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Original poster

Friend pissing my children off - do I just tell her?

257 replies

Givenupgivingashit · 19/04/2023 21:16

Ok so may be me or my DD's being oversensitive here, but here goes. My shift patterns have changed so I now have to leave 2 youngest DD's (6&7) with a friend 3 days a week so she can take them to school for me. Return favour is that I can pick up her 2 DDs from school on the same days.

I drop them off at 7.30am, they are ready for school and have had breakfast so all they do is play with her DD's until they leave the house at 8.15ish. This has been the routine for the last 2 weeks since the Easter holidays.

This morning, eldest DD seemed to be a bit quiet when they were on the way to friend's house, and was seemingly wanting to tell me something when I dropped them off, but didn't so I didn't think any more about it until this evening when friend had picked up her 2 from me, then DD said that she thought that the friend didn't seem to like them very much and was a bit "strict" with them during their early mornings with her.

When I asked her what she meant, there were a few specific things which my friend seems to impose on my children which she obviously does with hers;

  • making sure that their shoes are clean, and if they've been in the garden and they're a bit muddy then they have to be wiped clean (uppers not just soles)
  • they have to spend 15 minutes doing their reading books (mine do this night before but she makes hers and mine do it too)
  • she fills their water bottles with bottled water, tells them it's better for them than tap water (which I fill them with)
  • makes them do up their ties/top buttons, even though they're more comfortable undone and school isn't bothered

I'm not sure whether this is just me being picky, or I have lax standards, or whether I should just be grateful that she's able to take them at that time in the morning and drop at school etc? Or should I say something?

OP posts:
Whatabouteverything · 19/04/2023 21:18

All sounds fairly reasonable to Me. I can't really see an issue. Just tell your kids that's her rules and once they're at school they can open their top buttons if they're bothered. She's not doing anything wrong.

pictoosh · 19/04/2023 21:19

Doesn't sound like anything too outrageous on her part. She runs a tight ship clearly.

Hillrunning · 19/04/2023 21:20

Sounds like shebisnjsut getting them to do that same thing her dc do. Nothing wrong with them learning that people do things differently.

MiddleParking · 19/04/2023 21:20

Can she help with my kids in the morning too?

ComtesseDeSpair · 19/04/2023 21:20

I wouldn’t make having clean shoes, bottled water and reading my hill to die on. The first two are neither here nor there. She wants her own DC to read their books before school and having your DC playing around as they do so is likely to be distracting. They have to fit in with her routine and extra reading before school isn’t going to hurt them.

If they’re uncomfortable with their buttons done up just tell her that they’ve said they don’t like it or if not, tell them just to suck it up for half an hour and undo them once they’re past the school gates.

Howtohideasausage · 19/04/2023 21:20

The water thing is weird, and doing the buttons up is also actually a bit weird. But is she being unpleasant to your children? Might be a ‘suck it up’ situation.

Starhead69 · 19/04/2023 21:21

I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with her expectations especially if this is what she already does with her own children.

How much is breakfast club?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 19/04/2023 21:21

They need to fit in with her kids routine, if you don't like it pay for a childminder.

FrostyFifi · 19/04/2023 21:21

It's no bad thing for your children to get used to the fact that things are done differently in different households. She's not doing anything bad to them.

Irritateandunreasonable · 19/04/2023 21:22

shes got her kids in a great routine, she’s not going to disrupt that now because she’s doing you a massive favour.

she’s strict so? It won’t do your DC any harm, alternatively you can take them to school.

goodkidsmaadhouse · 19/04/2023 21:23

I think given that it's a favour sort of situation (albeit I know the favour is reciprocal) you should pick your battles. Maybe choose the one thing that's annoying your DCs the most and speak to her about it. I couldn't get too worked up about the shoes or the reading personally. The water thing is very strange.

Dillydollydingdong · 19/04/2023 21:23

Nothing she makes them do is outrageous or unreasonable, is it? Why do they care if the water's tap water or bottled? Clean shoes are good, reading books is good and no doubt they undo their top buttons as soon as they set foot on school grounds.
The routine's different from yours, that's all.

LittleMG · 19/04/2023 21:23

Yeah not unreasonable, if her kid has got
to read she doesn’t need yours playing in front of them. The other things sound ok to me it’s her house and she’s at least bothering with your kids to make sure they don’t go to school untidy, like if you dropped them off clean and they got messed up at hers at least she’s making sure they look smart for school. Doesn’t seem like she doesn’t like them to me.

mainsfed · 19/04/2023 21:23

What stands out is that she is treating your children like hers, which is good.

If she is singling your kids out then that would be different.

She may find it difficult to get her kids to do their books if yours are playing.

SeaDee · 19/04/2023 21:23

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 19/04/2023 21:21

They need to fit in with her kids routine, if you don't like it pay for a childminder.

This

SensitiveB · 19/04/2023 21:23

I think I’d use this as a good chance to teach your Dd different people do things differently and to be polite and respect that she’s got a good way of doing things too. It all sounds fine to me and the reading thing gives them something to do perhaps, could you just let them do theirs then and read something else at same level later?

usererror99 · 19/04/2023 21:24

She's doing you a favour so I'd suck it up. You might have slightly lower standards when it comes to appearance with not having buttons done up but she obviously doesn't want her kids picking up what she perceives as bad manners. The dirty shoes thing - well that's just being respectful of someone else's home?

Hankunamatata · 19/04/2023 21:25

She's doing her usual morning routine and is including your kids. She's making sure the kids are neat and tidy, reading books stops them messing about and keeps them busy, water is personal preference - my mum is obsessed that tap water isn't good for you.
I'd love her to do my mornings woth my kids

Mum2jenny · 19/04/2023 21:25

I’d tell her the contents of my children’s water bottles has fuck all to do with her. But probably phrase it a bit more politely

MaireadMcSweeney · 19/04/2023 21:26

These are such non issues. Tell your kids to get on with it and not make a fuss.

Toddlerteaplease · 19/04/2023 21:27

She's doing you a huge favour. Can't see an issue with any of what she's doing. If you complain she'd be quite right to end the arrangement.

SlippySarah · 19/04/2023 21:27

My DD used to have a playdate with a friend every week while I was working and the other mum ensured they practiced their spellings together after tea. I can't imagine being annoyed about it. Non if the things you've mentioned are an issue OP. It sounds like your kids just don't like going there.

IcedBananas · 19/04/2023 21:28

I’d love it if someone did this with my kids. My kids could learn a lot from that level of morning organisation and productivity that I just can’t teach them seeing as I’m not able to replicate anything like that in the mornings!

MRex · 19/04/2023 21:28

It's all fine. Send an extra book if they have finished theirs, it will be nice to have quiet reading time. The only one I think is a bit OTT is the button; tell the kids to undo it in school and maybe mention to her that neither you nor school are bothered about top buttons, so unless it's a major headache can she leave it please. Or buy open top shirts without the button, my mum did that when we were in school to save us from a couple of officious PE teachers (no other teacher was bothered).

carriedout · 19/04/2023 21:29
  • the shoes one is fine
  • the reading one can be fixed by you not doing the reading at home the night before
  • the tap water one is bonkers but I would tell my kids to roll with it so long as they have some acceptable water
  • I would ask the friend to pack this in

She sounds like a PITA, but you need the help so you will have to tolerate it I guess.