Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

[CanineConundrum]

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

I think you need to be honest . Say you love the dog and don't want to rehome him and would she be willing to try medication.

I'm a bit suspicious of the test. Non ige allergy tests are unreliable.

Also you need to consider do you want to live with someone who's expectations are different to yours. Will she need you to keep to her standards of cleaning? Will that work for you?

Can she not try antihistimanines?
If this revelation has come from a 'test', im going to guess that if she comes round to your house at the minute to see you, she doesn't actually get an allergic reaction?

Those on here questioning her allergy are idiots. If it's affecting had her throat as well as skin/nose it is serious and could lead to breathing issues. Of course she can't have that in her own home.

OP, you know you have to make the choice and it's a hard one. It's ok to tell her you're not ready yet - but of course she might feel that means you're not as committed as her and break it off, which is also her right.

Sorry you're in this situation.

So many red flags on your post, OP.
I feel so, so sorry for your poor dog.

Imagine rehoming your dog, then breaking up with her. I can't believe you're even considering it for someone you barely know.

Have you tried grooming the dog often - brushing it and bathing - so it does not have doggy smells? Is it long haired? Can you take for fur cuts every 2 months or so? These treatments will make it less allergic.

yabu
if you want to continue with the relationship you need to rehome the dog. she can't move in before the dog is rehomed and the house had a thorough clean top to bottom.

if you don't want to or can't you need to tell her asap so she can decide if she wants to continue with the relationship.

there is nothing a 'bit' ocd about not wanting to live in a stinking hovel.

I wouldn't be rehoming the dog, I'm sure that you can find a girlfriend who isn't allergic to dogs.

Also, I wasn’t sure how voting worked I said UABU to rehome but really she is.

Another side note. You can’t be “a little OCD” it’s either a diagnosed condition or not. Speaking as somebody who lives with a person who has an OCD diagnosis- it’s extremely hard work at times. If she does have a diagnosis definitely life together before you rehome your dog as it might not work out for many other reasons.

Dog would stay for sure .

@tara66 no it won't, it's not the hair that cusses the allergy is a protein strand in the animal's salvia

The poor OP has such a tough decision to make but everyone on this thread making out like she's exaggerating a serious allergy and getting on my nerves this morning

we both know we are each others person for life

How old are you?

I don’t think she’s your person for life. Your ‘person’ will love dogs @CanineConundrum…

She might be keen to move in but there’s no need to ‘plan’ anything beyond just picking a weekend, is there? She just lives with family. No lease. No notice. Presumably, not much stuff.

And her irritation rather than kindness and understanding at your heartbreak at giving up your dog is not a great sign.

Dogs are for life, girlfriends of under a year, are just girlfriends of under a year.

I genuinely couldn’t rehome my dogs for a new partner. They just wouldn’t be the person for me if that was necessary.

This. I just can’t imagine how the relationship has got so far frankly.

I am just wondering if your Partner got a Adversion to being around any dogs in general or just your pet dog 🐶?

And she is saying that she is allergic to your pet dog,
As a acceptable excuse so she seems looks more reasonable not for her to want your pet dog around for long?

If she is doing that ,

It's being manipulative,

There's some crazy responses here....

If you want a relationship with your partner, the dog has to go. It's not her fault she's allergic, and no one here is medically qualified to decide how severe it is. It's not a red flag to have severe allergies, or even to want a clean dog free house. If it was just a dog free thing, then I'd perhaps suggest you weren't suited to each other, but the allergy isn't a preference.

If you are both committed then it just needs to happen. I'd be annoyed too if I was changing my plans to buy a house, and my partner couldn't keep their word, so wouldn't hang about if you procrastinated. If you don't want to get rid of the dog, then the relationship will most likely end.

Some people here are acting as if she's asking for a child to be adopted. It's a dog, a well loved family pet, but not a child, it's not equivalent to a child, and not something that your partner should have to sacrifice her health for.

You need to make a decision and fast about doing it. There's no easy way out, just don't keep your partner hanging on if you've no real intention of doing it.

I couldn’t do it.

Also you say she is mildly OCD. Did she have a diagnosis of OCD or has she self diagnosed because she likes things clean and wants you to behave?

This isn’t how allergies work unless they are fake allergies. It will either be her or the dog.

This. I also have an OCD diagnosis. I'm not easy to live with. Please think about what you want before it's too late. She's throwing out red flags all over the place.

I think it's pretty unanimous OP that everyone thinks you shouldn't rehome your dog. I agree with others that if I was your GF, I would be trying everything possible regarding the allergies. She doesn't have the emotional attachment that you have to your dog but seems very flippant with her 'just get rid' attitude.

If you tell her to hold fire for 6 months and try things (medication/cleaning more etc) I think you'll see her true colours if she still wants to continue the relationship. I wouldn't want to be with someone whose attitude is quite callous about a dog you have had 4 years.

Either way, I wish you the best.

100% agree with maythe4th, my dogs are my world. The love I get from them noway I'd get from a human!!

Your dog is part of who you are you, so if she wants to move in with you that's part of the package.

I agree with people the dog will be the first thing, and she will want you to change more things and more.

Sounds like an average day in my life! Strong antihistamines and you learn to live with it. Have you considered keeping the dog clipped? It's rare to only be allergic to one thing so say I avoided allergy one chances are I'll come across allergy 2 anyway.

I agree with others that if I was your GF, I would be trying everything possible regarding the allergies.

one of which would be a clean and tidy house to minimise allergens.

yours sounds, quite frankly. disgusting.

Hi Op 👋
I think you will come to regret this major decision of giving your pet dog away for adoption,

I really think she is unfortunately Not the right one (partner for hopefully for life you are looking for,

I think this is seriously one of those relationship deal breaker types of situation,

For e.g
Someone in a relationship wanting to have children, their Partner definitely does not want ever to have children or anymore .

Someone is vegan, but their Partner loves ❤️ eating meat,
And is totally intolerant of their Partner being vegan, and just openly ridicules , trashes their idea of being vegan, ect,

Another senerio, one partner is a Conservative values marriage is for life, strict religious background,
And their partner is open minded, feels the intimacy/sexual is stale, boring and wants to spice up their relationship, exploring the idea of an open relationship with other people,

It's just not going to work out !

As someone who is allergic to dogs and has had dogs there are ways to manage your symptoms. Yes, cleaning is a massive one. Antihistamines, hand washing and restrictions is another. With my dogs, they weren't allowed in my bedroom/upstairs and I was strict about it. It wasn't perfect but I'd never re-home a dog when I'm able to manage the symptoms so I'd ask her what she's willing to accept