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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for a handhold? Worrying news about unborn baby at 31 weeks

498 replies

ladydorito · 17/04/2023 08:31

Hi everyone, I'm posting here for traffic, I'm really sorry.

Yesterday I had what I thought was a "routine" growth scan following a period of changed movements at 30+6 weeks. The "good" news is that baby has moved into breech which explains the change in movements.

The bad news is, having had their femur length measure short but not worryingly so throughout pregnancy, baby's femur is now on the first percentile. This, coupled with a large head measurement (on the 92nd percentile) has resulted in a referral to fetal medicine. The specialist can't see us until Wednesday and I just have no idea how to get through the next 48 hours.

The team at our hospital were lovely yesterday. I spoke to a registrar who went through what the various causes of this could be. I'm short (5"2) with particularly short legs (although I wouldn't say 99 percent of people have longer..
) and was born two weeks late weighing only 6lbs so there's a decent chance I'm simply carrying a short baby like me.

But we've also been told this could be a soft marker for undiagnosed Downs or one of the other trisomys. The idea of getting this far in pregnancy and having that missed makes me feel sick. We could cope with a baby with Downs, it isn't what any mum would hope for but they will be showered with love always. But the idea of the baby having one of the non life compatible trisomys has worried me to the point I've been throwing up this morning.

Skeletal dysplasia has also been mentioned - I thought this just meant what I understand as dwarfism, which DH and I would be totally fine with, it would obviously be an adjustment but not life limiting or even massively life changing from what I have read. But now I've fallen down the rabbit hole and am reading about other dysplasias that are incompatible with life and again, the idea of bringing a child to term who will not survive is just beyond unbearable.

I can feel little one kicking me as I type and I feel like I've failed them so much for even thinking about the worst case scenarios. This is our much longed for first baby and after a terrible first trimester with a hematoma that just bled and bled, we really thought we were at the point we could enjoy pregnancy.

In a twist so cruel it's almost funny, all our nursery furniture is due to arrive from Mamas and Papas this morning.

I'm so sorry about how long this is but I think I'm just asking for a handhold or even advice from anyone who has been through similar.

Thank you so much. X

OP posts:
YoucancallmeKAREN · 15/06/2023 08:38

Congratulations, what wonderful news Flowers

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 15/06/2023 08:39

What a gorgeous little girl <3 Congratulations OP!

JusthereforXmas · 15/06/2023 08:47

I started hemorrhaging in my 3rd trimester, happened randomly half a dozen times. Each time the monitoring machines insisted I was in labor (I wasn't, if I was having contractions that strong I would definitely feel it). Lots of transfusions and hospital stay.

They decided to do a scan and it also came up that he had short femurs. When he was born he arrested several times and spent a week in the NICU as he just kept 'stopping' (forgetting to breath, forgetting to swollow etc...) so had to have feeding tubes etc...

We never got an answer for 'why?'.

He is nearly 5 now and the tallest in his class (no little legs here despite the short femurs on scans), no trisomies/dwarfism or anything.

He developed pretty bad permanent plagiocephally after birth which we where referred to alderhay for but doctors say isn't to do with anything. He has also broken several bones too (1 or so per year but nothing resulting in long term damage) from simple things like falling over on grass when running. I only ever broke one bone during sports and my DH and other kids have never broke any. I genuiney think he has very soft bones for some reason but doctors don't listen (bones dont break and deform for no reason though).

We have no idea why any of these things happen (my other kids don't have these issues) and he does have some delays (has speech therapy etc...) and issues with things like attention span but nothing more than half the other kids at school and over all hes pretty 'normal' I dont think anyone meeting him would even notice these things.

I dont say any of that to worry you (obviously heamorrages and NICU sound scary) but overall its really not been that bad. I don't worry hugely for his future and think he will 'struggle' in life no more than his peers with things like say ADHD.

JusthereforXmas · 15/06/2023 08:50

Sorry should have read your update first... congrats.

Katiesaidthat · 15/06/2023 08:56

Awww she is gorgeous. Yes, the little urchins worry us to death don´t they? But so worth it. Lovely little baby. Congratulations and all the best.

bedtimestories · 15/06/2023 09:08

Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl 💐

FlowerMum86 · 15/06/2023 09:13

I’m glad all went well with her arrival and congratulations. My daughter was born weighing 5lb8oz, I am quite small myself, she is 7 now and is starting to catch everyone up height wise 🙂

Hollyppp · 15/06/2023 09:15

So completely thrilled for you xxx

Cuteepie · 15/06/2023 09:21

What wonderful news after such as stressful journey you’ve both been on!
Many, many congratulations. Edie’s beautiful.

SpeckledlyHen · 15/06/2023 09:26

Oh, that's made me tear up. I did not read this thread previously so just saw it now with your update. Massive congratulations and so pleased it all worked out well for you.

WilsonMilson · 15/06/2023 09:32

It’s so lovely to read your good news. Thank you for coming back with this wonderful update. Edie is just perfect.

Ottersmith · 15/06/2023 09:35

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Jazzybean · 15/06/2023 09:35

What a lovely update OP! Congratulations!

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 15/06/2023 09:35

Good Lord she is absolutely gorgeous 💜
Congratulations!

MrsRachelDanvers · 15/06/2023 09:42

Beautiful update ❤️

InAnyOtherLife · 15/06/2023 09:46

Congratulations! She's beautiful x

Dagnabit · 15/06/2023 10:03

Aw congratulations, she’s beautiful! Also the name is lovely 💐

Glitterblue · 15/06/2023 10:08

Aww she’s absolutely beautiful! Congratulations - what a lovely happy update. I understand the worry you went through because we had a very premature baby who had stopped growing around 26 weeks. She was born as soon as they realised this and was under 2lbs but she’s now 12 and taller than me ❤️

Barney60 · 15/06/2023 10:08

Am so very sorry for this news.
Can only begin to understand how you feel via a similar situation that i went through as a grandparent.
Daughter was pregnant during Covid, had been trying for years and years, in fact had given up.
Daughter being an older mum had every test she could, these were often later than should be, due to staff off shielding Covid ect.
Was informed after the time she had options ,baby was 98% downs or one of the trisomys.
Went into labour with her husband in bits sitting in the car waiting for news as wasnt allowed in.
We were all very upset sad ect, i was on my own very scared for them, hoping i could help them, could i cope i had already been booked for when she returned to work.
All turned out perfectly normal hes fine nothing wrong with him at all.
So point being, i realise easier said than done i know, try for babys sake not too get too worked up, and remember they are often wrong.
Fingers crossed all is well, huge hand hold, your am sure, in all our thoughts.

Glitterblue · 15/06/2023 10:09

I should have said I know it’s different situations, I understand the worry of not knowing what’s going on with your unborn baby.

fruitbrewhaha · 15/06/2023 10:27

I remember your post, what a lovely update congratulations

HerculesMulligan · 15/06/2023 10:33

OP, I've only read your opening post and not the rest (forgive me) but I had EXACTLY this at our 20 week scan. Baby then grew very very slowly for the rest of the pregnancy, largely because I was unwell, and was almost born by C section at 31 or 34 weeks, but with incredibly thoughtful NHS care, we hung on to 37 weeks and she was induced.

4lb 9oz and almost transparent at birth, but we didn't need NICU or SCBU and we brought her home the next day. It took her 4 months to make it to the first centile in her red book - but she thrived (wholly formula fed) and now she is almost 4, on the 75th centile for height and has no health problems beyond seasonal hayfever.

She is a strong, determined, hilarious character and I had worried so, so much about whether she would be frail. Like you, I was preparing for downs syndrome or dwarfism or something far worse, but we are all absolutely fit and well. Sending you and your beautiful baby every good wish for a similar story and an identical outcome. xxx

HerculesMulligan · 15/06/2023 10:34

I'm an idiot! That'll teach me not to RTFT. But what an update. Congratulations!!

Warmhandscoldheart · 15/06/2023 10:43

Congratulations 🎉

MrsMitford3 · 15/06/2023 10:51

Huge congratulations!!!!! 😍