HIS child?!
What an absolute prick. And how dare he minimise it by throwing around nonsense statements like "everyone else gets on with it". No they don't. Like many, many other women I know (and countless on this thread) I can't take hormonal contraceptives, and nor would I want to anyway, and absolutely don't want the coil/diaphragm/any other bloody thing inserted inside me. I am done with having things put in (and pushed out) of my genitals. I've done my bit. My DH is happy with condoms, but if he wasn't, he knows and has offered to be the one to step up and sort contraception out.
As someone above said, this is a wider problem than contraception. This is a complete disregard, disrespect and gaslighting of you and your body as well as a total refusal to engage in any meaningful discussion. I would be very concerned.

Sounds rather juvenile of him to say he doesn't want anyone touching his bits!!! I'd bet a lot of money that the surgeon's have performed hundreds if not thousands of these operations, it's just a job to them. They get you to cover your penis which has a flap in the material so they can get to the boys in the barracks... sure they just need to cut the tubes.

A few years ago, my GF at the time tried the coil and it killed her sex drive stone dead. I also agreed with her that I wouldn't like her to be on the pill... As you point out, it messes with hormones.

We don't want any more children so I'm currently waiting for an appointment for a vasectomy... I hate condoms too for being mood killers and desensitising. I'm looking forward to worry and latex free sex!

YANBU. You're totally right, he is being staggeringly selfish.

A sex strike is called for, until he sees reason.

All power to you OP!
I feel quite invested now, would love an update on how long he manages to go without sex for, and find out which he chose between a) people fiddling with his privates, b) condoms and c) baby roulette!