Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

[CanineConundrum]

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

A bloody good mother 😂
where in my comment did it state that it was my son on high strength anti histamines?! It’s my husband on them with his inhaler, and yes my son takes a dose of child’s antihistamines everyday as with many allergies if your allergic to a dog it’s generally not just dogs but cats, horses, dander and pollen . I’m protecting him against having an allergic reaction, everywhere we go has some sort of allergen. When you take on an animal it becomes a member of the family and just because it becomes slightly less convenient to have a dog doesn’t mean it’s a pair of shoes you can hand off it’s a living breathing animal. If the OPs partner was that allergic to the dog she’d of known about it without having to take a test! My son and husband love having a dog and love the extra bit of freedom they have taking antihistamines as it means there’s NO limit on where we go or what we do, don’t have to worry going into a cafe or restaurant or worry going to a park or holiday resort, no problems staying in a rented caravan. So YES the kind of mother I am is a frigging amazing one, just like an amazing dog owner! Dogs are nicknamed mans best friend for a reason and she’s certainly my sons. Before the next person jumps on and says “we’ll high dose anti histamines and inhalers don’t work for me” don’t date someone with a pet, put it out there before you become invested it really is that simple. Will say it once more for people in the back
A PET IS A LIFELONG COMMITMENT OF 12-20YEARS IF YOU CAN NOT MAKE THAT COMMITMENT WHOLEHEARTEDLY DO NOT GET A PET!

No way would i rehome my dog for a partner.
Think id be a little suspect of all these plans on her terms.
Compromise is the key.

I wouldn’t be renaming my dog for a partner I’d know for about a year! Sorry to sound negative, but she’s already saying that you need to do more cleaning, house is too dusty. She wants dog rehomed etc.
why don’t you see how things go for a while first as you can’t guarantee that it’s going to be a permanent thing. Sorry, I don’t mean to come across negatively but until you live together you really don’t know how compatible you are.
maybe see if the dog can go on a temporary basis to family if your sure you want to live with her.

Rehoming

The fact that she's already dictating things that you need to do to please her in your own home, before she's even in it, is a turn off and weird. Your hesitation to rehome your dog clearly shows how much you love them. Personally, I'd feel a bit off if someone I consider my person didn't even attempt to do whatever they could to be able to live with my dog. Instead of thinking about rehome your dog, you need to rethink your short relationship.

There's a very simple answer here OP. Be honest and tell your GF you aren't ready to rehome your dog. Ask her to get her own place. She can rent for a year, and at that point you'll know- if things are going good, you can make a plan. Only you both know if you can work with limiting where the dog goes in the house and if you can manage longterm or if you do need to rehome, but if she's not on the scene after a year, then you know, and you and your dog haven't gone through the stress of rehoming. Regardless of whether or not she can live with your dog, if she can't understand what a massive thing this is for you, and if you really are eachothers forever people, a year won't mean a thing. It's still very early days for you both.

You made a commitment to your dog 4 years ago. To love and protect it until the end of its days. You are now giving that dog up for someone else you are making a commitment to. You’re looking for sympathy but I’m struggling to understand how you can do this. You say a dog is not the same as a child. Yes, a child is more important. However both dogs and children are completely vulnerable and rely on us for everything. They have no choices in how they live yet love us unconditionally.
If you are willing to give up your dog then I suggest you do so quickly so it can forget about the last 4 years and move on to someone who loves it unconditionally in return.
I hope your relationship goes the distance.

You never should have gotten so attached to this woman if your life situation isn't compatible.

You're struggling because you know abandoning your responsibility to your dog is wrong.

People with pets should not partner with people who have pet allergies. You can't live together. Take care of your dog and stop leading this woman on when you know you want to keep your dog.

Absolutely not. Don't you dare do that to your dog. Rehome him and let him move on or keep him, he's not property or a toy. He's family and you're his world. Abandon him or don't but do not pretend youre coming back only to dump him when the next "your person" comes along. If you're willing to upend your fogs world your probably a sh*tty partner too.

No progress? How are HER allergies shots progressing????How come YOU haven’t instituted efficient dust and dander control in your place???? Dust and Dander as allergies require most of the same measures and are manageable!!!

As someone who was VERY allergic to dust and cats (who has lived very successfully with cats for decades as long as my pillow is protected from them) a COMBO of allergy shots and (think German-level cleaning - borders on an OR) cleaning works!

Some suggestions for your home: leather furniture (nothing upholstered - upholstery absorbs dust and sander); hard wood floors (washable rugs if rugs are a must - these are the rage on the Internet right now; no wall to wall carpeting); vertical blinds that wipe down (or washable curtains - no hard to clean drapes); everyday robot vacuum. Try using a duvet cover you can wash once a week ; and you will need pillows that are hypoallergenic - also control dust mites). Weekly serious cleaning and laundry. Add a heap air filter, especially in the bedroom.

For your dog: WASH the dog at least once a week (if you reward with warm chicken you will have that doggo happily jumping in the tub!); brush outdoors; if you can afford it get one of those dog brushes that is attached to a dog vac, so the sander gets sucked up without entering the air. Get the dog a dog bed that can be wiped down and use a washable “snuggly” blanket that can be washed instead of a dog bed that accumulates dander and dust.over time very controlled exposure (due to above home dander control) combined with allergy shots should make her dog allergies a total
non-issue.

If your girlfriend is the right women, then she will be willing to adopt all of the above!!!

Romances and marriages end. A commitment to a dog is SUPPOSED to be FOREVER!!! A dog rehomed to strangers feels abandoned. Your dog DESERVES all of the bc above, especially because IT WILL WORK!!!

So, you are BOTH being unreasonable, and failure to get real about both shots and dust/dander control will turn into reprehensible if you give your dog to strangers.

You can’t get ‘shots’

I’d bloody live them. Only available via private health care, and even then only for people who work with animals and have developed an allergy to them.

There used to be shots, I had them as a kid. Didn't help at all.

Didn’t they find ‘shots’ were too dangerous?

Not available on NHS.

Quite possibly. Certainly my ds who also has serious allergies was never offered them.They also found that heavy duty drugs like Xolair can be dangerous as they can mask the early signs of a reaction shortening the time you have to get help.

This post has been written about in the Daily Mail

Ugh can journalists just fuck off and do some proper journalism instead of combing the internet for content. It’s pathetic.

Yeah...and they get paid for copying parts of the thread. Lazy bummers.

It spiked again well after the OP made his last comment - often a sign that some lazy cunt from the Daily Mail has decided that somehow someone wondering about their girlfriend moving in, is in fact news.
It isn't. Also, fuck off.

The phrases she is frustrated about the lack of progress/sees OP not being proactive game me the icky feeling.
OP's gf might be allergic but this tells me she actually doesn't care about the dog. Why? Because she can't even think how hard is to rehome a pet, or how much harder it is to separate from a family member, because that's what pet are!
She is pressuring OP to give up on a dog that has been a true companion for years, and will keep being one if allowed to stay.
First thing you do is go to a doctor and discover if there are really allergies. If they do exist, you ask how you can manage them. This should have been done way before talking about rehoming!
Plus, she is already complaining about the dog and the cleaning, and she doesn't even live there yet, and crying? Hmm... something tells me you already know the true. Is she really the one? You might found yourself with a unhappy relationship sans dog in less than a year.

I find the fact that she's only figuring out she's allergic now kinda sus. I find it hard to believe she's never been around dogs before now to figure that out. She is throwing up several red flags for me with the trying to change you and the language she's using trying to pressure you. Anyone who cared for you would understand giving up a pet you love isn't easy and would not get upset or try and rush you. Honestly I do not now how they could ask you to do it in the first place.

Wow.
This thread is already 37 pages long. Maybe it would be worth checking the OP's updates...
That way you would have learnt, that they went to the doctor - this thread is result of a recent confirmation that the issues OP's GF has when visiting are really dog allergy. Something they suspected, but hoped it might not be the case. And yes, she tried antihistamines.

She doesn't even live there yet - yes, she can't live there, as it isn't safe environment for her health given the issues with dust and dog allergy. That's the whole point here.
This whole situation started with the OP offering and promising to rehome the dog and clean the house, so she can move in on a specific date, so it isn't that bad that she is asking about progress, so she knows whether they are on a track for her moving in or not.

The OP can decide to not do it, but she has full right to know.

This is about far more than the dog. If she was committed to this she would understand the bond and look into allergy therapies such as shots, which are quite effective. If she can push you to make an effort, she can darn well do the same. I’m not seeing the staying power here. There’s a split already on the horizon. Preempt it. Keep the dog. Ditch the girlfriend. She’s a step away from making your life a hell, and you’ll hate yourself in the end for giving up a loving pet over this.

I would never abandon a beloved pet for a partner I known for a mere year. Shame on you for letting down your dog.

I just find this way of thinking so extreme. She has a bad dog allergy, it's not unreasonable to say she can't live with a dog so if he wants to live with her he'll have to rehome it. It would be wrong of her to try and push him into it, but there's nothing unreasonable about not being willing to live with the dog in her circumstances.

As a non dog owner I'd never even heard of the allergy shots until reading on here, not everybody knows about them. Maybe he should suggest it.