To think my husband is being staggeringly selfish?

[SelfishH]

Me and DH have one child together. We have decided no more. It was mainly his decision but I do agree with his reasonings although I'd probably have another if really given the choice but I am fine with just the one too, I don't feel desperately sad about no more if that makes sense.

Basically since having our son two years ago I haven't taken any contraception. I tried so many different things and I rarely got on with anything. The depo injection and the implant both gave me excessive bleeding which was absolutely horrible and I begged and begged to have the implant taken out early which they eventually did. I'll never ever try one of those again.

I cannot take the combined pill due to suffering from bad migraines and it was when I stopped taking the mini pill to conceive our son that I realised just how crappy/spotty etc it made me feel. I am absolutely loath to go back on any form of hormonal contraceptives.

This is where my AIBU is because we've just had an argument this evening where DH is now flat out refusing to do anything other than me taking the pill again. Won't use condoms because it's 'not the same' and won't have the snip because he 'doesn't want someone fiddling with his bits' (welcome to my world mate!) And all I have to do is take a pill.

I've asked him why he thinks I should place hormones in my body every day that I don't want so that he doesn't have to use a condom for 10 minutes. Or why I should have someone 'fiddle with my bits' (🤮 sorry) i.e. The coil so that he doesn't have to have it done to him?

His reaction/reasoning / just general way he's being about this is making me dig my heels in even further because I just think how is this solely down to me? He doesn't seem to give one iota of a shit about the reasons why I don't want to 'just take a pill' or any of the other things so long as he doesn't have to be the one to be inconvenienced at all i.e. by just wearing a bloody condom.

AIBU to think he's a selfish shit. He's said he won't have sex until I take some form of contraception and honestly I do not care, no worries at all! I'm not being blackmailed like that into doing something I don't want to do when he's making no effort whatsoever to discuss what he could also do (and I imagine he'd buckle on the no sex and just use a condom far sooner than I would anyway 😂).

After your updates it doesnt surprise me that hes selfish in other parts of his life-wont go somewhere hes not intereste din? so he just sulks at home

That was the point. My analogy was farcical to shine a light on the farce of yours.

Condoms might diminish sensation slightly during sex, but they would eradicate taste.

I know you said you’d get the snip, it was your need to ride to the defence of a man who refuses to wear condoms and would rather force his wife to take hormones that fuck up her body, that was irksome.

As for you sexist attempt at, what? Humour? Silencing me? No idea. But you’re in the wrong place, mate.

Yep your husband is a misogynistic bully.

But what's more important is he loves you far far less than loves himself.

He's happy for you to risk your health taking hormones. He's happy to ignore the risk you took having his baby. He's happy to ignore your wishes all because it doesn't feel the same to wear a condom.

Well boo fucking hoo, you know what hormones make life feel different.

There's probably a better man out there who would value you as a human, as a person, as someone of equal worth.

I can just hear Benjamin Whitrow offering that choice now! 😄

I know you said you’d get the snip, it was your need to ride to the defence of a man who refusesto wear condoms and would rather force his wife to take hormones that fuck up her body, that was irksome.

Exactly this* *@Truestorypeeps

Do you have daughters? and if so when they were adults if they were in this situation would you be like "well in his defence condoms do dull all sensation and the sex is shit" or would you say he was an absolute arsehole?

@Truestorypeeps Thanks for mansplaining condoms for us women. Yes, we are aware that it reduces sensation during sex. Did you know that it reduces sensation for us women too? That sex without a condom feels incredibly different for us as well! That the sensation of feeling a man’s penis that is not covered by a condom is much, much higher and far more orgasmic for us than the dulled sensation of a penis covered by a condom. Did you ever consider that before mansplaining the dulled sensation of a condom?

Also, did you consider that it’s not really being supportive to the Op to come on here blowing your own trumpet of what a great man you are because you’re getting the snip. Did you really think that would be received well?

I managed to persuade DH to get the snip recently by convincing him my libido would shoot up if I stopped taking the pill.
When he did finally do it you'd think he'd had major surgery! (It took 10 mins in a GP surgery and they gave him a chocolate bar and tea afterwards!) He didn't lift a finger around the house or help with the kids for weeks after! I kept reminding him about when I had our DC2 (10lb natural delivery) and I was home by 4pm and cooking DC1s dinner!

So just be prepared if he does eventually agree you'll be expected to wait on him hand and foot and be eternally grateful! 🙄

I struggle with hormonal contraception too. Had to be taken off Depo injections as they made me suicidal.
He doesn't want someone 'fiddling with his bits' but was quite happy for you to push a melon out of yours after 9 months of it trying to fuck your body up from the inside? Knob.

His attitude is fantastic contraception - can't imagine wanting to have sex with such a thoughtless man.

Alllll of this!
My partner was absolutely on the ball with condom use until we decided on another method after being together a long time.

I honestly found it VERY attractive. The idea that he was happy to take control of something that traditionally gets left up to the woman. He didn't whine or bitch once.

I've discussed it with female friends, and if guys had any idea how much more attractive it makes them, they'd wrap it and reap the benefits (that and actually not being deliberately shite at pink jobs)

The ex that sulked and refused to used condoms was unsurprisingly a very selfish, and frankly shite shag.
Those guys that look after their sexual health are normally actually very good in bed. Anecdotal obviously.

You just don't get it do you? Thats a rhetorical question by the way as i know you dont. Heres a clue for future posts though, its about your tone and about how great you think you are and how we (as women) are all wrong. Its not particularly helpful.

OP, I hope your husband has made some kind of apology by now.

I’d have condoms next to the bed, make sure he thinks he’s onto a good thing, then hand him one. When he begins to whine about it, tell him that he has two choices… Condoms or the snip. He will then complain about how it doesn’t feel as good for him, so you can go straight into how great it feels carrying an unwanted baby - descriptions of pregnancy and labour, etc… Then tell him to stop being a selfish, whiny manbaby and either put on the condom, get the snip or go to sleep.

Another thing I might mention (and it is something I have brought up with my own DH) is that it doesn’t make sex feel good for me at all if I feel like I am just a set of random holes to make his dick feel good. His utter contempt for the needs of the human being attached to those holes really does nothing to turn me on at all. Quite the opposite.

No updates @SelfishH ?

Stand your ground, OP. Your DH is an absolute wanker - or at least he will be soon!