To think my husband is being staggeringly selfish?

[SelfishH]

Me and DH have one child together. We have decided no more. It was mainly his decision but I do agree with his reasonings although I'd probably have another if really given the choice but I am fine with just the one too, I don't feel desperately sad about no more if that makes sense.

Basically since having our son two years ago I haven't taken any contraception. I tried so many different things and I rarely got on with anything. The depo injection and the implant both gave me excessive bleeding which was absolutely horrible and I begged and begged to have the implant taken out early which they eventually did. I'll never ever try one of those again.

I cannot take the combined pill due to suffering from bad migraines and it was when I stopped taking the mini pill to conceive our son that I realised just how crappy/spotty etc it made me feel. I am absolutely loath to go back on any form of hormonal contraceptives.

This is where my AIBU is because we've just had an argument this evening where DH is now flat out refusing to do anything other than me taking the pill again. Won't use condoms because it's 'not the same' and won't have the snip because he 'doesn't want someone fiddling with his bits' (welcome to my world mate!) And all I have to do is take a pill.

I've asked him why he thinks I should place hormones in my body every day that I don't want so that he doesn't have to use a condom for 10 minutes. Or why I should have someone 'fiddle with my bits' (🤮 sorry) i.e. The coil so that he doesn't have to have it done to him?

His reaction/reasoning / just general way he's being about this is making me dig my heels in even further because I just think how is this solely down to me? He doesn't seem to give one iota of a shit about the reasons why I don't want to 'just take a pill' or any of the other things so long as he doesn't have to be the one to be inconvenienced at all i.e. by just wearing a bloody condom.

AIBU to think he's a selfish shit. He's said he won't have sex until I take some form of contraception and honestly I do not care, no worries at all! I'm not being blackmailed like that into doing something I don't want to do when he's making no effort whatsoever to discuss what he could also do (and I imagine he'd buckle on the no sex and just use a condom far sooner than I would anyway 😂).

What an absolute knobhead. I couldn't have sex with someone who is so unaware, selfish and unwilling to consider another perspective.

I fully support you @SelfishH !

Sorry, was just busy there prepping, cooking, eating and clearing away. I think that's your question answered! I'd say I do 60-70% of the clearing up after dinner.

Good to hear!

Not at all. Although, unless it's an arranged marriage, I would have thought they'd have known what they were letting themselves in for! :o)

Andrew Tate’s missing your views while you’re posting on here.

No it doesn't in any way.
It is quite clearly him that is trying to be manipulative.

@SelfishH

l wouldn’t cave on this at all. In fact I’d really evaluate my whole relationship if he continues to try and coerce you and mansplain the taking the pill. What.a.twat.

Can l take a bet? I’d say he’ll try and get romantic by Saturday!

Where did OP explicitly say she definitely doesn’t want another baby @Robin233 ?

she didn’t

she did however say that she didn’t want contraceptive advice.

My sister and my good friend's husbands were the same...until they ended up pregnant again and then they both rushed off for the snip.

How could I manipulate him into a pregnancy? He has options.

My contraceptive pill made me feel dead inside.

He limited understanding of a complex issue is very telling- his body matters more doesn't it?

please could you explain how that would happen @whatsyourpoison13 ?

does the husband have some kind of SEN only you know about that mean he’s unable to connect the act of sex with the risk of a baby?

I can't tolerate any type of hormonal contraception either. Where did he get his information? His male friends? Poor you being married to a selfish idiot. Stand firm.

Contraception is vile. I’ve had my tubes tied but only cos I was having a c section at the time 🤣
YANBU. Mans being a knob

Selfish indeed. You've spent 2 years trying to sort it from your side. He can be responsible for the next 2 years, then you can reassess.

OR, you could get your tubes tied (kidding!).

Are you aware condoms exist? And that men have been trained in their use since teenagehood?

I despair of this attitude that men can't be even slightly inconvenienced for their sexual pleasure but women must do everything to facilitate it.

OP, I've got Friday night BUT you can't game the system. No wandering around in undies or watching Bridgerton with him.

It's not so much the 'slight inconvenience' it's the fact that they dull the sensation overall and completely remove some sensations entirely. It's shit sex in comparison. Eat food with a thin sheet of latex over your tongue for example! This is why after two DC's I'm getting the snip ASAP.

So you think it’s ok (using your utterly ludicrous analogy) if your wife had a plastic stick injected into her tongue, or a plastic T wedged into her tonsils, both to leech hormones that make her feel appalling, so that you don’t have to have a single thing that might slightly affect you?

Seeing as she not-long coughed up your two children?

Has this highlighted how illogical your comparison is?

Sorry but your partner/husband/ whatever is a walking talking living turd!!! It takes two to tango!!! If he won't discuss contraception or do anything about it then let him suffer!!!! I would be digging my heels in sooooo bad. Good luck to you x not everyone can get on with the contraceptive. About time hr realized that

That's some rant, I'll give you that. I wouldn't endorse a hormonal pill but I'd prescribe a chill pill in your case.

Did you deliberately chose to ignore my last sentence, 'This is why after two DC's I'm getting the snip ASAP'? Highlighting how I'm taking responsibility and how it shouldn't be left up to the woman.

All my post was trying to do was convey that condoms aren't liked for more than them being a slight inconvenience and, as women don't have a penis, I used the analogy of a tongue... You can feel temperature and texture with your tongue and you can imagine what tasting food would be like if your tongue was all wrapped up, to try and explain how it doesn't feel particularly good. Anything else you got from my post, came from your mind.

but I'd prescribe a chill pill in your case.

@Truestorypeeps I think its time you stopped as you are getting nasty now. This thread is about supporting the OP, not validating her husband.

@Truestorypeeps thing is, OP's OH won't entertain the idea of a vasectomy, OP can't use hormonal contraception and (rightly) doesn't want surgery which is far more major than a vasectomy (even if the NHS would provide, which is a whole other story). OP has been responsible for contraception 100% until now.

So the difference here is that you are stepping up and OP's OH is not.

As a woman I don't like condoms either.

However what do you think sex feels like for a woman when she knows her partner has no respect for her, and she knows he wanted her to suffer side effects as long as he didn't have to be put out at all. That's right, it would feel like SHIT SEX

He's only worried about how sex feels for him. Not for her. He could be an amazing lover (but somehow I doubt that 😂) but if he's a disrespectful misogynist she's not going to be enjoying the sex.

There is a LOT more to a happy, healthy, fun, mutual sex life than the actual sex itself and her husband has just shit over all of the rest of the important stuff.

Telling someone to chill out is being nasty now? Right. You calling me nasty, is actually nasty, so perhaps you shouldn't comment on my posts, thank you.