To ask for a handhold? Worrying news about unborn baby at 31 weeks

[ladydorito]

Hi everyone, I'm posting here for traffic, I'm really sorry.

Yesterday I had what I thought was a "routine" growth scan following a period of changed movements at 30+6 weeks. The "good" news is that baby has moved into breech which explains the change in movements.

The bad news is, having had their femur length measure short but not worryingly so throughout pregnancy, baby's femur is now on the first percentile. This, coupled with a large head measurement (on the 92nd percentile) has resulted in a referral to fetal medicine. The specialist can't see us until Wednesday and I just have no idea how to get through the next 48 hours.

The team at our hospital were lovely yesterday. I spoke to a registrar who went through what the various causes of this could be. I'm short (5"2) with particularly short legs (although I wouldn't say 99 percent of people have longer..
) and was born two weeks late weighing only 6lbs so there's a decent chance I'm simply carrying a short baby like me.

But we've also been told this could be a soft marker for undiagnosed Downs or one of the other trisomys. The idea of getting this far in pregnancy and having that missed makes me feel sick. We could cope with a baby with Downs, it isn't what any mum would hope for but they will be showered with love always. But the idea of the baby having one of the non life compatible trisomys has worried me to the point I've been throwing up this morning.

Skeletal dysplasia has also been mentioned - I thought this just meant what I understand as dwarfism, which DH and I would be totally fine with, it would obviously be an adjustment but not life limiting or even massively life changing from what I have read. But now I've fallen down the rabbit hole and am reading about other dysplasias that are incompatible with life and again, the idea of bringing a child to term who will not survive is just beyond unbearable.

I can feel little one kicking me as I type and I feel like I've failed them so much for even thinking about the worst case scenarios. This is our much longed for first baby and after a terrible first trimester with a hematoma that just bled and bled, we really thought we were at the point we could enjoy pregnancy.

In a twist so cruel it's almost funny, all our nursery furniture is due to arrive from Mamas and Papas this morning.

I'm so sorry about how long this is but I think I'm just asking for a handhold or even advice from anyone who has been through similar.

Thank you so much. X

💐🌼

Hiya op. Ive rejoined mn just to post because i was in your shoes a few years ago and the reassuring things i read on here kept me sane.

Shorter femurs can quite a typical sign of growth restriction (IUGR).

Im not going to try and armchair diagnose but did want to say that at 31 weeks and later outcomes are really good. My DC was born 33+6 with short femurs & low birth weight. We had an uneventful 2 week stay in hospital to grow and learn to feed and DC is now a happy nearly 4 year old. If it does turn out to be IUGR or growth related join the Child Growth Foundation groups on facebook, lots of really useful info on there.

Try and stay calm & take care of yourself. Its really good that you have been referred to fetal medicine as you'll get extra scans and monitoring.

I totally understand why you are worried sick.
From different experience, (long term survivor of multiple cancers and even more "scare" biopsies) I have some advice to offer that works for me.. It's this:

Try to suspend your terror planning until you get the results and professional prognosis. Do not look ahead. Stay NOW.

Today , your beloved baby is alive and happy and well. That is today's true fact.

Just ...distance yourself from anything beyond today; close down; calm down; don't engage with frightened well meaning friends. Stress is harmful; so don't. Busy yourself with whatever mindless familiar activity that calms you; clean and tidy cupboards, iron, rearrange the book shelves, walk till you're tired, favourite films.

Wait and see. Now is TOO SOON for catastrophising.
Hold steady. You can do this.

Another one sending a handhold and a huge hug, OP. Really hope you get good news on Wednesday

Hand hold from me x

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is horrible having to wait to find out more on top of the existing fears.
I hope that things do work out OK for all of you.
💐

💐💐💐 hand hold

Hope all goes well on Wednesday.

With my second child we were told at 34 week growth scan (consultant led care due to number of previous MCs) that baby was measuring small. This resulted in weekly scans at 35 and 36 weeks which all showed he would likely be under 5lb if I carried to term. Decision taken to induce at 37 weeks, lots of very scary conversations about a resus cart being in the room at delivery and potential health issues.

DC2 was born 37+1 weighing 7lb 6oz... They put it down to the position of baby during scans.

I honestly can't thank everyone enough for such lovely messages and reassuring stories. I really do feel those handholds and it's helped me get through today. Less than 48 hours to go until we know more. DH has given up his ticket to watch his beloved Leeds tonight so we can support each other and we're going to make a nice tea and sit out in the sun. Have done my best this afternoon to stay off Google - everyone is totally right, it can't change any outcome. I promise I'll be updating as soon as I can after Wednesday appointment.

Oh bless you.

I shall cheer on Leeds tonight for your DH, I will pray and keep everything crossed for you all.

That sounds like a good plan op. Have a good evening with your husband x

Oh my love, I wish I could scoop you up. As someone who went through a devastating diagnosis when their DC was born, I SO understand the unmanageable fear and feelings almost like hysteria that you're going through. I'm so sorry you're going through this. As you say, all you can do is wait for the next tests but PLEASE stay off Google. Google is the devil. My DH managed to disable google on my phone so I physically couldn't look - I didn't sleep for 48 hours as I was obsessively reading medical journals and convincing myself of the worse case scenario. You will be trying to find YOUR child on google, but remember, you can't, you just need to be so gentle with yourself and do small, simple things, preferably with those you love, to get you through. You are strong and brave, even when you think you aren't, and you WILL be able to handle what is thrown at you, but try not to torture yourself before you get there. Sending the biggest biggest hugs and praying for your family xxx

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, but just want to add my voice to those saying step away from google. Thinking of you.

Don’t worry too much about updating as soon as you can! You don’t owe us anything! Do what you need to do after Wednesday. x

My work colleague was in a very similar situation a couple of years ago. She had to attend a specialist hospital located 85 miles away every week for the last trimester.
Baby was fine and us now an average sized toddler.
I do hope everything goes well for you and try your best not to stress.

Thinking of you OP!! Wednesday will hopefully put your mind at ease and allow you to go forward with at least a clearer picture of what to expect.

I should add, during our weekly growth scans the femur kept measuring lower and lower centils. I will never forget the fear. As I said earlier, ds was born at term 38 weeks. He was small at just 6lbs but not worryingly so. He is tall/average now. We are small at 5.2, there isn't that much room for the baby to grow in. When I was pregnant with my second again, the femur came up short again but I declined the growth scans after that. I just couldn't go through that stress again. DS2 now 4. I recently saw in my old notes that hos femur measured shorter than his brother! Both boys are fine, its just how I grow them as my husband says.

I’ve had a couple of highly monitored pregnancies and I totally agree with all the PPs saying that the growth scans are not an exact science. It is worrying though because of course you just want to go to the scan and everything be alright, and then when there’s further investigations needed it’s an additional, unexpected worry. But one unusual scan doesn’t mean anything is wrong, it just means it needs further investigation.

I completely understand your not wanting to talk to others about it, just do what you & DH need to do to get through the next couple of days.

Also offering you virtual a hand hold for Wednesday.

Sending well wishes for Wednesday, try to stay off Google, it is not your friend xxx

A problem was shown at my growth scans and was told to prepare for a small baby, he was 7lb 12oz.

They aren't very accurate.

Sending you all my best wishes and positive vibes for Wednesday 💕🤞My daughter scans suggested she was going to be big so I was induced at 38 weeks . She weighed 7lb 🤷‍♀️Xx

Wishing you all the luck in the world for Wednesday

Right now, Google is not your friend ♥️ there’s a whole host of explanations, ranging from positive to negative, so try your best not to fall down any rabbit holes until you see fetal medicine in 2 days. Your baby needs you in all your glory, so take care of yourself (and baby) and don’t let your mind run away with you 🤍

Stop googling.

Didn't someone say if you Google your dymptons, 99% come back as cancer?!

Anyways, you need tge remeasure and to speak to.the specialist and even then, they'll tell you how accurate their assessment is if you speak to them

My DS had a diwbs test cone back inconclusive. I'm diabetic and take insulin, so it was no wonder. I refused an amino because of the accuracy of the first test.

They told me he was a big baby - I knew I could feel how big ge was. They also said he had a big head. He didn't but he was 9lb 6oz 36 weeks (according to them), 35 weeks (according to me) when I was induced. He also did not have downs.

Good luck on Weds xxx

Ask to speak to neonatal pediatrics too, they may give a very different picture to fetal medicine. For my pregnancy, fetal medicine gave a very poor prognosis, pressuring me to terminate at all stages of the pregnancy (including while I was being prepped for cesarean, literally an hour before birth). Neonatal pediatrics were much more positive and were actually more accurate than my fetal medicine consultant. DD is now a
Healthy teen, has SEN, but is healthy and happy

I am so, so sorry. I will tell you a little bit about my experience in something similar.

I was 23 weeks pregnant when they discovered my little boy was missing his fibular bone, his tibia was half the size it should be, his femur measured shorter and he also had a very small foot with missing toes.

I too, was told it was markers for certain chromosomal disorders. They will offer you an amniocentesis. Personally, I had it as I needed to know for sure if I was dealing with anything that was life-limiting. However they did tell me that, apart from the right leg deformity, there was absolutely nothing else indicating anything more sinister - the results came back all clear.

He was diagnosed with Fibular Hemimelia and at 19 months old he had his leg amputated. He's almost 3 and wears a prosthetic and you would not know any different - he is truly amazing.

I thought this would be the worst thing in the world, but you really do just adapt and it becomes such a normal thing.

I would look into Proximal Femoral Focal Deficiency - quote similar to Fibular Hemimelia but obviously upper leg rather than lower leg.

I really hope you get some answers soon - I promise you that the unknown is the worst part. ❤️