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Original poster

Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

785 replies

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 03:40

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/04/2023 06:11

aSofaNearYou · 29/04/2023 22:15

I just find this way of thinking so extreme. She has a bad dog allergy, it's not unreasonable to say she can't live with a dog so if he wants to live with her he'll have to rehome it. It would be wrong of her to try and push him into it, but there's nothing unreasonable about not being willing to live with the dog in her circumstances.

As a non dog owner I'd never even heard of the allergy shots until reading on here, not everybody knows about them. Maybe he should suggest it.

Show quote history

I know op is long gone. But we don’t know how bad her allergy is. She could be reacting in most part to op’s dirty house and far more than if it were meticulously clean and the dog had a bath from a professional groomer to remove excess hair / dander.

Neopolitan · 30/04/2023 12:23

OP, be realistic here, this woman is not for you. You are not compatible. If the man I loved, no matter how much, was allergic, well the relationship would be over. It's not compatible with an animal lover. Animals are for life, they are not objects or toys you can dispose of when you meet someone. You took the dog on for life, it's your permanent responsibility. She is allergic to animals, and she and you have different cleaning standards. Face it, you just aren't meant to be, you're not compatible. Ditch the girlfriend, keep the dog. As the meme ad goes, new home needed, partner allergic to cat. Partner needs new home. Something like that, anyway. Choose the dog, which will be the one constant loyalty in your life. Ditch the girlfriend. Plenty of other fish in the sea, and your loyalty and responsibility needs to be to your dog, not your girlfriend of the month or year.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 30/04/2023 16:02

Neopolitan · 30/04/2023 12:23

OP, be realistic here, this woman is not for you. You are not compatible. If the man I loved, no matter how much, was allergic, well the relationship would be over. It's not compatible with an animal lover. Animals are for life, they are not objects or toys you can dispose of when you meet someone. You took the dog on for life, it's your permanent responsibility. She is allergic to animals, and she and you have different cleaning standards. Face it, you just aren't meant to be, you're not compatible. Ditch the girlfriend, keep the dog. As the meme ad goes, new home needed, partner allergic to cat. Partner needs new home. Something like that, anyway. Choose the dog, which will be the one constant loyalty in your life. Ditch the girlfriend. Plenty of other fish in the sea, and your loyalty and responsibility needs to be to your dog, not your girlfriend of the month or year.

You could say the same about the dog, plenty more where they came from, and the girlfriend is likely to live longer as well.

OP follow your heart with your girlfriend and rehome the dog.

Win / win

Azalea247 · 30/04/2023 20:48

I don't believe you're being unreasonable but I curious as to how she has managed to be around you. You own a dog, and therefore have dog hair and smell all over you.

But she can't be around the dog. So how is she managing to be around you, he who is covered in dog?

CrazyLadie · 12/05/2023 13:54

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:23

I’m not sure if she’d be happy/willing to wait another 6 months after we agreed June. She’s already frustrated by the lack of progress. Her allergies are quite bad so managing the symptoms isn’t a possibility as I think the irritant would need to be completely removed unfortunately. She works from home so being around the dog constantly is a lot to ask when it causes an allergic reaction

I am allergic to cats, proper sneezing, skittering, eyes watering like a tap the lot. I kinda inherited a cat and my son fell in love so rehoming was no an option, I took antihistamines for 6 months and after that I no longer needed them, ya can also get antihistamine injects fro the Dr. Has she been to see her Dr and see if there is an alternative she can do so you don't have to rehome yer dog. If I was in your position there is no way I wouldn't rehome my dog or cat, they are part of my family and not only when convenient

CrazyLadie · 12/05/2023 13:57

penmanship · 19/04/2023 04:39

DH had a cat when I first met him, which I was allergic to. I took tablets and he made the effort to clean up before I came round. Over time, I found that my allergy seemed to just go away and we've now lived together for 11 years (and said cat is 15!). One thing though, I would NEVER have expected DH to give his cat away (he rescued him as a stray kitten). I always felt it was my responsibility to deal with my allergy rather than expecting someone to give up their beloved pet.

I had a similar experience, I am a wee bit allergic to dogs but more so cats, I have one of each, 6 months of antihistamines and all I have is the odd sneeze when the cat gets up close and rubs himself in my face

STLLAP08 · 12/05/2023 14:17

Sorry I wouldn't rehome my dog for a partner

BeefyWellington · 12/05/2023 14:21

Poor dog. This thread is really sad.

fryanddry · 13/05/2023 23:14

that dog is long gone and in a few months so will his new girlfriend ..

SW2002 · 14/05/2023 23:17

Poor dog.

One of the first topics of discussion when I met DW ( I think it was the second date), was do you like / have dogs?

If it had been a no then that would genuinely have been the last date. Happily it also turned out that she thought the same way, if I hadn't been a dog person she'd not have seen me again.

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