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Original poster

Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

785 replies

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 03:40

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 19/04/2023 04:02

june is very soon. If she is moving in she needs to be making arrangements for the move. What happens if she packs up her home, ends her lease, and then has no where to go because you didn’t actually find a new home for the dog?

You are asking her to take a big risk and she should probably just table moving in until you can show you are actually committed to the relationship

Merrow · 19/04/2023 04:04

Well, I mean you need to break up, rehome your dog, or tell your DP she can't move in as you're not ready to rehome your dog. The last sounds like the truth based on your post, but it does leave your DP hanging around waiting for you to be ready and understandably she might not be up for that. You have to actually decide what you want more: your dog or your DP to move in. And tell her your struggling, because what's currently happening is really unfair to her. Obviously she needs to know where she'll be living in June.

Toocooltoboogie · 19/04/2023 04:10

How old is your dog op and how long have you been with your partner?

LoveSong · 19/04/2023 04:12

I genuinely couldn’t rehome my dogs for a new partner. They just wouldn’t be the person for me if that was necessary.

How old is the dog? Could you not stay living apart? How long have you been together? You haven’t lived together and may realise the relationship isn’t forever once you do, but you will have rehomed your dog. 😔

I feel so sorry for your dog.

Original poster
CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:12

So my partner lives with a family member so no lease to break but I understand it’s still a risk for her. I’ve had the dog for 4 years and been with my partner for just under a year.

OP posts:
LoveSong · 19/04/2023 04:14

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:12

So my partner lives with a family member so no lease to break but I understand it’s still a risk for her. I’ve had the dog for 4 years and been with my partner for just under a year.

Under a year. OMG. Just no.

Original poster
CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:16

I know under a year May be a little alarming but we both know we are each others person for life. We’ve made plans for the future and this is the only issue in our relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:16

I also realise we could potentially not go the distance once she moves in hence why I want to rehome the dog with family as it’s less of a risk

OP posts:
Toocooltoboogie · 19/04/2023 04:19

Honestly....I would find this so hard. I really feel for you. I suppose if he went to a family friend and you knew he was OK then that would be some consolation but that would be the only way I could do it. Do you think if you have to rehome him it could lead to some resentment down the line? It's early days really - could you wait another 6 months and then see how it's going?

Lovelybluesky88 · 19/04/2023 04:20

Can your partner see if the dr can help with the allergies so you can try to keep the dog? And rehome only if that doesn’t work? In that situation family and friends will know you both tried and could be more sympathetic about the situation. Also re cleanliness of the dog, can you have eg a dog free sitting room/ban the dog from furniture as a compromise? I wouldn’t expect someone to rehome their pet for me, especially without trying to make it work first.

MayThe4th · 19/04/2023 04:23

Ditch the girlfriend not the dog.

I wouldn’t rehome my dog for anyone, and tbh I wouldn’t have got involved with someone with an alergy significant enough that having a future together would mean rehoming my dog.

Original poster
CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:23

I’m not sure if she’d be happy/willing to wait another 6 months after we agreed June. She’s already frustrated by the lack of progress. Her allergies are quite bad so managing the symptoms isn’t a possibility as I think the irritant would need to be completely removed unfortunately. She works from home so being around the dog constantly is a lot to ask when it causes an allergic reaction

OP posts:
Toocooltoboogie · 19/04/2023 04:24

Lovelybluesky has a good point. I know someone allergic to cats that took anti histamines which enabled her to live with her partners cat. Over time she didn't need to take them any longer and now has a dog aswell with no problems. Worth a try surely so maybe a chat with a GP is a good idea?

Original poster
CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:24

@MayThe4th we’ve only recently found out she’s allergic after she did a test

OP posts:
Toocooltoboogie · 19/04/2023 04:24

It's alot to ask someone to rehome their dog. She could at least explore the option.

Stressyfab · 19/04/2023 04:27

I’m allergic to cats. Didn’t need to take a test to find out, it was extremely obvious from the get go….
Thats a bit sus.

MichelleScarn · 19/04/2023 04:29

You can't rehome a dog you've had for 4 years for a partner of less than 1 year!
What's she bringing to the relationship?
Is she going to pay rent/join your mortgage?
How many times has she stayed over? Surely you'd know from how she's been when staying if she's actually allergic rather than its a possibility.
Is there a chance she is v v stressed and anxious about the mess and dog hair and doesn't want to say so using this as an excuse?
I don't think it would be fair to boomerang the dog between homes depending on how your relationship goes.
Agree with pp more time to see how you and she get on before you move her into your home and rehome your dog!

LoveSong · 19/04/2023 04:29

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:16

I also realise we could potentially not go the distance once she moves in hence why I want to rehome the dog with family as it’s less of a risk

You expect someone who will most likely be attached to the dog, to give the dog back? What about your dog being so unsettled, pushed around different homes?

This is ridiculous. You’ve been with her 5 minutes. But whatever happens, please don’t ever get another dog if they are so disposable and you think you can just give them away and take them back when it suits.

Original poster
CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:30

@Stressyfab it was obvious but i didn’t want to admit it to myself. Also wasn’t sure if it was the dust. We did the test so we could have it confirmed as that way we knew for definite. She has obvious symptoms when she’s here e.g itchy skin/rash, watery eyes, sneezing and an itchy throat

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 19/04/2023 04:31

I’m not sure if she’d be happy/willing to wait another 6 months after we agreed June. She’s already frustrated by the lack of progress.
So is it about making sure all is right and settled or does she just want to move out of her relatives?
If this relationship really is IT for you both for ever after, what's another 6 months? She's definitely sounding suss.

LoveSong · 19/04/2023 04:32

Stressyfab · 19/04/2023 04:27

I’m allergic to cats. Didn’t need to take a test to find out, it was extremely obvious from the get go….
Thats a bit sus.

Very sus.

More about her OCD I think. I think you’ll be changing a lot to suit this woman, once the dogs gone, it’ll be something else. You’re being naive.

Toocooltoboogie · 19/04/2023 04:32

There are also hepa filters that remove pet dander from your home. You say your home is dusty - how about stepping up the cleaning, investing in a filter and see if that improves things before taking the drastic step of rehoming.

Stressyfab · 19/04/2023 04:33

Then take a strong antihistamine, hoover more and if that doesn’t at least help you go to the drs.
You don’t give your fur baby up that you’ve had 4 years.
Might be better for the poor sod though if you actually care that little. It’s so sad.

Original poster
CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:33

All very good points and a lot to think about. @MichelleScarn no it’s not about leaving her relatives as she’s happy there. She also planned to buy her own place this year before we met, but that’s changed as we’d like to live together. And yes she will be splitting the bills with me when she moves in. I don’t expect my family to give the dog back but if we did end up breaking up I could at least visit my dog

OP posts:
ThePoshUns · 19/04/2023 04:36

Stressyfab · 19/04/2023 04:27

I’m allergic to cats. Didn’t need to take a test to find out, it was extremely obvious from the get go….
Thats a bit sus.

This. Are you sure it's an allergy and not that she doesn't like your dog?
I used to be allergic to dogs and it was obvious without needing a test. I used to take anti histamines and now I own a dog my allergy has gone.