Friend pissing my children off - do I just tell her?

[Givenupgivingashit]

Ok so may be me or my DD's being oversensitive here, but here goes. My shift patterns have changed so I now have to leave 2 youngest DD's (6&7) with a friend 3 days a week so she can take them to school for me. Return favour is that I can pick up her 2 DDs from school on the same days.

I drop them off at 7.30am, they are ready for school and have had breakfast so all they do is play with her DD's until they leave the house at 8.15ish. This has been the routine for the last 2 weeks since the Easter holidays.

This morning, eldest DD seemed to be a bit quiet when they were on the way to friend's house, and was seemingly wanting to tell me something when I dropped them off, but didn't so I didn't think any more about it until this evening when friend had picked up her 2 from me, then DD said that she thought that the friend didn't seem to like them very much and was a bit "strict" with them during their early mornings with her.

When I asked her what she meant, there were a few specific things which my friend seems to impose on my children which she obviously does with hers;

• making sure that their shoes are clean, and if they've been in the garden and they're a bit muddy then they have to be wiped clean (uppers not just soles)
• they have to spend 15 minutes doing their reading books (mine do this night before but she makes hers and mine do it too)
• she fills their water bottles with bottled water, tells them it's better for them than tap water (which I fill them with)
• makes them do up their ties/top buttons, even though they're more comfortable undone and school isn't bothered

I'm not sure whether this is just me being picky, or I have lax standards, or whether I should just be grateful that she's able to take them at that time in the morning and drop at school etc? Or should I say something?

I wouldn't say anything. She's just including them in their morning routine. Tell your kids not to worry about it and they can open their to button again if they want to when they get to school. I'd say the shoes is a good thing and the books is probably because if they don't do it too then her kids will kick up a fuss.

Don't say anything, her house, her favour, her rules. They're all minor things anyway. Just tell me kids to suck it up, everyone is different, doesn't mean they're not liked or welcome

I think it’s a very fair deal you have and I would not be concerned by the things your child mentioned. It’s just different families doing things differently and that’s how I would explain it to my child. If they continue to be upset you might look at alternative childcare but I think you have a good set up.

When your dd said your friend doesn't seem to like them much, is that because they're arguing about having to do those things her way, so she's being firm with them?

I agree that she is doing you a favour, however, I feel that some of the issues are unreasonable.

Clean shoes- no issue there. I wouldn’t want anyone in my house or car with dirty shoes.

Reading- as others have said, if your children were playing, hers wouldn’t want to read. So I think getting them all to read together is perfectly acceptable.

Water bottles- I would take offence at this. It’s like she’s criticising your choice to give your children tap water. I would fill their bottles and put them in their school bag. If she then persists, I would say to her that it isn’t necessary to change their water as you choose to give them tap water.

The top button on their shirt- I would be unhappy if somebody told my child to fasten their top button, or change anything else about their appearance, (unless it was a teacher). If the school doesn’t enforce this, I certainly would not accept anyone else doing so. As a previous post said- cut the top buttons off, problem solved!

I would perhaps also ask your friend how things are going, just to ensure that she is generally happy with your children’s behaviour and the current arrangement.

You’re complaining about your friend “making” your DC read books? And clean their shoes?

Crikey.

Can’t you encourage your DC to read more books, or have a “special” extra book for those mornings? Children can and should read way beyond what schools expect.

I think @Katey83 is spot on - your DC are really just not liking being in another environment that’s not their familiar home. Talk up the positives about playing with her DC etc.

So she’s asking them to clean their shoes after playing in the garden and making them read books and this is considered ‘strict’? Wow…

YABU. If you don’t like her parenting style, don’t ask her to care for your children three days a week. Doesn’t the school have breakfast club?